He's pulling away. Is the end near?

1 year relationship. For the past 2 months, he says work has been hectic. He spends Fri or Sat night with me until the next afternoon. No whole weekends despite the lack of weeknight dates. On work nights he's too tired. I would come over on "tired nights" like I used to but he doesn't want me over while his brother is still crashing on his couch, says it would be too awkward. Weird, right? It's not like it's a studio apt. If I don't initiate, he waits till Fri to ask to see me or says, "So tired, are you free Sat instead?" Last weekend we went 6 hours away for an event and stayed at a hotel. It was the first time we spent so time together. He was an organizer so the event wasn't the best quality time, but the long drive, dinners, sex/cuddling at the hotel (limited due to a 4 am arrival and 9am wakeup) were. He wanted to leave right after. We got back to our city at 2am. I was disappointed when he said he needed to sleep in his own bed, he was so exhausted. I suggested meeting up during the week and he said "Sure." Since I initiated the last several times, I left the ball in his court. He exchanged the usual "Good morning/goodnight (my nickname)" and some midday chitchat daily. He's been quieter overall, especially at night but he still responds, though with 30 lags. Last night he said he was exhausted from prepping for an audit. I asked about it today and he texted "It went great" along with compliments, kisses and hearts for asking. It's now Fri after 10 and NO mention of plans. I last saw him Sun at 2am. I'll have plans Sat night if he finally asks. I'm seeing if he'll make any effort to see me imbetween weekends. Also, I still haven't met his family, even his brother. What do you think is going on with him?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hey, so I was In the same exact situation except well it was a girl. She just told me today that things aren't working. I asked her 2 months ago when she became distant and basicly everything you said. I asked her countless times to tel me what was wrong she kept saying nothing she made no effort to hang out I would always ask her when she had off. I pleaded to just be honest and she never was. I don't know what is going on in his head but if you don't want to keep it dragging for longer just be straight up with him. "You have changed, you make no effort anymore, Im tiered of it, you owe me an explanation". 2 months is a long time and 1 year and he can't tell you what's wrong? That's total crap he owes you just as she owed me to tell me 2 months ago. She claims it was only the past 3 days. She said good night babe last night? Don't be me I gave her the Chance to say it because I love her. She never had the courage to do so so she let it run. I hope it turns out well good luck. P. s get an answer don't stay in the gray area

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    • Last night I asked him what he was up to and how he was feeling and he got really talkative, told me all about the week he's had at work. He said he went home to lay down, had a major headache. He said the good news is he got my gift in the mail and that there's another one coming. He did mention it on Tues Said he just wanted to get a little something to show how much he cares about me. He said he wants to spend time with me either Sat night or Sun depending on how long it takes to get stuff done at his mother's house. He's helping with repairs. He also said he's so tired from the week that he'd rather do a sleepover at his place tonight but it depends on if his brother is there. His brother often stays away on weekends but not always. It's really limiting our time together that he's uncomfortable with me meeting his brother. After a year! I guess he's not trying to break up but he doesn't seem to want to move things forward either.

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    • Yeah and that's why I ended it. That's all it was after a while we hung out had sex she left. I'm so sorry 😔. But hey things happen. My thing is I just hate that they can't speak up if they aren't ready for something serious. I hope it all goes well. If you need anything else please few free to send me a message. Good luck!

    • Thanks!

Most Helpful Girl

  • It could be that he is pulling away. And perhaps does not have the guts to tell you.
    But it could also be that he has problems he needs to solve, and perhaps he is not even aware of it. I mean, what if he is overwhelmed, anxious, depressed... and his pulling away because he is withdrawing into himself? I am saying this because I lived a similar experience, from your boyfriend's side. I was depressed and I did not know. My personality completely changed. I had hard time expressing my struggle verbally for number of reasons. I had terrible mood swings - I was super happy and hopeful some days (and we had great times together), some others I was super sad, angry, complaining (and we had fights). I pulled away from him. Low in self-esteem, he thought this was all about HIM while in reality it was about ME ("she changed, she is not nice with me anymore, she does not like me, she is not happy with the relationship, I cannot make her happy, what is wrong with me, I am not happy"). He pulled away too and was not there for me when I needed his help the most. He ended the relationship in a horrible way, he dumped me to pursue someone else and likely cheated ("we were incompatible, I am happy now"). Of course making me hit the rock bottom hard - it was the lowest point I ever reached in my life.
    What I am saying here is that you should not immediately jump to the conclusion that his behavior is due problems with you. It could him. I would not exclude the possibility that he is going through a difficult time in his life (for whatever reason, work, family, health). Perhaps his being always tired and forgetful is due to depression. Perhaps he is not comfortable introducing his brother to you (and not vice-versa!).
    I would talk to him and express your feelings. See what he says.

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    • So Fri I asked how he is, he got talkative, talked about his rough work week, needed to crash. He said he has a gift to give to me because he wanted to show how much he cares. I asked when he's free, he said maybe Sat or Sun, he has to help his mom out and wants to catch up on sleep. I asked if he'd be up for a sleepover. He wrote he'd love that! But has to help his mom. And that hopefully his brother isn't home. It was weirdly ambiguous. At 8, I asked how things were going. He said, "It's going. Dealing w/ a headache." I asked about tonight. After 15 min of no response I asked if everything was ok. He said he had been dealing with his family all day. Helping his mom out while giving her support regarding his sister who's having a biopsy. He talked about the difficulty of being the oldest. I said things to cheer him up. He said I made him smile. He hasn't said anything about getting together tomorrow (Sun) instead. Normally he's very clear. Is he blowing me off? I don't get it.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • Just give him some space, don't call or text him

    Lets see if he missing you!!

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