How do I get over a bad ex?

I don't miss him or love him anymore. He was an absolute nightmare with all his lies, abuse, and manipluation. The last thing I want is to even see or talk to him. Although, at the same time I am furious to the point of tears. I let him do awful things to me: separating me from my friends and family, guilting and pressuring me into sex every night for hours. That's not even scratching the surface of the damage he's done. I want to hurt him back and see him suffer like he made me, but I won't. I couldn't even if given the opportunity. But I still have so much hatred for him and everything he did in our two years of dating.

How do I move past all this anger? It bubbles to the surface every time I think about him, and it's awful. Just remembering his face makes me sick to my stomach, and knowing I allowed it to happen for as long as it did makes it worse. I'm lost at what to do. I'd really appreciate some advice.

Updates:
I'd like to add that we officially broke up two months ago, so I don't understand why all these emotions are surfacing now. It makes it more confusing tbh.

We also tried being "friends" for the first half of the year. He'd always threaten suicide when I tried to actually leave him, so being "friends" was the only option I felt like I had. Until recently of course.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You need to let it go sweetie, give it to God, Budah, Allah, the Universe or what ever your belief affiliation is...
    I know its easier said than done from first hand experience... But you need to find a method to release and let it go... That kind of negative energy will eat you up inside and drive you nuts... you need to exercise some restraint and stop your mind from going in this endless cycle.
    For me... It was when I came to the realization that there is only one true living moment in time... And that is the "present".
    The past is a recording... A memory, That's it... The only life it has is the life you give it be playing back over and over
    The future, does not exist... And is nothing more then a projection of the imagination... The present is the only gateway into the future.
    My advice would to be "present minded"... How you might ask?
    Focus your thoughts and energy into this present moment... Fill your thoughts with happy thoughts, brethe... Use your imagination on the subject... Perhaps a future relationship... Imagine the highlights of how you want that relationship to be as if you are currently in it, moreover, how it makes you feel.
    Give gratitude, and be thankful for those good thoughts, observe the beauty in nature, in yourself and in others...
    There are a number of ways to harness good feeling vibrations with thoughts.
    Every thought that you think carries a vibrational quality... Pay attention to your feelings when you think a thought... Then focus your attention to the thoughts that make you feel good and hold those thoughts in your mind and feelings in your heart as long as you can, repeatedly... By doing so you are retraining your brain off a pathway that no longer serves you and redirecting it on to a new path of your choosing.
    The idea is to retrain and focus your mind into thinking positive things which bring positive vibrations into your feelings instead of dwelling on the negative... If you can do this, which I know you can... You will see a different awareness manifest in the way in which you perceive your life.
    With practice and consistently redirecting your mind... You will find that you are much happier not thinking about him or what happened...
    "It's past", it's only a memory... One in which if you were to stop the "replaying" of it over and over as if there is something to solve... You would find that it is much better living in the present being in control of your own thoughts than letting your thoughts control you.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe those suppressed feelings of hatred towards him make you feel like seeking out revenge for what he done to you, would make you feel better. Sounds like you want to make him go through the loss and pain that you had to deal with during that 2 year relationship.

    Maybe you also feel like you lost 2 years of your life because of his possessive, controlling behaviour. You may just have to accept it for what it is. That it's made you be aware not to find a relationship like that ever again.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I'd suggest trying to do other things , maybe join a gym or get more exercise , try and meet new people , develop new circles of friends. and eventually date other people

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What Girls Said 1

  • dont do anything , live your life, time will punish him miliions of times worse, just be patient.

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