My boyfriend said he wanted to break up because he feels like he needs to redefine his identify as man and he's going through a hardship right now?

my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now. We're both 28. His financial situation isn't good and it's always been that way since we've been together. He doesn't make much money at all and pays for a lot. Fast forwarding to now, he's feeling overwhelmed over his financial situation and he feels like he needs to make his situation better alone. This hurts so bad because i've been with him for years now with his financial situation, so why break things off now? I told him that we shouldn't break up over money, and i know that things will get better eventually. He knows i'm frustrated, but i'm willing to stick by him. This past Saturday he told me that he knows how much he loves me, he knows he's going to marry me, and how he's going to propose but he feels like he needs to be single right now. He said that it's okay if i date other people cause he knows that's going to happen, and for me to know that he can't be the boyfriend i need him to be for me right now or move forward with our future when he gets his financial situation together. He also told me that he feels like he needs to redine his identify as a man; he feels like he needs to find himself as a man outside of a relationship. I just don't agree. He's waiting till now to tell me this and he tells me that he knows he's the one he's going to marry? I'm just so hurt, I can't put it into words. After our conversation, we went ou sepearate ways. We aren't together anymore, but he called me 2 days ago just to talk but I didn't stay on the phone long. I couldn't. He also texted me to have a nice day yesterday, but i couldn't respond becuase i was feeing too hurt at that time. Some advice would really help. Thanks


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The moment a relationship ends is the very moment the two couples should cease to contact each other to enable them to put the heart break behind them and move on with life.

    Your ex-boyfriend seems to want you to wait around for him while he's re-inflates his shattered ego and that is not fair on you. This whole situation is unfair on you, he hasn't once considered your feelings and needs in all of this and I think you owe it to yourself to cherish those three years spent together but to find someone else when the time is right.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sorry for your situation. If he knows he will marry you then there is no need to break up. Finance doesn't identify a man as a whole. Bad financial problems come, but will eventually go. Especially, if you two work together. It sounds like he might want to "have fun" get it out of his system before he thinks about settling down. If he says it's ok to date other people, then he wants to date as well. For him to call and text it sounds like he just wants to make sure you'll eventually take him back. Don't settle. I wish you the best of luck!

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What Guys Said 3

  • Time to move on. It's hard. But there's no point in thinking about a lost cause. by the way, there's no need to talk to him.

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  • Sounds like he just wanted out of the relationship and the finances was the excuse. It's not uncommon for guys to think they'll have a ton of lucky with the ladies once single, but it rarely works out that way, hence calling you a few days later and asking you to come over.

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  • He needs to redefine his identity as a man? The hell does that mean? Nah, he fed you a line. If he really felt it for you, he would stay with you and lean on you for support. It's that simple. It's his loss; move on.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I think you should talk to him! Tell him how you feel and hear how he feels.
    To me this guy sounds like he is making excuses... what the fuck is that all about! I am not man for you blah blah BS in my book! You know something you should be glad left you because he seem way too insecure and its a promising divorce... I know your hurt but its best to just leave at this point... you can't change his mine.

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  • move on, if he feels you are the one, he will get you back whatever it costs. move on with your life

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