Any advices to get my life straight?

I got dumped a little over 2 months ago.
I've been working out a lot, but i can't quite focus on my career or anything at all, I'm struggling too much, what saddens me is that my ex doesn't give a fuck about it, she's having so much fun and her life is just perfect, while I feel stuck at mine. I had plans with her of moving to another city, but since she moved away to another one I really feel abandonned and Im even scared of it.
It's like anything is going well for me.

I got dumped for random reasons, she just woke up one day and told me she should split.

Any advices?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I would take a cue of her behavior, namely that she doesn't care and is having so much fun. Is it possible that since your breakup that life has given her a couple of nice cards? Sure, it's possible. How likely is it? You might know better, but I'm tempted to think 50 / 50.

    Flaunting how great things are sounds like her own mental defense. She probably has her own internal issues to deal with, and her approach to address them is to try to get support from family and friends to help her feel better. It also helps her stroke her ego because she has you groveling for her to come back. By advertising herself as being in such a wonderful position it probably gets her all kinds of attention from everyone in her life. I'm guessing that inside of her there is probably loneliness and / or insecurity of some kind, so she wants to put up a front about how things are so wonderful to boost her own feelings and to get other people to reach out to her and congratulate her.

    As some female posters mentioned: the best thing to do is get into your mind that the relationship is over and keep working on yourself. You should cut contact with her entirely (block her phone number, unfriend her on social media, delete her email address, etc.), as it will force you to seek other company and activities that will help take your mind off of her and the relationship. If you have any mementos of her (pictures, gifts, etc.), box them up and put them in a storage spot you rarely look at. It will help you to not have constant reminders of her in your everyday life. Try it for about two weeks and see how you feel.

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    • thanks dude, for now ima stick to no contact and if she texts im going to ignore her, as much as i miss her I feel like she's a complete stranger and it hurts because I feel the love we once had dying, like im watching it die right in front of me and there's nothing I can do.

      Its true I would get back to her if she at least recognizes she did me wrong on so many things and never apologized for ANY of them, and probably won't so why would i want to go back to someone that is too fed up with herself? its toxic... but I miss her too much, ima try to put everything she gave me on some place. I tossed in the trash one present, it was hard to do but i was angry... I can't block her because I feel the attachment still and I would hurt me more to just delete her, I didn't put her on a pedestal but she really played an important role in my life.

      thanks for your advices though, I'm going to give myself sometime to sort things out and clear my mind.

    • If you want to leave communication open, then try taking a notepad and jotting down her number, email, etc. and put that in the box with anything else that you put away. That way if you need it, you have it, but when you scroll through your contacts list it won't be right there every time you need to use your phone. Part of the idea of no-contact and focusing on yourself is the old saying, "out of sight, out of mind."

      I get that it sucks. But at least you recognize one big, important thing: there's nothing you can do about it. Since you can't change it, you need to try to work with the circumstances you have.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Firstly, no ones life is perfect. Secondly, your belief that her life is "better" than yours shouldn't be your focus, you should focus on what you do have to be happy about, and realize that you're giving her power over you, and she isn't even trying to hurt you, but you're allowing her to, by spending so much time caring about her and her life. It sounds like you need to find some perspective and stop thinking about your relationship with her, try to find someone else, who may be worse off, that you could offer help to, and feel like you're accomplishing something.

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    • actually she was the one telling me all that stuff a couple of days ago, I promised myself not to talk to her ever again because all she wants to do is hurt me by being mean to me and humiliating me because I don't have money, all I have is an engineering degree and an entry level job now... but what she said to me has been stuck on my mind because I never expected that from her, its like i wasn't enough even when i now i tried my best.

    • They are just material things (not worth value), and if she is giving you shit for how your life is, then it means she is actually unhappy with her own.

  • It sucks being dumped, but what you have to realize is she's not having a shitty time because she's not letting herself, you can just be bummed out because she's not letting it get her down. Her life is what she makes it, and she not dwelling on the past! Keep up the work out, wake up everyday, eat, shower stay busy the more bored you are the more sad you will get. It will pass

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    • thanks for your advice!!
      And yeah, she's kinda selfish, thats why its so easy for her just to ignore things and work on herself, thats all she ever does.

  • It feels awful being dumped with any reasons. I understand how hard it feels to focus on anything. Spend time with your family and close friends. Your time is not for somebody who doesn't care about you.

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