I need to know if there's more going on.. My ex and I have been in an on and off relationship since February, with 4 break ups during that time?

from the start, I met all of his friends and family and he did the same for mine. We live 1.5hrs from each other, and I go up more than he comes down.

The first break up was because of a kiss. But we got back together and everything went back to normal. The second one occurred because he wasn't ready for a relationship. In his defense he was very depressed, which I was well aware of. He pushed everyone away. I chased him. I love Him and hated seeing him down. & we got back together. 3rd time, same reason. But this time I blocked him off all social media and did not contact him.

He called 2 weeks later saying he needs me in his life. I was very hesitant, but told him to stop telling me and start showing me. The following day he knocked on my door, genuinely apologetic. We got back together after two weeks. We spoke about our future & how I would move in, in a year and a half (after uni). he came down to stay at my place more than he ever had previously. I was happy, and he told me he was too.

Yesterday I told him we need to go to my cousins, say hello and give the present. He didn't want to. I couldn't understand why it was a big deal. I told him it's important to spend time with my family. He responded with "why, do you think we're going to get married".

I asked if he saw a future with me. he didn't know, when he thinks about his future he sees himself alone, and this is just passing time. I asked where this all came from, he said he hadn't had these thoughts before, it all came in that moment. He said "sorry, I love you, but i change my mind all the time. I tried, but I can't change. you deserve better".

I know I deserve someone better. But he's everything I want, apart from the emotional abuse. Sometimes our relationship isn't healthy, but it's amazing when it's just him and I. But as soon as he has doubt, he turns cold and brutal (like his father).

I know that time will help, but I feel like there's something more. It's like he's two different people.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's hard to say if there's more to the breakup then he is telling you because there's not enough information to determine if he's depressed again which is possible. As far as if you are wondering if it's something else there isn't enough information to give you a better answer than that. If he was always hanging out with people or started talking to other women then there might be something more to base it off of. You deserve to be happy and in a healthy relationship hopefully you find it soon!

    • He could be depressed again, I was helping him work through a gambling problem and he only just recently admitted that he had a drinking problem too. Which I promised to help him through and give him the love and soup port he needs. This is why I'm confused, I know all of his friends and he did spend a lot of time with them, but I was always invited along as majority of his mates are in relationships also & I get along well with there girlfriends. & his phone is an open book so as far as I know there's no other women. it's just frustrating, we've been through so much together and everytime we've broken up we've been drawn back together. I don't know what to do

    • I have been dealing with depression for a couple of years it's terrible if you add anything else to it then it becomes much harder to deal with. That can lead to sleepless nights plus change in behavior and moods. When you add vices to depression it could make things harder on him and since there's no evidence to suggest it's anything else I would then believe it's the depression and vices that are causing your breakups. I have a lot of respect for you being there for him and helping him through this I know it is tough on you. Hopefully everything works out soon so you can be happy!

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What Girls Said 1

  • It's true you deserve someone better, however we're all allowed to change our minds, what you may be 100% sure of now you won't be in the future and think the total opposite, but in the mean time why would you want to be withs someone who doesn't put in the effort that you need to, also involving your family things etc.


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