Having problems with my son?

HI OK this is my problem I live in a flat with my best friend she is 20 my son stays with me on the weekends and he is 11 now I don't bath him anymore but every time he goose to have a bath he always wants some one with him I keep telling him he is now old enough to bath by him self but every time he goes for a bath he wants attention he sits and cries like a baby and flings things about in the bathroom he is not at all embarrass about being nude in front of my flat mate either he will drop his towel in purpose in front over her and act like it was a accident so I smack his bum right in front of her and he hasn't don it again so far but I still have problems with him bathing by him self I can't work this out when I was his age I never would have aloud anyone near me in the bath .


Most Helpful Girl

  • ok this is not as bad as you think it is and I will try and help you!

    first of all how long have you and ur son's mother been seperated?

    second you need to talk to ur son's mother and find out if he is like this when he is at home with her!

    if he's not it could just be his way of spending more time with you kids can be quite strange that way believe me I know I have 2 myself and they will do the strangest things to get your attention.

    now if your telling him off for acting this way he's gonna think to himself "hang on I'm getting my dad's attention doing this so I'll keep going" kids love attention and negitive attention is better then nothing try talking to your son and ask him why he is behaving in this manner.

    you mention you have a flat mate now ur son might think that you and her are an item and that is why he is doing this also but like I said you need to find out if he dose this when at home with his mam.

    • Hi and thanks yea me and his mum have been seperated for 5years and at home his mum said that she helps him wash his hair and then dry him but he never acts like that at his mums .

    • Ok if he's not like this at home it could be that when he is with you at the weekends he just wants to cram as much of his dad into the 2 day's like I said before negitive attention is attention and as long as he is getting some then he is happy. if that makes sense

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What Girls Said 5

  • How old wer you when you had him? Correct me if I am wrong he is 11? I have 2 kids one is 9 and the other is 5. They both shower alone. Because I insisted that they be independent. Someone perhaps your ex babies him, when they should be pushing him to be independent. Its not to late to start now. Talk to your ex or whoever cares for besides you. It takes a team not 1. Don't give into your son when he is having a tantrum. Let him cry but do not allow him to throw things. Perhaps he is lacking attention as well and the only way he gets it is by doing bad things. Focus more attention on the good. Pushing him little by little with support of course to become independent.

  • Don't yell at him, try talking to him about it. 11 is old enough to be talking them by himself, I would also ask his mother if she does this, if she does she has to stop.Just let him know he is a big boy now, and it's time he showers alone.

  • Try a reward...he is obviously begging for attention from you...tell him that after he's done with his bath that you'll play cards with him...go to the park...read a book together...all he really wants is you...if you think about it, in a strange way he is giving you the most special compliment he can...if you only have him on the weekends you should be able to plan your whole weekend around/with him.

    I use/used positive reenforcement with my kids...my son is now 21 and we're still best friends.

    Good luck. Cheers!

  • you need a plan. pick a punishment and a reward for times when rewards will work. he's 11 so plenty old enough to understand consequences for his actions and plenty old enough to know how to push your buttons. don't react to this behavior in desperation, feeling out of control of the situation and embarrassment. just handle it like any problem you would handle at work. don't worry about what your room mate thinks or if your son cries as long as he's safe you know he's fine. lay down the law, be prepared to stick to it, ignore any bad behavior til the fit is over--the fits will stop if you do. when feeling insecure in parenting the best thing you can do for yourself is to learn, read, observe things that work for others and with your child. what is his motivation? you can do this, you have to put the past young-unsure-father thinking behind you and apply yourself. when he's behaving give him lots of attention and have fun together.

    • Btw I'm not saying to treat him as anything other than your child whom you love, just trying to point out problem solving skills that you have to overcome your insecurities. feeling out of control results in overreacting, embarrassment and usually not the best parenting.

  • When my 5 year old acts like that he goes to the corner but being 11 I would say that won't work as well lol. You need to nip this in the bud tell him up front if you act this way I will (what ever punishment you give such as taking away a privilege or a smack on the bum) and stick with it. He has been warned and he is old enough that a one time warning is enough. Then each time he does it you punish him. He will catch on very quickly that you are not kidding. As long as you follow through he will get the message. Sometimes my son will go to the corner 10 times in one day but by the end of the day he doesn't misbehave in that way again.

    • HI and thanks .I have being smaking his bum and groundig him but its just the same.

    • Well sometimes punishment is not a motivator for kids so try rewarding him. If he goes to his bath without a fuss for a certain amount of times then reward him with something he really wants.

What Guys Said 2

  • Hitting rarely works. I don't condone it either. I'd suggest giving him a time out or taking away one of his favorite activities or toys. Hitting him only encourages his behavior. The stronger your reaction, the more he will see it as an attention getter.

  • You wouldn't never have allowed...But you're a girl!

    I never did worry about someone entering in the bathroom or seeing me naked. Not at 6 and not at 12 and not today. (remember: If god wanted us to be naked we would be born naked)

    It's possible that at school they shower together with other boys after sports or gym.

    The fact that he insists on having someone with him might be revealing of some trouble being alone.

    Nakedness in front of your friend can be innocence (he is only 11!) or just trying to see how far he can go too far: trying out your limits.(he is already 11! Has puberty started?)

    Nudity is a state of fact; lewdity is a state of mind. (Is he just naked or is he jerking off?)

    • HI and thanks and no he hasent started puberty yet, but you can tell he means to drop his towel and then slowly piks it up I think its attenshion seking

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    • Yea your right thaks for your help I will have a good sit down with him on friday thanks.

    • Hi thanks for all the help no he hasent started puberty yet nor is he jaking off just flashing him self wich is for me inbarising & anoying.

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