How to deal with seeing ex on a regular basis?

Background: We were together 3 months (I know it's not long but he was my first love and first everything) and I was falling deeply in love with him when he out of the blue broke up with me because he couldn't balance a girlfriend with college work. He told me he still has and will always have feelings for me but the timing isn't right for us. I was absolutely heartbroken and so hurt.

I thought I could handle it after a 3 month break from not speaking to or seeing him but it turns out I can't. I have anxiety attacks everytime he walks into the same room as me and I just want to be normal and civil with him when I see him but I just get so worked up and defensive. And it's just going to get worse because we have lectures together next year in college :(

I in no way want him back, like I'm so sick of this that at this stage I just want to completely get over it and be able to act normal and not completely shut down every time he comes within 50 feet of me. Any advice?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • :) relax! That's great advice isn't it - sometimes I even impress myself...

    But honestly, what you describe is sooooooo completely normal and soooooo totally familiar to every decent, kind-hearted person who's ever been in your situation, very particularly when the person involved is your first ever serious relationship (subsequent breakups are usually less ghastly, don't despair!). But first time, God it's a rubbish feeling... I can remember it even now! So the good news, as far as it goes, is that you couldn't be more normal if you tried - this is nothing to do with you somehow being inadequate at dealing with stuff that a normal adult would just take in their stride, it sucks, and that's that.

    So, the bad news is I really don't think there's any magic bullet solution - it's just something that will get better with the passage of time. You should focus on yourself, do things that make you proud whether that's in terms of acedemic achievement, hitting the gym, or just wearing that spectacular frock you've not been brave enough to wear before! Whatever makes you feel good about yourself. Think about who is really important to you, your family, your true friends, and enjoy and treasure those relationships - some guy of 3 months' standing was never on that level and, it turns out, never deserved to get there either. This is a great time of year to enjoy the people who really matter, this guy has forfeited his place in your life - don't do him the honour of maintaining that gap, fill it with good stuff. Over time when you see this guy your involuntary reactions will diminish, he won't have this power over you for long, don't worry.

    You seem a great person, if the profile pic is you you're gorgeous too - in short you're a catch and you'll do so much better than this doofus in future (can't manage a relationship and college? Can he walk and talk at the same time? Breathe and blink? Tiny brain). In the meantime don't beat yourself up about not being able to get over it faster - go with the flow, enjoy the seasonal entertainments and make yourself proud. Best of luck - keep smiling! :)

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    • Thank you so much :) I'm glad to hear I'll never have to go through a break up like that again because I genuinely didn't ever think I'd be happy again after that. I just thought that after all this time has passed since we broke up that it would get easier seeing him but it really hasn't. Thank you so much for your response though, it's made me feel a lot better :)

    • :) you're very welcome, happy I could help!

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What Guys Said 1

  • You want people to say "get on good terms with him"

    Don't you? Well, I say FUCK HIM. Not literally, of course.

    Convince yourself that you're better than him. That'll make you more comfortable.

    Of course, people like you normally don't have very strong egos to begin with. So I would start there. Build a love for yourself. You deserve it.

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    • Well I don't necessarily want to be his friend, I just want everything to be civil between us so I don't have to have a panic attack every time he's near.

      Thank you though, I know I can do much better than him, it's just hard to ignore the fact that I was in love with him and that he turns me into a nervous wreck when he's near :(

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