Ex girlfriend problem?

So my ex broke up with me and found someone else over 3 months ago after finally realising how bad he is to her she came back to me a couple of days ago saying she fucked up and misses me and still loves me. Me knowing that this day was gonna come I should of said I don't want anything to do with her because the way she treated me post break up was really bad and I should of just told her to leave but instead I listened to her and I've been hanging with her the last couple of days. She hasn't broke up with this guy but she's gonna do it tomorrow thats not The problem the problem is she has been abit standoffish around me so I asked her what's up today and she said that she wants to be wth me but she needs time aswel just to be alone and figure herself out because she feels like she's just not herself and jumping from one relationship to another isn't gonna help which has kinda pissed me off because I had the chance to not let her back in and I didn't take it because I still love her I'm confused with what I should do I told her that's fair enough that she needs time to herself but I don't know if I should be there for her when she wants something with me again it's hard to say no to her any advice would
be appreciated thanks!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that it isn't good to get involved with her again but I know the feeling of wanting to be with someone that isn't good for you. If you still love her then maybe you didn't get closure before? I don't know how it ended but if she didn't give you a reason or gave you a shitty reason or there was anything unsure about the ending then that could be the reason. I think her wanting time to think things through is actually a good sign though. It means she isn't just using you as a rebound. I think she wants to be sure she wants to be with you again and it's not just her current boyfriend treating her badly that makes her long for you. I definitely would not wait for her if you find someone else you wanna be with and I wouldn't tell her you're gonna wait for her. I don't think you should be there for her while she makes up her mind either. In the end though, you're the one that has to make the decision of whether you want to get involved with her or not. If you get involved there's a good chance you'll get hurt. But there's a chance you'll get hurt with every relationship you enter. If you don't get involved you may never get closure and it will take you a really long time to get over her and you'll long for her. But that may happen even if you do get involved with her. If I were you then I would talk to her about all the things she did while you were together that hurt you and make sure she knows that you won't tolerate her doing that again. I would tell her you want to forgive her and start over but you can't do that unless she will treat you better this time. If she brushes you off or tells you she won't then you have your answer. That's also closure. If she seems really sincere and apologizes and tells you she wants to be different and she's gonna put in an effort, then I think it's worth a shot. Just don't say anything that will make her think you'll always be waiting or you will always love her or always be there for her. She may take advantage of that and keep you as a backup. Also when you confront her, I think it's best over the phone or in person because it's harder for her to hide her true emotions. Don't say things like "you always said things that hurt me". That will make her immediately defensive. Say "when you said this, It really hurt me because -----" make sure you use more "I felt" statements than "you did this" statements. It gets your point across without being accusatory. Hope this helped a little..

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    • Thanks for the reply I'll take in what you've said! She pretty much left me for this guy and we were together for 3 years so she screwed me over really bad and I could never understand why she did what she did. She told me tonight she will always love me and will want to be with me eventually but from past history I don't know what is true and what isn't with her anymore that's why I'm worried that she's just gonna fuck me over again when she gets comfortable with me but at the same time she might have learnt from this and actually just needs time to work on herself and then it could work out between us I just don't know!

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    • I just read your reply then.. We spoke tonight and she said its time for her to just be by herself for awhile and learn how to be independent, before we broke up we were together for 3 years then she jumped straight from me to this other guy who treated her extremely bad so she thinks she's messed up in the head from it and needs time to sort her life out without me being involved she told
      Me she still loves me and will want to work things out eventually but she just doesn't think it's the right this moment. Which hurts because she has treated me so badly in the past and yet it feels like I still want this more then her like does she actually love me or is she just saying that and actually wants to move on with her life? I said to her that if she really did love me she would work this out with me and take things slow not to jump back into a relationship or anything but just make it work with me but she said she doesn't think it's right for her

    • Even though I don't want to wait around for her it has always felt like I am and still does and I don't know how to actually forget about her and move on it's really starting to frustrate me because I don't actually know if she really wants to be with me or not!

Most Helpful Guy

  • You're her backup plan she come to u when they fuck with her bc you're good to her but that put u in the corner and make u look like her toy leave her bc she will do it again probably she's a bitch type

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What Girls Said 1

  • She doesn't know what she wants. She's using you for comfort because of what she's currently going through, but you shouldn't get involved again. It won't end well.

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    • Yeh it's frustrating and I'm actually disappointed in myself because I knew this day would come and now it's like she knows I'm kinda there for her she now wants time to figure herself out but she still is saying to me she wants to be wth me when she does so I don't know if should stick around

    • Don't keeping waiting and waiting, regardless of what she'a dealing with, if she liked you enough she would date you. In the meantine don't stop your life, and if later the circumstances makevit happen between you too, then fine

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