Why am I such an idiot?

Every time I think I'm finally starting to get somewhere with getting over my ex boyfriend. Suddenly he says something or does something that brings me straight back to where I started. OR I think about the relationship, or see something that reminds me of it and suddenly I'm left feeling like shit! I shouldn't feel like this still it's been 4 months, he took me for granted and I know it was the best decision for the two of us.

My feelings have definitely decreased since the break up but there is still something there.

Why can't I get over him? And why is it taking so long? All I want is to be completely detached from him EMOTIONALLY.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Its only human to think about your ex. Whether you liked them still or not. They meant someone to you. If you really want to move on from everything simply break off all forms of contact.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well- because he was an important person in your life, no one will ever replace or compare but the next person can certain be better and have another special place in your heart, therefor the place that your ex is taking will become smaller. You have to look at it like this- you feel like shit, why would you want to waste time being sad and feeling crappy about someone who probably doesn't feel the same. He could be going out having so much fun and still tell you things that would keep you grounded on thinking about him. Give yourself time, honestly stop contact it's clearly not working and you aren't capable of moving on when you're still in contact with him. Best of luck x

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    • Thank you so much! I try and focus on this quote when I get really down about it "why should I be sad HE lost someone who loved him I lost someone that didn't."

      We had no contact at all within the first 2 months but recently in the last two I have seen him and been in contact a few times due to having mutual friends- it makes it very hard to not stay in contact. I thought I was okay after two months but when I saw him it started to creep back slowly to me!

    • It's just because also you're remembering the good in the relationship its always hard to move on when you had a good time for most of it x

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 3

  • You're not an idiot. You're just a human being going through an absolutely normal process of detachment in perfectly normal times. You'll see you'll get over him. :)

    The only things you can do right now is try to have some fun with friends and doing the things like doing, meeting new people, etc. This process won't last forever.

    It would also help not to be in contact with him.

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    • All my friends try to tell me that 4 months is so much time but I honestly feel like it has gone so quickly. It doesn't feel like that long at all.

      I'm trying to occupy my time my focusing on work and exercising! I really need to meet new friends as most of my friends are mutual will my ex will makes it REALLY hard to not be in contact with him.

    • Well, each person has their own times to heal. Don't worry about that.
      And yeah, it'd be good to go out more, meet new people, make new friends, focus on yourself :)
      If you want to avoid seeing him you can ask your friends not to invite you if he's gonna be around, or not to invite him if you're going to be there haha or something!

  • I can clearly see you choose selective memory between you and him.
    The best way in my opinion to get over him is to take a notepad and write all his mistakes and how he took you for granted. Spare yourself alone for 20 min and think about everything that happened between you two and you will eventually stumble upon the answer. Also don't forget to cut him off in all social medias. Hope this helps...

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  • Cease all contact from him. Don't talk to him, hang out with him, look at his social media, get rid of any memorabilia you have from the relationship, and get rid of his number so you aren't tempted to talk to him. Focus on you and moving past it.

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    • I deleted him Facebook and snapchat (that's all he has) within the first two weeks of breaking up. In the first two months of the breakup we didn't talk at all or see each other nothing. But in the last two months I've seen him a few times and spoken to him a few times due to having mutual friends and seeing him at parties. Also when we organised to collect our belongings. I think I've seen him a total of like 6 times. I haven't deleted his number solely just in case we needed to communicate at all. And I still have all our photos on my phone which I can't bring myself to delete.

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    • Thank you for your help I appreciate it! I wish it was as easy to just cut him out completely as it is to say it. I have spoken to my friends but they don't want to be put in a situation where they have to "take sides" which is completely understandable and they also believe it has been so long that I should be over it by now (amatures)

    • I've been in a similar situation where my best friend broke up with her boyfriend and I was friends with them both. Make it clear to your friends that you don't mind if they remain friends with him, you just would rather not be around him and therefore would like to know when he's around so you can do so. They don't have to choose sides. And people take different amounts of time to heal, you're fine!

      Good luck! :)

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