It's really hard on me? Really long but need advice?

My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. He has moderate depression which affects his daily life. He sometimes (not everyday but mostly) has lack of motivation, wants to shut out the world, self loathing, no sex drive, etc. It was really taking a toll on our relationship and we were fighting almost daily. So a month ago, I told him we needed to talk and he came to the decision that he needed to work on himself and his career because he said he can't be happy with someone else until he's happy with himself. He wants to take at least a year and get himself sorted out before dating anyone again. He has repeatedly assured me that I'm a great girlfriend and it had nothing to do with me.

We had been living together because my lease was up and I was looking for a new place, but after a couple months, we decided that I would permanently move into his apartment. Since we had made that decision and then broke up a couple months later, I'm still living here until an apartment opens up in a month. It was his idea and due to my job, it's my best option right now. Anyway, for the first couple weeks it was fairly awkward and tense. However, the past two weeks have actually been fun and we've been getting along really well. We've been watching "our" shows together, making dinner/going out to dinner, going to the movies, hanging out, stuff like that. He also openly admits he does still love me and that while I'm here, he doesn't want me seeing anyone. The past couple weeks, his depression seems significantly decreased and he said that having me here and spending time with me has been really fun.
That was partly a reason we broke up; he said he didn't have the desire (his depression was dampering his motivation) to go on dates or do anything.

Updates:
But here's what's confusing me:
He still cuddles me at night (my head on his chest with his arms on me) and asks to do that every night
Tries to buy me things (not as much as before but still)
Wants to be in the same room with me (and if we're not, he'll come into whatever room I'm in) and will move to be closer to me
But here's what's confusing me:
He still cuddles me at night (my head on his chest with his arms on me) and asks to do that every night
Tries to buy me things (not as much as before but still)
Wants to be in the same room with me (and if we're not, he'll come into whatever room I'm in) and will move to be closer to me
The other night, texted me when he got off work and asked if I wanted to go to this restaurant (it's a nice restaurant with low lighting and candles on the table.. a place we used to go on date nights and said he was excited for our fun day.. we made a day of it by going downtown and stuff)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Is he dedicated to making the world a better place, by striving his best to ensure that happiness is at it's possible height and attempting to expand those boundaries, and to ensure the prosperity of life?

    He is opposing and fighting against suffering and death?

    On top of that,

    A good relationship, is based off a fundamental framework of shared belief's, the greater your beliefs, the better the relationship.

    continue an effort into finding people who share the way you see the world, and who would want to share the world with you and for you.

    Anything else is futile waste of effort, in the context of general relationship's, especially romantic one's.

    If he fit's this criteria then he is a good person and is right for you, if he doesn't he need's to be corrected, you should leave that to the professionals if you are not capable of doing so directly by yourself, I recommend that you leave it to the professional's, and find someone who fit's the criteria I listed.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Ofcourse it's really hard on you YOU LIVE WITH HIM! This doesn't even allow you to have your own space, and yet he feels the need to put rules on your life whilst you're living with him- sorry he has no say in that. You can respect it, but he doesn't have any control of your personal life in that aspect. Whose to say you won't meet someone even greater, you're supposed to give that up because he doesn't want you seeing anyone else? That's the thing with depression it seems to decrease then when you least expect it, it'll shoot up so hard it'll knock you right off your feet. Have some distance while you can, whatever you're able to. He wants to help himself so that's a start but you can't be waiting around for him, if in the time it's right then its right but now you just have to focus on you.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Normally I would say he just wants sex but since he has depression his mind can be everywhere.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Just give him time. He's happy to have a friend, the relationship probably stressed him out with his added depression because he probably thought he needed to make time for you, to impress you, do things for you, etc.

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