What's up with the phone call? Is he not over me?

So my boyfriend decided he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore, but wanted to hang out as friends and keep in touch. Typical "let me lighten the blow" move. It took me a long time to finally accept that he wasn't going to change his mind no matter what I did, so I let him know I was moving on, without him. I have told him several times before I was "done", but deep down I knew I wasn't ready to let the relationship go. I have never stayed friends with an ex, it was always too painful. The same day I messaged him about letting him go, he called me and left a message asking how my Dad was doing (he had recent surgery), and he wanted to say hi, and see if I was "ok". And maybe we'll "talk later". His voice was different, like he was a bit uncomfortable, and knew he was taking a chance calling me.
This guy is absolutely adamant about not wanting to start over with me, even telling me I was driving him crazy with all my texts and FB messages. We argued a lot, and I ultimately pushed him away.
Being rejected hurts, especially when you would do anything to make a relationship work. So when I told him I was moving on, I expected him to be relieved and okay with that. Him calling me was the last thing I expected, especially just hours after I messaged him. I asked him why he contacted me after I was ready to move on and he hasn't responded.
I'm confused about this. Why would he act like he cares now, when he never really did before? Does he regret his decision when he felt I was actually letting him go? I know that when I have broken up with guys, I wasn't calling them on the phone asking how they were, especially knowing thet were hurt and angry.


Most Helpful Girl

  • When you let him know you were moving on without him, he panicked as he realized he was losing his narcissistic supply... could this the reason behind his phone call?
    He said he does not want to be in a relationship with you... believe him. Go no contact and move on. This guy broke up with you, he decided he did not want you in his life... but he does not show you enough respect to let you move on and live your life without him. Life is too short to waste time after selfish and manipulative individuals that would do everything it takes to satisfy their needs, also at the expenses of others! Love yourself, be strong, turn page. I have been in a similar situation - I know how it feels. 💛

    • Thank you.
      Well we talked last night and he said he misses my friendship, the closeness. We both agree we started things off on the wrong foot, going too fast. I had expectations that were unrealistic, instead of being in the moment and enjoying him as a person. That's what killed it. I have always treated relationships this way, I guess I don't know how to go slow, it's all I know. But I also know it's not a good thing. But it's something we both realized, and agree we still want to see each other. Without the expectations. We will see.

    • Well, how fast a relationship should go is relative... something that is too fast for someone might be too slow for someone else. Of course, proposing after a week of dating would be suspiciously fast! Same holds true for a relationship that does not go anywhere after years together (i. e. "being in the moment and enjoying someone as a person" like... forever). It really depends, so don't be too hard on yourself! Balance is key. And communication is key. So I am glad you got the chance to talk to him. I wish you the best!

    • Thank you! I appreciate your honesty. You made some valid points, I'll definitely remember that. :)

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What Guys Said 2

  • It is a matter of control. He wanted to be in control of the break up and you have attempted to wrest control away from him.

    • I think you're right. I just wish he would say something about it. He's totally being silent.

    • Show All
    • That is what rational people do, but. . .

    • Or what manipulators do. Lol

  • he cares now and he cared before but it doesn't mean that he can be in a gf/bf relationship with you. but it's obvious that he cares and that's why he is making the effort to keep in touch, see how you are and what not


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