So this is a long story - I have talked to some friends about this, but I'm kind of to the point where I just want some outside advice. Me and my ex dated for a year and 4 months and we lived together. We had our issues here and there, but nothing big. About a month ago I was feeling stressed and confused, and as a result I was not communicating with him. Finally after him begging me to tell him what was bothering me, I told him that I just needed some space. A couple days later he texted me saying that he was moving out because it was just too hard to live with me when I was being so distant. Over the next week he would try texting me asking if we could get together and talk. Well I was so caught up with my life, and the financial burden he left when he moved out, that I never reached out to him to have that talk, until about a week ago. We texted and talked about our feelings and he told me how hurt he was, among other things. We agreed to talk in person, so the next day he came over. It was 4 hours worth of crying (on both our parts) and talking about what happened all while laying in bed cuddling and kissing. Ultimately, it was mistakes on both of our parts that caused all the drama. I told him I wanted to work things out, but he told me that I hurt him so much that he just didn't feel like we could go back to how we were, at least not at the time. So we decided to end things and give each other space. Three days later I sent him a text inquiring about what he wanted me to do with his mail - instead I get a text from a girl using HIS phone telling me to stop contacting her boyfriend. He told me that he met a girl at a military related function about a week and half prior to us finally talking in person. But he told me that she was just someone to talk to during the time that I wasn't talking to him once he moved out. Obviously this is a rebound - I mean how could it not be? Of course I am hurt like hell, but I am being mature and leaving him be.(continued below)
Most Helpful Guy
You are way too confused to make any rational decisions. You were pulling away for a reason and that reason was your energy beam wasn't connected any more. That is out of our control we have no power to make that connect again, if it even was to begin with. You need to to get back to the mindset of where it was before you started missing what you had before so you can get back to looking within yourself to have the peace you need that was missing while with him.
Now that he was entertaining himself while you were split it will never be a good connection again. The relationship is over. You will never trust him again fully. he already told you that himself. You do not want HIM back you want a connection that fulfills you. There is nothing good by you forcing this to work.
Love is effortless and never allows the heart and mind to drift away. That is an energy of it's own.
So now you need to grieve the loss and move on without contact because that will just hurt you more and bring more turmoil because the love you wish to have does not exist any-longer.
Nothing I read of this even hinted of anything promising.
Take this time to learn more what you desire and settle for nothing less. You deserve much more and you were almost there while you too were together, only loneliness is causing this question to be asked. but deep down you know what the answer is.
you will find true love someday do not look for it nor get distracted by others that are less than what you desire. Make a list of what you want and believe some day you will receive it. Take this time to figure yourself out and do not kill time with people who don't fit the list.
Good luck and ask your Creator for guidance.2
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Most Helpful Girl
I'm so sorry for what you're going through... that sounds horrible and similar to what happened to my boyfriend and I. He got super distant and I took that as a hint that he wanted to end it, and so I broke up with him. I think when people get distant we panic and think things are over. But what I fear happened with my ex and I is what was going on with you... you just needed space. You were stressed and confused, and wanted to have some time to figure things out on your own. Your boyfriend and I did the exact same thing by panicking and running away because we felt the love was not there.
But it actually was, right? So yes I do believe there is still hope for you to get back to where you left off before things deteriorated like they did. You obviously still care about him... you're letting him carry on with an obvious rebound while you're in pain missing him... so give him time but not too much time because the more space between you, the more work needs to be done to repair what's happened.
Talk to him in private again. Be honest, be real, tell him how you feel. Make sure he knows how much you want to put everything that's happened behind you and move forward together.
Luck to you both.1