I'm considering a divorce and I feel really guilty about it?

We got married really young, literally the day I turned 18. And he's done a lot for me. My parents had just died a few weeks before we got married and he was all I had and he's been a good husband.

It's that we've grown up to want different lives. I went to college and I got a good job now, whereas got involved in something really sketchy. I don't know what it is exactly but he has more money than he should and he always works nights (he's a mechanic). And he's been involved with this motorcycle gangs which really worries me. His parents are involved with that as well so maybe I shouldn't be surprised but he always said he wanted something different for himself. His dad has been in prison a few times and he always said he didn't want to do that to his wife and children. But well he's heading down that road

So I suggested that we just move away, start over somewhere else but he doesn't want to leave. And the life we have here is not what I want.
So I've been starting to think that we don't have a future. And I feel so bad about thinking that. I don't want to do that to him but what else is there I can do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Nine times out of ten, I'd say most people don't have a good reason for divorce. Your situation is a bit unclear -- but it might be the one out of ten that has a good reason.

    Press your husband about where he's getting his money. Tell him not knowing is making you really uncomfortable and that you want to know that he isn't doing anything wrong. That you don't want that kind of life for you or him.

    Also give him a chance to change things. Let him know that this is something that is troubling to you to the point that you might leave him if he doesn't resolve it. If he doesn't, then it will essentially be a mutual decision to divorce, rather than a one-sided decision. I think you'd feel better about divorce in that situation.

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    • I did ask him and he just makes excuses. Bad excuses on top of that, his grandma gave him some, he found it on the street, he won some raffle, tax returns...
      It's not like a steady salary, they come in like big one time payments every few weeks

Most Helpful Girl

  • Please don't give up on your marriage. Marriage is the good and the bad. I suggest you have a heart to heart conversation with him. No blame game or anything. Express your concern. Ask him to be honest about his work and that you love him regardless. And then after tell him what you want and work on a compromise

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What Guys Said 4

  • That's the biggest issue that can arise from marriage that come too early in life. People change a lot when they go through any big life experiences like college, and it sounds like he's done so as well through whatever he's been involved in.

    It sounds like you've already laid the cards out on the table. He's involved in something that he isn't sharing with you, running with a crowd you don't want him to, and he doesn't want to move when you clearly aren't happy with the current situation. Its pretty clear that you're both in different places in your lives right now and they may not be compatible any longer. He can talk about not wanting to fall onto the same path as his father, but what is he doing to prevent that now?

    I don't know if you have kids with him yet, or if you plan to, but hopefully you can determine if your relationship is salvageable or not before you have any.

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  • I hope you can convince him that the motorcycle gang thing is a bad idea. If the idea of divorcing and the welfare of his wife and kids aren't enough to deter him than only a miracle can help you.

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  • Yes you should feel guilty, that's horrible

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  • Well most women give up on marriage after they've gotten married. It's not like you're doing something abnormal.

    It's funny girls fight for marriage to happen more than guys but guys seem to fight for the marriage to last once they've had it more than girls.

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What Girls Said 0

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