this is a little lengthy but please any advice is helpful! this is a questions for the females out there, I'm deeply in love with my ex girlfriend. We both had emotions go crazy when we first met each other that we had never felt for anyone before. At first I wasn't so sure about her tho because of her past, she fated one of my friends and cheated on him. we went to college together, were close friends, hooked up, after I graduated I finally asked her out. I missed her a lot and wanted her to be mine. we dated for a year and a few months and lived together. anyways we broke up a month and a half ago. I'm afraid she thinks I'm still that same guy that I was before when I took her for granted. I regret all of that and I went to her house about 2 weeks ago and we had a blast, she said this feels so right being with you. I was so happy and immediately got attached again, went overboard with the I miss you and love you, etc. anyways I talked to her on Tuesday (128) - I sent her a video of me signing 'i miss my best friend, how are you, how is school' - she taught me sign language because her brother is deaf but didn't know I knew how to sign that...I'm still new at it...she sent me back a message bringing up an incident int eh past and said if you were my best friend you wouldn't have done this..blah blah...anyways I responded back with I just wanted to show you how I felt at that moment, I know you're busy with school but I just wanted to send that to you. she replied with ' I'm not going to lie I miss you too, but I don't think we can work' now I KNOW she wants it to work but she doesn't want to get her hopes up and be let down again. I have a feeling she's nervous of giving in because she thinks we will end up the same...how do I contact her next? I have to see her on Friday at her work and give her a check from our security deposit we got back...should I give her a letter with it saying ' you are special I want you to know that and beautiful in every way - you deserve the world and its what I have to offer" or should I just hand her the check and say hope you're doing well...when we hang out in person everything is so different she falls for me again - I'm just nervous about asking her to hang out, something quick and easy to remind her of how perfect we are together and how I will never take her for granted again...girls please help me out and give me some advice on my next steps to getting her closer to me and opening up again - I don't want to push my luck like I have before - I'm assuming since she said she misses me still I still have a chance..i just need some female advice...please help - thanks
Most Helpful Girl
OK hun, some pretty strong advice. This girl is VERY smart. She is also very good to herself. Look, you f***ed up, yet you know she is special. You will not be able to win her back, until you are able to prove yourself as reliable. This, I would do first. Now, the hard part.
Let her go. Let her learn how to be on her own; be her friend. She might be beautiful and smart and be the one and only for you, but she is right, if you take her for granted, she is going to split. You cannot change your own behavior patterns in just a few weeks. Missing her and 'wanting her to be yours' does not make a relationship. BEING with her, listening to her, respecting her, honoring her, is what will make things work, in the long run. It sounds like she recognizes this. It also sounds like she feels the same as you.
For the check transaction, be a man. Stand up straight, let her know that your heart broke, and that you know that you both have some growing to do, and ask her what it would take for her to trust you again. It's pretty simple. She might say:
1 - "I don't know." It's okay. Smile and said "I don't know either, but I am here for you."
2 - "I want X from you." Awesome. She is mature enough to recognize what she wants from the relationship. Make sure you know too, and are willing to discuss it with her.
3 - "I don't want to be with you." Walk away. You cannot win her back, and you will need to grieve the relationship. Don't kill both of your hearts by "let's be friends" You may be friends again eventually, but the both of you will need to be alone to let your attraction die, so that you are not hovering on the blade of indecision.
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