How do you show appreciation in a long term relationship?

I just got out of a long relationship. He said I didn't appreciate him because I didn't say "I appreciate you." He said I didn't tell him thank you for going to work everyday and paying all the bills. I was sick at that time and didn't work as much at that time. He said even though I was sick when he came home I could have given him a massage or something to show my appreciation. Even though I cooked every night. Should I have done those things?
Just to give background info I helped him get the job he was working when I got sick, gave him somewhere to stay when he was kicked out, helped get into the place we were staying in, and helped get the car he was driving. I never heard "I appreciate you." We both always said thank you so I didn't think anymore of it.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like you did everything you could to help the relationship. Obvious physical limitations prevented you from doing more. He should have some compassion toward you for that. He seems likes he's a controlling kind of guy, where he expects a woman to handle any responsibility, regardless if she's physically able. I think what you did was typical and normal.

    But you asked the Q, "How do you show appreciation? I suppose by doing very simular things you did. You told him "thank you" for help he gave you. Sure, IF you're able, give him/her a massage. You cooked many meals. I'm sure you probably did the laundry. There's general house cleaning that's needed. To me, that's normal life for both the guy and the girl. How that work is divided is up to them. I try to remember to thank my wife for taking care of me, for all that she does a few times a week. I thank her for making a meal, doing laundry, for getting something from the store. In return, she never has to worry about her car, or that the house is clean, or that something always gets fixed, or get her favorite programs recorded for her. There are a number of things you can do - buy them their favorite snack, give them special time to watch TV and so on. I think you did it right, from what you wrote. I wouldn't feel guilty on your part.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe send a gift!

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What Guys Said 3

  • First, I have to say that it sounds like he was being self-centered - not appreciating you but expecting you to appreciate him. It has to go both ways.

    Having said that, in more general terms, guys need to feel APPRECIATED in the same way that girls need to feel loved, romanced, and desired. In fact, appreciation for men might well be the equivalent of romance for women - that what each gender needs from the other to feel good about themselves, and if they don't get it, they aren't happy.

    Really, though, it sounds like the two of you weren't communicating properly. Without hearing both sides, it's hard to say who was "at fault" (likely both of you), but in the future, just keep in mind that appreciation is something that men NEED from their SO, just as romance is something that women NEED from their SO.

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  • It sound like he was really upset over the pressure of having sole responsibility for supporting both of you and is using the "appreciation" issue as an excuse.

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  • Isn't "Thank you" actually equivalent to "I appreciate what you've done here?"

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What Girls Said 0

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