She left me cold.

I met a girl in my class during college. I sat next to her on the first day and after a few days we began talking to one another. First on just class stuff, then we began to open up to one another. This when on for two full months until I summoned the courage to ask her to have coffee with me. Fortunately she said yes. Thanksgiving break then happened, but I resolved I was going to ask her on a date when school resumed.

So I asked her to go on the date with me and, to put it short, she said yes and we went on it at the end of the week. I think we both had a lot of fun. During this whole time we continued to sit next to each other and tease each other and talk and I made sure to incorporate kino. The following weekend we had to study for final exams, so I didn't ask her to do anything.

On the last day of class, in between our last two exams, she asked me to walk with her and keep her company and we sat on a bench for three hours. During this time, I asked her to see a movie the following week. Because that was the last day of college, the movie would be over break. I picked a day and she told me she'd let me know. When we said goodbye that day, it was our usual teasing banter and when I said bye to her I thought I'd see her again.

It's been a month and a half and I haven't.

Long story short, she called me the day before we planned to see the movie to say she couldn't go because of family. A few days later it was my birthday and she called and said happy birthday. The next week I asked her to do something else with me. She didn't reply right away, but two days later asked when I wanted to go. I was happy because I thought she actually meant it, but in reality, whatever day I picked--I ended up offering three days--she said she was busy. So I told her when she had time to let me know so we could hang out.

I haven't heard from her since.

It's weird because if not a potential girlfriend, I thought we were close enough to be friends. But she hasn't even called to check up on me or say hey. I feel like I've come away empty handed.

She's transferring to either an in-state or out-of-state college next year, so this was probably doomed from the start, but I thought we'd enjoy it until then anyway.

But the fact that she apparently doesn't even consider me a friend makes it feel like I've just been living in an illusion this whole time, that the past four, five months have been a lie constructed by myself.

I sometimes think about the time we had and how joyous it seemed to me...and then I realize that maybe it was nothing much to her so I wonder if there's even a point of remembering it all anyway.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Dude, I'm truly sorry to hear what's been going on; it's happened to me and it's the worse feeling ever - doubting yourself, wondering if you've been living a lie constructed by your worse enemy...yourself!

    Still what has been, has been and you should now think about what you can do in the present and for the future. Enough contacting her by phone/internet, give her breathing space; she may actually like you but knows she doesn't want to have a short relationship knowing she's off soon. Instead, talk to her when you're both together, sit her down (maybe on that same bench) and ask her what's up, tell her you have strong emotions for her and that you want to help her anyway possible.

    Yes, this is sort of 'putting it on the line' but trust me when I say its better to feel that dreaded anticipation for a few seconds then to wonder for the next few months what might/could/never had been.

    Make sure before you sit her down for a serious conversation, you both have the time for it, you can't rush this and you both don't want to have any extra pressures - you both want to have complete concentration on 'solving' this matter.

    She'll either tell you the truth, or make up some excuse in order to avoid the truth...either way you'll tell her not to worry and that you'll be there if she needs - she just has to call YOU.

    Leave it as that and don't contact her, she'll remember what you said and ponder to herself whether its worth contacting you later, if she doesn't then was she really the right person for you? Would you really have wanted to her to have left you cold during a relationship when you'd of thought nothing could possibly go wrong now!?

    Food for thought.

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    • The problem is that I won't ever see her unless she calls me and asks me to meet up. And considering it's been several weeks since she's contacted me, I don't see that happening. I just don't get it...how could all this dissipate just like that? She just hasn't bothered contacting at all.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • It sounds to me like she considers you to be a good friend but started to think that you were into her and didn't want to give you the idea that she was into you too. I wouldn't spend so much time with a guy I didn't consider to be my friend, but if I was into a guy I would take every chance I could get to hang out with him.

    There is always the possibility that she is into you but based on what you shared it sounds like that is what's going on. If things don't work out, I'm sure you'll find someone else because you sound like a nice guy! If you get a chance could you respond to my post in flirting? I called it "What does he think about me?"

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    • I don't know why I haven't heard from her then, if she'd considered me a "good" friend. It's been three weeks. I don't want to call/text her because if she feels that way about me being into her, then it'd probably just be better if I forget about her because that feeling sucks. Would you just cut off contact like that?

    • Also, she did go on the date with me and after that I acted the same way for the remaining week of the semester and she still invited me to walk with her and she put up with me for three hours. I mean...if she really was grossed out, would she really do that?

What Guys Said 1

  • You will make a lot of "school friends". Basically, people you are friends with for the duration of school or even a semester. After that, you never really see them again. This girl was one of those people. Sorry.

    Also, don't wait 2 months in future to ask a girl out.

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    • But it doesn't have to be like that, doesn't it? I wanted to continue the relationship and, as you said, I feared that I'd never see her again, so I tried to do something about it. And she did go on a date with me, which I would hope would put me out of merely "school friend" status.

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