I feel so heartbroken and I don't know what to do?

My ex strung me along for months and now he stopped talking to me and I'm mad at myself for allowing it to happen. I know he's been contacting his ex fiancé, even though she is in a relationship and has two children. The last thing he said to me was " I care about you" and "babe I love you". He always comes in and out of my life and it hurts 😢


Most Helpful Guy

  • I believe that you know what to do, it is just hard to do it. It gets harder the older we get too. It is easy to fall into the mindset that we have all this time invested in someone and we don't want to start all over, that maybe it will be worth the extra effort and sacrifice to fix what we have rather that start all over. There is a certain amount of comfort in familiar pain. We know what to expect from it. We come to almost accept it. The uncertainty of change is more intimidating that what we are dealing with now so we stay in the situation we are in, no matter how unhealthy it may be sometimes. One thing we need to see even clearer the older we get is that time is precious. The more time we spend in the wrong relationship, the less time we have for the one we were always meant for. Not just that, the right one could walk right past you because you are unavailable and you may miss the most fantastic thing that could ever happen to your life. I live by a few stead fast rules today; One, I casually find out how a girl feels about her father early on. If she has a bitter opinion of him chances are she may not believe in men enough for a healthy relationship. A girl with parents who remained married is a good sign for me. Two, if I do not see a relationship heading toward possible marriage before we hit that one year mark this is not a good sign for me. Three, if a girl breaks up with me I let her go then and there. This only happened once since I redefined my standards and it shocked the girl I was with at the time. In her mind she thought she would be able to help me see a point she was trying to make but all it did was show me she was willing to risk losing me. I simply have come to feel it is a matter of self respect. If a girl ever shifted her focus from me to another, even for a moment, I hope it was worth it to her because she is stuck with him now. I may not know exactly how the perfect healthy relationship looks like, but I have learned a whole lot about how it does not look and if I see any of those major warning signs I either address them and resolve them immediately or move on. I have wasted far too much time on the wrong people. I have learned valuable things about myself through these failures so it hasn't been a complete waste and I have made peace with my past as much as a man can I suppose. All of this has helped me be in better charge of my future. I will make new mistakes, of that I am sure. From now on they will at least be new mistakes


Most Helpful Girl

  • He's keeping you on the hook. He says stuff like that before he ditches you so that it will most likely keep you around as an option if he needs easy and quick attention off a girl.

    You need to start getting over him. Recently my best friend gave me a tip which worked AMAZING for me, it took about 1 and a half weeks and I'm completely over him?

    Anyway, she reminded me that you have to actively make yourself get over someone. You can't just wait for it to happen. And I was like, how the hell do you do that?

    Well, anytime you think of him, just remember some of the horrible stuff he's done to you. Literally every single time you think of a memory of him, or something positive about him, or you start to miss him, immediately after remember something horrible he did. Then your brain will start to negatively associate him and seriously it helps you get over them so quickly.

    • I agree with you in that when we need to move on, we need to move on. However, I encourage you to learn how to cope better. You shouldn't need to resent someone to move on. This causes us to carry baggage with us into future relationships. Learning to let go of someone by judging the whole thing between us with my head rather than my heart helps me from staying in the relationship after it's expiration date has presented itself helps me from adding too much to my baggage. Learning to let go of someone with love helps to remove even more weight from that baggage. Letting go with love does not mean we remain in each other's lives either. If I was to show respect for a future partner, I can't have exgf's popping in and out of our life. Anyway, I hope this helps you gind balance between your current and future coping skills. Again, I feel your advicenis good in that she needs to let go. I just learned it is best to let go without the need to drag all the hurt with me.

    • Show All
    • Well, I am glad you found a way to move on in the end. We all deserve better than to cater to repeat offenders. Life is far too short. Friends, real friends can sometimes be amazing at helping us find new and better ways of thinkin' when we let them. Sometimes even a simple saying can do wonders! I got two for ya on the subject... 1) I stayed in the relationship after it's expiration date! 2) I never let gom9f anyone without leaving claw marks in them! Now I know the meanings are maybe obvious, but for argument sake... as far as the expiration date thing is concerned, we all ignored signs that a relationship was over. Sometimes its as dramatic of a comparison to drinking sour, curdled milk. We know it's gonna make us sick but we want a bowl of cereal so, bad we ignore our sences. Crazy thinkin' of it that way, huh? As for the claw mark deal, I think it's safe to say we held on a bit to tightly to the wrong people at times in our life, thus leaving said claw marks.

    • @MrEMann yessss !! I really like those sayings actually !

      I suppose it's just finding techniques that work for you :) But you're right, it doesn't do good to be bitter over something, although objectively after the feelings have gone I can not be bitter :)

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 3

  • Stop the cycle and don't let him in any more. You'll only continue to hurt and prevent yourself from meeting the right guy.

  • I may be much younger but I went through a similar experience.. And it was easy for him because he was my first love. He told me he loves me, strung me along, made me fall deeper.. all the while whilst pursuing other girls too.
    My darling, the best thing i ever did was to FINALLY stop allowing this, and block him out of my life.
    At first I thought everything from then on in my life was pointless... and I hurt bad, but the recovery you finally cling onto is totally worth it.
    Do it for your health. Stay strong. x

  • I say watch romantic comdey and cry.


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