Is there a chance my ex will come back? Long post, but please read?

So this is a long story - I have talked to some friends about this, but I'm kind of to the point where I just want some outside advice. Me and my ex dated for a year and 4 months and we lived together. We had our issues here and there, but nothing big. About a month ago I was feeling stressed and confused, and as a result I was not communicating with him. Finally after him begging me to tell him what was bothering me, I told him that I just needed some space. A couple days later he texted me saying that he was moving out because it was just too hard to live with me when I was being so distant. Over the next week he would try texting me asking if we could get together and talk. Well I was so caught up with my life, and the financial burden he left when he moved out, that I never reached out to him to have that talk, until about a week ago. We texted and talked about our feelings and he told me how hurt he was, among other things. We agreed to talk in person, so the next day he came over. It was 4 hours worth of crying (on both our parts) and talking about what happened all while laying in bed cuddling and kissing. Ultimately, it was mistakes on both of our parts that caused all the drama. I told him I wanted to work things out, but he told me that I hurt him so much that he just didn't feel like we could go back to how we were, at least not at the time. So we decided to end things and give each other space. Three days later I sent him a text inquiring about what he wanted me to do with his mail - instead I get a text from a girl using HIS phone telling me to stop contacting her boyfriend. He told me that he met a girl at a military related function about a week and half prior to us finally talking in person. But he told me that she was just someone to talk to during the time that I wasn't talking to him once he moved out. Obviously this is a rebound - I mean how could it not be? Of course I am hurt like hell, but I am being mature and leaving him be.(continued below)

Updates:
I unfriended him on facebook (even though he begged me not to), but I was just so mad after receiving that text from that girl. I should mention that we never officially broke up until last week when he came over to talk. Is there any chance that eventually he will come back to me? Any advice would be great. Thanks.
Thank you everyone for your answers. I'm gonna just take time for myself and hopefully that will give me clarity on the situation. I've realized that I am not in any emotional position to make any decisions right now. It hurts like hell, but in retrospect he did technically choose her over me, and I'm not sure that I could ever get past that if he does end up realizing he made a mistake and comes crawling back.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are way too confused to make any rational decisions. You were pulling away for a reason and that reason was your energy beam wasn't connected any more. That is out of our control we have no power to make that connect again, if it even was to begin with. You need to to get back to the mindset of where it was before you started missing what you had before so you can get back to looking within yourself to have the peace you need that was missing while with him.
    Now that he was entertaining himself while you were split it will never be a good connection again. The relationship is over. You will never trust him again fully. he already told you that himself. You do not want HIM back you want a connection that fulfills you. There is nothing good by you forcing this to work.
    Love is effortless and never allows the heart and mind to drift away. That is an energy of it's own.
    So now you need to grieve the loss and move on without contact because that will just hurt you more and bring more turmoil because the love you wish to have does not exist any-longer.
    Nothing I read of this even hinted of anything promising.
    Take this time to learn more what you desire and settle for nothing less. You deserve much more and you were almost there while you too were together, only loneliness is causing this question to be asked. but deep down you know what the answer is.
    you will find true love someday do not look for it nor get distracted by others that are less than what you desire. Make a list of what you want and believe some day you will receive it. Take this time to figure yourself out and do not kill time with people who don't fit the list.
    Good luck and ask your Creator for guidance.

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    • I really appreciated your answer. It was thought out well, and most of all it was honest. This is exactly why I wanted to get advice from people who I do not know - most of the time friends don't want to tell you what you need to hear. But you're right, obviously I was drifting away for a reason - and if I don't take the time to clear my thoughts and really think deep down about what that reason was, I could ultimately end up getting back together with him and then realizing that I made a mistake. Who knows what will happen in the future with me and him, but for now I really do need to separate myself from him and work on myself.

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    • I want to thank you again for your advice on this. I did exactly what you said and I ultimately did end up back with that mindset I had when I first started pulling away, which honestly really only took a couple of weeks. I think that what had made me "think" that I wanted to get back together with him was because he was with someone else. I ended up realizing that I was emotionally done a long time ago, and I am glad I took the time for myself to get back to that place. He did end up trying to come back to fix things, but I was done and had already started talking to someone new, who I am still very happy with. So thank you once again :)

    • Awww you are more than welcome. I am happy for your happiness now. I had went through the same thing a few times so after that it was knowledge that needs to be passed on and now it yours to do the same to the still suffering , lol
      God bless you and now that you got the new guy appreciate him a little bit extra just because he is not what you had before, lol

Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm so sorry for what you're going through... that sounds horrible and similar to what happened to my boyfriend and I. He got super distant and I took that as a hint that he wanted to end it, and so I broke up with him. I think when people get distant we panic and think things are over. But what I fear happened with my ex and I is what was going on with you... you just needed space. You were stressed and confused, and wanted to have some time to figure things out on your own. Your boyfriend and I did the exact same thing by panicking and running away because we felt the love was not there.

    But it actually was, right? So yes I do believe there is still hope for you to get back to where you left off before things deteriorated like they did. You obviously still care about him... you're letting him carry on with an obvious rebound while you're in pain missing him... so give him time but not too much time because the more space between you, the more work needs to be done to repair what's happened.

    Talk to him in private again. Be honest, be real, tell him how you feel. Make sure he knows how much you want to put everything that's happened behind you and move forward together.

    Luck to you both.

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    • Thank you for replying. I guess my biggest concern is pushing him away by trying to contact him. I told him I would give him space, so I am going to follow through - but what if I wait too long and lose my chance? I feel like I lose either way.

    • That's a good point - how long is too long, how much space is too much space. You need to show him somehow that you're so not over him. Something subtle, but to get the point across. You'll find the right answer. My only suggestion is to get back as friends on facebook. Then maybe post a quote that he'll know is about him. That's what I'm doing anyway, and even though it hasn't worked for me, maybe you'll have much better luck. I hope so.

    • The reason why the suggestions haven't worked out yet is because NOBODY can force love. Everything happens for a reason. And in both of your reasons is it wasn't meant to be. In all reality both of you had an easy nice smooth break up. take that as a blessing and now move on and search within yourself to prepare yourself for what real love has to show you. I guarantee once you find the true love it will never fade.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I've never had experience with this type of thing, but I understand how you feel, it's such a horrible feeling. tbh, give it some time, see how you feel after a while about him. I recently just told my ex to block me on facebook, because I can't stand seeing her without getting upset and remembering, but it's helping. All I can say is hope for the best. Good luck!

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What Girls Said 1

  • Why would you want him back he an ex for a reason?

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