My wife cheated on me, I found out, I cheated back. We broke up, got back together. She now wants to break up again?

It started like this my wife cheated on me I then she came out and told me about it I gave her a chance I asked her why she said I was not giving her attention I did everything wash cook clean you name it the only thing I'm not really a party or out door person she said I didn't take her out enough and that the other guy did, however I started taking her out I tried for three years only to find out she was in and out of the out side relationship. I got tired of it then I did the worst thing I could have ever done, I cheated back on her. Well she left went with the guy the very next day only to realize he wasn't what she thought he was, however while she was with him I stayed single for a while then I thought why should I suffer my self, thought she has him she wants a divorce so why should I suffer started dating when she realized what he really was, she left him and came back to me I accepted cause I really want mi marriage to work. But now she keep bringing up the past she said it's because she gave me closure on all the wrong she did to me I wasn't comfortable talking about my past she kept asking I came out and told her eventually now she is saying I took to long to tell her and she wants out again all I want is to move forward with our relationship. I love her and I'm willing to do anything to make things work but now I don't know where to turn anymore. I Think she's just strong minded and like things her way she's the type that don't like anyone to talk to her. Please say something that could help us I really do love and care for her.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • to me, it sounds like she's blaming you for dicontent with her life. finding reasons not to be happy with you when she needs to find what does make her happy. I'm not a counselor but I think that unless you can both put both affairs in the past, no blaming, feeling guilt, rehashing, you have no future. I think it was wrong for her to bully you into talking about something you didn't want to. if you're emotionally unavailable to her, you can fix that w/o full disclosure. honestly, she needs to start working at it (your marriage and finding happiness in her life, career etc) or let you go. you can be willing to do anything, be as miserable as she wants to make you but unless she's willing to do anything, it won't work.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Sounds like you two might want to try some counselling... I agree that two wrongs don't fix anything however, from your perspective, I can understand your reasoning... Your wife had an affair and then became hurt when you committed the same foul... Her reasoning about it taking you to long to come clean (which you really have to regardless of how uncomfortable you feel) is understandable and also unreasonable... I think to make your marriage work you two need to wipe the slate clean and basically start all over... Talking to a pro may be your best chance...Best of luck to you. Cheers!

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  • first of all two wrongs don't make a right but I guess you already new that!

    i can understand why you would be so confused but I think even your wife doesn't know what she wants from this marriage!

    your wife cheated first and then out of guilt told you what she did but her exscuse of you not giving her enough attention is pathetic! I mean what is she 12 the trust you had at the beginning of your marrige weakens some then you go and cheat yourself there for completly braking what ever trust was left.

    alot of the time when people cheat they think that the grass is greener on the other side but it never turns out that way so when ur wife left and she started a relationship with this other man she began to relize how good she had it with you.

    i can understand that you want your marrige to work but in order for that to happen your wife needs to stop going on about the past, throwing what you both did back in each other's faces is not going to help the marrige at all.

    but if I'm honest it sounds as though ur wife doesn't even know what it is she wants herself and if she is like you say strong minded then I'm sorry that's tough in life you have to know that you can't always have things the way you want them and the sooner she understands that then maybe you two can move on.

    you need to sit down and talk to your wife and find out why she want's to leave now communicat with her make her understand that all this tooing and frooing is unfair you both need to communicate what you want out of this marrige

    i wish you luck

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  • I know marriage is hard work, but once someone cheats, the relationship is based on keeping score.. the trust is not there any longer. I would not be willing to be in a mrriage or relatinahip where one physically cheats... but that's me. Use your good intuition and make the right choice. Hope this helps.

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  • BREAK UP WITH HER FOR GOOD!Sounds like she's the one that needs therapy.If she was cheating on you for a significant amount of time maybe it means that she's not ready for a big commitment like marriage.You cheating on her wasn't healthy either but you need to get to the ground of your source of problems in this relationship if you truly love each other.Seek marriage counseling or sit down and talk to her.Commitment is all about choices whether you're married or not!

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What Guys Said 3

  • Please think about your statement: "... I really do love and care for her."

    In what way do you love your wife, who had an affair with someone else? Do you love her like a daughter or sister? In a romantic love you can never continue to love a person if she cheated on you.

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  • She cheated once she'll do it again. People's nature don't change, only their appearances. If she's dissatisfied with you, she will cheat again. This is not your fault, and you should not change yourself for her. I'm not a guy who believes in marriage and I'm kinda a commitmentphobe but, if you have to wear a mask to satisfy your soul mate, then what happens to the real you? I think you should leave her for good, and find someone else. Maybe you won't find someone else but, it's better living the life of a bachelor than that with a person who doesn't appreciate you.

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  • is this a joke? are you leading your lives or participating in a drama?

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