To the girls, how can I bring my ex back?

this is a little lengthy but please any advice is helpful! this is a questions for the females out there, I'm deeply in love with my ex girlfriend. We both had emotions go crazy when we first met each other that we had never felt for anyone before. At first I wasn't so sure about her tho because of her past, she fated one of my friends and cheated on him. we went to college together, were close friends, hooked up, after I graduated I finally asked her out. I missed her a lot and wanted her to be mine. we dated for a year and a few months and lived together. anyways we broke up a month and a half ago. I'm afraid she thinks I'm still that same guy that I was before when I took her for granted. I regret all of that and I went to her house about 2 weeks ago and we had a blast, she said this feels so right being with you. I was so happy and immediately got attached again, went overboard with the I miss you and love you, etc. anyways I talked to her on Tuesday (128) - I sent her a video of me signing 'i miss my best friend, how are you, how is school' - she taught me sign language because her brother is deaf but didn't know I knew how to sign that...I'm still new at it...she sent me back a message bringing up an incident int eh past and said if you were my best friend you wouldn't have done this..blah blah...anyways I responded back with I just wanted to show you how I felt at that moment, I know you're busy with school but I just wanted to send that to you. she replied with ' I'm not going to lie I miss you too, but I don't think we can work' now I KNOW she wants it to work but she doesn't want to get her hopes up and be let down again. I have a feeling she's nervous of giving in because she thinks we will end up the same...how do I contact her next? I have to see her on Friday at her work and give her a check from our security deposit we got back...should I give her a letter with it saying ' you are special I want you to know that and beautiful in every way - you deserve the world and its what I have to offer" or should I just hand her the check and say hope you're doing well...when we hang out in person everything is so different she falls for me again - I'm just nervous about asking her to hang out, something quick and easy to remind her of how perfect we are together and how I will never take her for granted again...girls please help me out and give me some advice on my next steps to getting her closer to me and opening up again - I don't want to push my luck like I have before - I'm assuming since she said she misses me still I still have a chance..i just need some female advice...please help - thanks


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Most Helpful Girl

  • OK hun, some pretty strong advice. This girl is VERY smart. She is also very good to herself. Look, you f***ed up, yet you know she is special. You will not be able to win her back, until you are able to prove yourself as reliable. This, I would do first. Now, the hard part.

    Let her go. Let her learn how to be on her own; be her friend. She might be beautiful and smart and be the one and only for you, but she is right, if you take her for granted, she is going to split. You cannot change your own behavior patterns in just a few weeks. Missing her and 'wanting her to be yours' does not make a relationship. BEING with her, listening to her, respecting her, honoring her, is what will make things work, in the long run. It sounds like she recognizes this. It also sounds like she feels the same as you.

    For the check transaction, be a man. Stand up straight, let her know that your heart broke, and that you know that you both have some growing to do, and ask her what it would take for her to trust you again. It's pretty simple. She might say:

    1 - "I don't know." It's okay. Smile and said "I don't know either, but I am here for you."

    2 - "I want X from you." Awesome. She is mature enough to recognize what she wants from the relationship. Make sure you know too, and are willing to discuss it with her.

    3 - "I don't want to be with you." Walk away. You cannot win her back, and you will need to grieve the relationship. Don't kill both of your hearts by "let's be friends" You may be friends again eventually, but the both of you will need to be alone to let your attraction die, so that you are not hovering on the blade of indecision.

    Does that help?

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    • It def helps, I've given her space since I posted this. I've also learned that I can't just tell her I've changed and who I am - I tried that a few weeks after we broke up, she said I don't want to know what youve become because if youw ere the guy you were now when we were dating wed be perfect....also she said she doesn't know if we can work because of our past...she enver said she didn't want to be with me eventually - she's told me multiple times she wants me in her future somehow...cont

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    • Honey, you are not listening to me. That you are here, waiting for responses, tells me that you are more focused on trying to "win her back" than on doing whatever it was that you need to do in order to maintain a long term relationship. I cannot answer you if asking her out for breakfast is good. You broke her trust, it sounds like you have a series of relationship speed bumps, and have still not said what they are. THOSE are what you should be focusing on, not holding hands over toast.

    • Im listening andi agree with what you are saying, I just want to SHOW her I've changed, not tell her..i wasn't sure about us 4-5 months ago and we separated for a week and then I told her all I wanted was her, we argued A LOT and she hated me for saying I wasn't sure..so after a month or 2 she broke it off and said she needed time and space because of school and work, so I gave her that..ive worked on myself, my attitude, actions, listening, I just want to SHOW her not tell her..im just nervous to ask

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What Girls Said 3

  • I see why you asked girls. She still wants you from what I can see. To get her to say yes to hang out is to get her in private like when you give her her check. Then ask her to sometime to have a coffee or something. She can't easily say no if she wants to be with you. And also don't write her a cheesy note like you were thinking. Like I said ask her to a coffee.

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    • So basically base her answer on how fast she answers if she wants to be with me...an 'i don't know maybe if I have time'...not "no" right away...how should I react, -- "aight, whenever your available maybe?" or "ok, have a good day(or weekend)" see I don't want to over analyze or assume is all...at that point do I base NC till she calls or just whatever...? lol I dunno

  • Tell her that you love her with all your heart.

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  • Sounds like she still likes you, but you hurt her and she's afraid you'll hurt her again. You need to sit down, and without going overboard, sincerely apologize for whatever you did... Telling her you miss her and you love her isn't going to mean anything to her unless you put that aside, admit you were wrong, tell her that you know you took her for granted in the past, but that you learned your lesson, you love her, and you'll never make that mistake again. Just own up to it. You basically have to convince her that you're sorry and you're never going to hurt her again, otherwise she's not going to want you back, no matter how many times you tell her you love her or miss her... You still have a chance, though, if you play your cards right.

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    • Thanks, I am working on my progress with her...I've told her I am different and changed and really worked on myself and she says she doesn't wanna hear how good I am now uz if I was the way I was now when she was good to me we'd be perfect...i've learned actions speak louder than words so I'm workin on gettin her to hang with me 1v1 ..I'm going to give it another week and ask her friday to bfast next weekend..i just gotta show her I'm different instead of saying I am-hopefully I get that chance

What Guys Said 1

  • I know why you asked for female advice, because male advice would be something like "stop being a f**, no doubt she's grinding on some guys c++k right now while your being a f**, stop it bro"

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    • Lololol tru...I asked girls because I wanna know what they wouldnlookfor in order to give their ex another chance...I've been doing a lot of working and figuring out myself o become a better person for her again or well another girl..just lookin for advice but yeah lol that's why some guys say I've been told diff things but guys/girls think differently and I need girl advice and how I can up my chances

    • Good luck

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