Why won't my ex-girl won't get her things?

My ex-girlfriend and I have been split for almost 7 months. We were together for 10 years. I'll admit: the last couple of years hadn't been exactly great, and she broke up with me. I have some issues with how she handled it, and what followed. All considered, both of us had issues to deal with.

Anyway, in March, she abandoned me one day while I was at work. We eventually had contact, and I went to get her at her current home so she could collect more of her stuff from my home (she didn't move everything out when she left). Things seemed agreeable for a while, and she said she was interested in counseling and trying to work things out.

In April, a couple of friends called me asking about our breakup. When I asked how they knew, they said they read her Facebook post about it. The post was about a week after I last saw her and she said she was "open minded." I cut contact with her then. Our next contact was when she asked to split from our joint cell phone account. I set up and made the payments for her to do it, but she never followed through.

I eventually asked her when she would get her things. We had set up a date for her to, and she never showed. When I went out of town, she snuck in the house and took some of her things, anyway. After getting home, she texted me again and asked if she could split from the cell account. I never responded, since I had done it before at her request and she never followed through.

I sent her a certified letter with a return receipt, asking her to get her things by the end of November. I know she got it in late October. I told her I was cutting her cell phone on 11 / 01, and would get rid of her things starting 12 / 01, unless she got them.

I've never heard from her. It has been nearly 3 weeks. Some of her belongings are valuable to her: nice makeup, some childhood clothing, etc. It either has monetary or sentimental value.

If we're done, as she claimed we are, why don't she just get her things? I don't want them, they're hers. Ideas?
Well, about two days ago she sent me a text and said she wanted to pick up her things this coming Tuesday. I guess time will tell if she will or not. A couple of months ago she said she would stop by and never showed, then snuck into the house while I was away on business for a couple of days.

Thanks for the feedback, all! I really do appreciate the ideas, and if you have more, am open to reading them.
Wow, she did show up, and she took a decent amount of her things! I really thought she would just do like she did before.

All together, she still has some stuff here. It will probably take another 1 or 2 trips (assuming she shows up again with an SUV and not a large truck) for her to get the last of her things.

But I am surprised she even showed up at all, today.


Most Helpful Girl

  • You sent her a certified letter with a return receipt asking her to come pick her stuff up by themed of November. If her stuff is still there by then... why don't you just put it in a bag and drop it by her house? You don't have to, of course, but it would be a nice gesture... and it would put an end to this unpleasant situation that neither of you seem to want to let go. It looks like a pretext to keep in contact and fight... No need to involve the police for some make up and some clothing!!

    • *the end

    • That was a thought. Unfortunately, she actually has a decent amount of stuff here, including some furniture. To take it to her I would probably have to get a U-Haul truck and a couple of friends to help haul it. The possibility of having to do that is on my mind, though.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Take them to the local Sherrifs office and explain it to them that these are her belongings and you have been as reasonable as possible in allowing her to collect them but she has not came to pick them up other than the one time she snook in. They may hold them until she chooses to come there to get them or they may say chit can it being they are not your responsibility to hold it for her

    • I have done some homework (I live in PA). Apparently I could have scrapped her things 10 days after she moved out.

      I won't lie: I had my own issues that she did bring to my attention. That said, she also had some. Given how long we were together I want to try to be nice, if I can, instead of just backstabbing her like she did me (take a higher-road, so to speak).

    • Show All
    • That's my thing at the moment: I just want her to take her things and go so I can move on. I seriously doubt that a potential new girlfriend would be happy to come over and see a bunch of my exes stuff still lying around my house.

    • No that indeed would be a good way to break the ice with a new girl that's for sure

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What Girls Said 1

  • She is waiting until you miss her to get her things so that she can get back with you

    • I'll admit: prior to her April Facebook post, I was open to reconciling. Her approach was such a back-stab: I saw her a week before, told her, "you're not my prisoner here, if you want out of this, just say so and lets do what we need to to move on." She said she wasn't done and was "open minded." Then my friends called me a week later.

      I couldn't add the above notes because of space limits, but some friends mentioned some similar things. When I heard about the post, I wrote the relationship off. I hate to throw away 10 years, but a combination of things including her abandoning me (even though I was never physically or verbally abusive or violent to her) and putting up a Facebook post behind my back really set me off.

      I'm very mixed. But especially, I just wish I could understand any reasoning or methodology, if any.

What Guys Said 0

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