Is it time to break up after 3 years?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and I guess we should've sorted it out sooner but he just asked me to marry him.
I said yes but he wants me to quit my job and be a stay at home wife. I'm not okay with that at all. I sat down and talked it out with him and tried seeing it from his point of view. He said the man should provide but I studied hard for my job and I am 100% committed. I'm being promoted to a very good position in a very successful company why would I want to give that up when it's been my dream? I've tried telling him all this but he said he wants a stay at home wife and anything else would make him unhappy. Is it time to breakup or is there a way to negotiate?

i should also add being financially supported by anyone else but myself makes me very uncomfortable

Updates:
I understand we should've discussed it but when the subject of marriage was brought up previously he never mentioned wanting me to quit my job and I didn't say anything because I didn't think it was a problem or even an option

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't quit your job and don't marry this guy, even if he gives in. This is a complete deal breaker. He is threatened by your success and he won't support you in your career. He will always want you to stop working. If you have a child then he will really put the pressure on. Find a guy who is proud of the work you do and wants to help you succeed. In all seriousness, marrying this guy could ruin your life.

    See "The Feminine Mistake". www.amazon.com/.../1401309380

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    • You are right to refuse to become financially dependent. That traps you in a marriage that may or may not work. Someone who loves you will not ask you to abandon something you care about. And "Ruin your life" is no exaggeration either. My girlfriend settled for a marriage and her ex pressured her into abandoning a promising career. Twenty years later she had a very difficult time getting hired.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 12

  • don't give up on your aspirations. simple as that.

    like you said you have earned the position you have, you've worked hard for it. he should be able to understand that and respect your desire to work. if you marry him you'll be unhappy sitting at home and grow to resent him and the decision you made

    so if he can't come to the understanding that you want to work, i think you'll unfortunately have to break the engagement

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  • Do you think your feelings on the subject would change if you had a baby? Does your fear of being financially supported by someone else get interpreted him as a mistrust of him?

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  • I'll throw in my 2c worth. You should stick with your job. Always keep something back for yourself in a marriage. This, in your case, is your job. Simply that if anything bad happened to your guy, at least there would be some income. You wouldn't suddenly find yourself desperate to find a job.

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    • Maybe I should add that I've seen this happen for myself. A friend's husband is now crippled with MS. For a long time they lived on her (quite high) earnings. Now he needs constant care, so the job is no more, and money is really tight.

  • You're both completely incompatible. I don't know how you've lasted this long to be honest. I know it's hard but if it can't be compromised you both have to split and move on.

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  • try and explain the positives of you working. Also look for advise in articles that can help with the difficult times that he thinks will happen..

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  • ok is this time in age if your guys want to start a family you both need a steady income... tell him if he wants a family we both need to work cause my parents are struggling with this and we are relatively poor. YOU BOTH NEED JOBS try to get him to understand if he doesn't understand the move on... and that is so sexest da fuck...

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  • probably should never have dated to begin with.

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  • if you can't agree on you both having jobs then you need to end the relationship.

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  • What's wrong with having two fully working people in a marriage? I don't understand men sometimes.

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  • Girls just don't care at all about who they hurt

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What Girls Said 13

  • I feel like this is something you should have discussed before the prospect of marriage came up so you could understand the directions you both wanted to go in life.

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  • I say work out a compromise. Tell him that you would probably consider it once you have his children. But for right now that you want to do something that you love. That would make you happy further helping you be a happy wife who keeps him happy. Someone who loves you won't make you drop something you enjoy doing

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    • I don't think thats a long term solution as he wants what he wants a stay at home wife and mother and he is unwilling to compromise. Thats why he ask her to marry him because he thinks she will be so bowled over that she will do whay he wants.

  • Tell him str8 up about ur not quiting your dreams and if he loves you than he very accept the fact that its 2015 and women work and that its just ain't your style. If keep crying and complaining just leave him... your not going to be happy begin that because u have dreams... unlike some people... hahah like ME! good luck!

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  • He should take you as you are and not try to change you with the condition to marry you. Stand your ground and tell him upfront what you think.

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  • If you cannot negotiate then you have no grounds for a marriage. Stay strong to what you believe in and what you want, if you don't you will only end up resenting him and the marriage will fail anyway. On the other hand, if you really love this guy and want t be his wife I'm sure you'll find a compromise in which you will both be happy.

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  • Look, the way I see it is if what you want and what he wants are so vastly different then the relationship has nowhere to go in the long term. My advice would be to find a guy who appreciates your hard work and desire to have a career and will support that decision. There's nothing wrong about wanting a career and to be able to support yourself whatsoever and if that doesn't fit with what he wants then I think it's time to move on as hard as that is. Down the track there will be major issues and a lot of arguing.

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  • -__- In today's world unless your fiance is breaking the bank both parents need to be working. What occupation does he have?
    I think you both need to have another serious talk about the realities. What if he loses his job and is out of work for several months?
    What if he's in an accident and cannot work? Like seriously I cannot understand how anyone can think like that today with the cost of living being so overbearingly high and demanding.
    I think he is asking a lot from you without any type of resolve or compromise. You both need to come to some sort of understanding, maybe you could work part time. If not then I would not suggest marriage.

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  • This is not what you both want so there is no negotiating. You must break up.

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  • Yes break up and send him my way I would love to have his breakfast, lunch, and dinner ready for him. :)

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  • yup time to break up.

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  • I don't know.. I'm only 13.

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  • Dump him. Chances are he wants to make you vulnerable, so he can do whatever he wants to you. He might become abusive. Besides, what if he gets fired from his job? You'd become homeless.

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    • Wow abusive. How did you get that from the question?

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    • @Explore2016 So because he might not be, I shouldn't warn her? I'm the one being a bitch? But you're saying she should stay in a relationship where she might not be safe? Okaaaaaay, go fuck yourself.

    • I'd like to throw in that you're saying because he might not be abusive, despite the fact that he is trying to make her quit her job and won't settle for anything else, so I shouldn't tell her it can lead to abuse?

  • i say fight for what you want. because right now he is asking you to give up your happiness for his. that means he doesn't love you. he's being selfish. at most after you have kids i think he can ask you to raise them at home part time. but thats it... other wise you will justbecome his personal helper

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