What should I do?

I really need to talk to my ex. I've been on one week of contact and it's been extremely tough. I can't sleep because my mind won't shut off, I can hardly eat, and I'm stressing myself out so bad that I'm making myself sick because I want to talk to him. I don't want to send him a long message telling him how I feel because he won't respond to it, I would like to send him a short text asking if we could talk on the phone. I have a lot to say, and bombarding him with 10 page text messages would be a little too much. We were suppose to be working things out so we could get back together, but every thing changed last week when he brought his ex back. I'm hurting pretty bad from it that's why I haven't texted him for a week. What should I do I'm driving myself crazy?

Updates:
My ex and I have been broken up since April he came back in June to work things out with me after he left me for a girl he hardly even knew (his ex). We were together 9 months them a month. He came back wanting a 2nd chance, for him to bring her back while we are trying to get back together is disrespectful to me. He told me he doesn't plan on getting back with her, but I don't know what he's telling her. He needs to know that if he wants to continue talking to her I'm done with him.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Stay busy. You'll be alright in about a month. Each day progressively gets easier. Getting the closure you feel necessary to function is not going to come easy. You'll have your chance, just don't wait on it.

    Begin your work on putting him out of sight, then he'll be out of mind.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm sorry that you are going through this. I know the feeling. You haven't had closure and you are seeking it. You were also taken off guard with this and didn't want this outcome. I will tell you that talking to him isn't going to solve anything. Please don't take this the wrong way. He is not responsible for your happiness; you are. I can say that because I have been where you are and I had to learn that very thing. It will be difficult at first, but you need to find yourself again. Do things to distract yourself in the meantime. Keeping busy and surrounding yourself with people really does help. Don't be self-destructive. That will only hurt you further. It may help you to write your thoughts, feelings and what you want to say to him into a journal. Get it out. Then, when you feel relieved, burn the journal. Fire equals re-birth. This writing may take a while, so be patient. You will go through many steps and emotions until you feel the acceptance. Having that acceptance feels great. Burning those negative thoughts and feelings feels even better. THAT will be the kind of closure you need. There's nothing he can do to give you what you seek. He's also not willing to help you and you can't force him.

    If you have any questions or want to vent, I'm all ears. I'm not a counselor, but I am a woman who was in shoes similar to yours. I know how you are feeling and I know what has helped me vs what just did me more harm. Good luck, hun.

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    • It's not that I need closure, I need reassurance. He wanted a 2nd chance with me so I gave it to him now, he's taking advantage of it and disrespecting me and my feelings. He told me that I was the only one and we were going to get back together later on down the road. I needed that reassurance every so often that he still wanted me that he still wanted us to be together. As the months passed he stopped telling me things, he wouldn't answer my questions, our talking decreased, and everything he said seemed like a lie. Why would someone that wants you in their life treat you like nothing?

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    • Thank you :)

    • My ex did the same thing to me, so I can totally relate to how you feel. That's why you need to move on and find someone who knows what he wants and is genuine with his feelings towards you.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • You need to chill and let this thing play out over time.

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    • I've been trying to chill for 5 months. He left me for her then he came back wanting to take things slow now she's back. I don't know what's going on between them and I don't care, but I don't want to have any further contact if he wants to talk to her.

What Girls Said 5

  • Do not contact him! I know how you feel, its been almost 2 months and my ex is always on my mind. For the 1st couple of weeks I would randomly bawl my eyes out because I deeply missed him. Do you know how tempting it is to walk over to his work (a couple blocks from mine)? Very tempting. I know he never really cared for me that much, never made a real effort and I would always be on the back burner. His number no longer exists on my phone, nor anywhere else. A couple days after the break up, he called me and poured his heart out to me. This didn't register as he had said some very hurtful things to me. Since then other then trying to get my stuff back, I have been moving on in my life. Everyday life will get easier, your heart will long for him less and less.

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  • You need to take time for yourself. Do not text him or call him or have any contact with him on social media AT ALL. Go out with friends, visit with family, get involved in some hobby/activity. It's still a fresh wound, and anything you say to him won't be coming from a rational place. If the ex is back in the picture, there is nothing you can do or say to change it. Talking to him could possibly be the worst thing because you aren't giving him the space and freedom to make his own conclusion and are trying to convince him of yours instead. He may or may not ever come back, but even if he doesn't you'll be ok and you will find someone better! And if he does come back, you will have had time to take care of yourself in get in a better frame of mind and you may even decide he wasn't the one after all!

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    • He already came back that's the thing. We broke up back in April and he came back in June wanting to work things out. He left me for a girl he barely even knows and it hurt me more than anything. For him to bring her back while we are trying to work on ourselves is just disrespectful to me.

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    • Then just keep holding out girl. And don't set a time limit on it, just don't contact him until he contacts you.

    • He seems to be enjoying himself with his ex, I see how excited he gets about her. I'm just waiting for it to fade away to make my move. I did exactly this before when he first got with his ex he told me that we could still be friends I agreed, but I never contacted him again. Since he also said that me and her are friends i backed out because I can't be friends with someone I love. I told him that and all he said was, "ok" like he really didn't care. I told him in order for me to do that I'd have to go away for awhile and lose all my feelings for him at that point he got upset and told me to stop which i didn't and that's when he said, " I told you to stop many times and you wouldn't as much as this is going to break my heart I'm going to have to block you." He friend zoned me then he gets upset because I tell him what I would have to do to be his friend.

  • It sounds like he's over it and I'm sorry to tell you that it's not nice at all. Don't send him messages because you're making yourself look desperate and I don't mean that to sound harsh but you're showing him you care when all he's doing is showing you he's not bothered. Don't do it, don't bother with him, look after yourself and please don't waste your time on him when he's making no efforts to talk to you. If he wanted to talk things over he would make every effort to talk to you

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  • You need to let go. He'll come back to you they always do. If his ex is back in the picture most likely they are just fucking. He needs time to himself. You need to find someone new to talk to to get him off your mind & keep yourself destracted.

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    • I found someone new to talk to and I know he's probably screwing that dumb hoe. I'm just waiting for him to get hurt again and come crawling back, this time around I won't be here. I'm going to tell him that he can't have both of us and he's going to need to choose. I however refuse to talk to him while he's messing with his little rebound.

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    • Well I don't know What else to tell you.

    • For me what would be easier is if he would tell me that he didn't want me or to move on because hearing that makes it that much easier, but he won't tell me that.

  • Move on, you're obsessing over an ex who won't talk to you and nothing good is going to come of it. He obviously changed his mind on working things out if he brought someone else into the picture.

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    • We've been talking for 5 months. He doesn't want his ex, but what he did really upset me. He knows how I feel about the girl he left me for, I didn't give him a 2nd chance just so he could go back to her.

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    • I don't think he has Skype. I have a feeling he's not going to want to talk to me. We haven't talked on the phone since August. I miss hearing his voice. He's always happy around her I feel like he brought her back because he got bored with me. He's been acting distant he won't answer my questions. I don't know if he's still interested in me.

    • It may be best to move on then.

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