Confusing Ex, what does it mean?

My ex broke up with me almost 2 years ago for GIGS. He partied like crazy the day we broke up and just recently put down the gauntlet. He was always in touch with me to ask me about my life etc but that was it. he dated other girls and I wasn't into playing that game. Over the past couple months, he's been pursuing me non stop... I finally relented. We've gone out to dinner a few times, I've hung out with his friends and we've made plans for future dates. In the beginning he told me he wasn't looking to get back together. but recently he said he doesn't want me dating others. I'm "his girl" and that he's still inlove with me. Nobody could ever replace me or love/see him the way I do. He doesn't want to lose me. He now calls every morning, during the day and before he goes to sleep. The only reason he said he didn't want to get back together is because of the pain he caused me and doesn't feel he deserves someone like me. That I could never forgive him for hurting me and he doesn't want to hurt me again.

So guys, is this someone who is wasting time until something new comes along or should I let him in to my life again and see where it goes? The whole, I don't want to hurt you again and him saying I don't want to get back together seems like he is wasting my time... I've always gone by believe what a man says. but his actions leave me confused.


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What Guys Said 1

  • You're 41 and you don't know?

    • Age does not matter. We see the world through different eyes... There are good-minded ones that would not take advantage of someone else and fail to see malice in others. And if you are in love with someone, you see them under a different light. Goodness is ageless. Love is ageless.

What Girls Said 1

  • I am so sorry you are in this situation - I feel you. I am sure you loved this guy and the break up for GIGS hurt you badly - I have been there recently and I can really say it's one of the *most* painful experience in life.

    I know you would like to hear something different... and of course there is the possibility that I am wrong. But from what you said, this guys seems to be playing with your feelings! Selfish, possessive and manipulative - that's what he seems. He is playing mind games and confusing you to get what he wants...

    1. He left you for someone else and now he is back. Why? Is he lonely? Bored? In need of help? What does he want? Sleep with you?
    2. He does not want a relationship, he does not want to commit. But he wants to see you... really?
    3. Yet he does not want you to date anyone else. Is he serious? Or is he maybe worried about losing whatever he gets from you (company, distraction, help). Because of course if you start to see someone else, he gets excluded from the scene! It seems he is just having a good time until something better comes up. A cliché!

    If he "loves you", recognizes that "nobody could ever replace you in his life", and that "no one could even love/see him the way you do"... then he should show it! Do not just believe what he says: his enchanting words are spurious if they are not backed up by actions. He has to grow a pair, take his responsibilities and make up his mind: either in your life or out of your life. And he should stop this "I don't want to hurt you" lullaby, it is bullshit. He is going hurt you anyway if you guys keep hanging out, but the relationship does not go anywhere from here. Because it looks like you want something more than hanging out with friends, a dinner date, or occasionally sleeping with this guy.

    I would suggest you talk to him clearly and tell him that you want a serious relationship. Be firm. And if he says he is confused he should take some time to think about it - do not contact him for a while... no texts, no calls, do not hang out. Nothing. I know it's hard, but do it. It will be good for both of you. And who knows, perhaps you will meet someone better in the meantime.



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