Should I get in touch with my Long Distance flame?

Earlier this year I was seeing this guy long distance (4 hours away by flight.) We met online, and connected so well, that within 1 month of texting he flew over to see me. We just clicked and spent 5 great days together. After that we went on holiday together, so we could get to know each other better and decide whether to pursue a relationship. Again we had a great time. I don't think I have connected with someone so well before. We talked endlessly, made jokes, laughed together and made a perfect partnership. We didn't sleep together, becasue I wasn't ready for that, but we did fool around, and physically we seemed very compatible too.

I know that he felt the same at the time as well. He had started to talk about our possible future together, even mentioning marraige and kids (ofcourse only as a possibility down the line.) We also discussed about how we could make the long distance work.

When we parted ways, he told me that he had no doubt in his mind that he wanted to pursue a relationship with me. I felt the same, but I said that I still needed to give it a think, because I didn't want to make a decision in the happy, delirious state I was in.

Over the next few days it became more and more clear to me that I wanted to be with him. But something had changed from his end. He stopped messaging as much. A week later he texted me that he was not sure he should be in a relationsip with anyone then, or he should be alone. You see, he had only broken up with his ex fiance, about 9 months prior, and he felt like he was still not completely over her. I said if he didn't feel sure he was ready, he probably wasn't. And we said our goodbyes. His last text to me was that he hoped we could stay in touch...

I believed in my heart of hearts that he would eventually get in touch with me and want to get back together. But it has been 7 months since, and I haven't heard from him. And for some reason, he keeps coming to my mind. I still miss him dearly, because I felt like we had something very special and we could have made an amazing couple.

Every now and then I pick up my phone to text him. But then decide against it. I feel like if anybody, it should be him to make a move to get in touch... Do you think there is any point in reaching out to him. If so what do I even say?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There's never any harm in trying. Fuck looking pathetic or anything, just reach out. Who knows what he's feeling. Maybe he thinks YOU should reach out first, maybe he feels like he ruined things and doesn't want to text you because he thinks you're upset, etc. Then again it is possible he's moved on, but you never know. Everyone always says it's a terrible idea to reach out to their ex but if you're ready for the possibility of being ignored or rejected then I say fuck it, life's too short to wonder "what if". People that are afraid to get hurt never truly live or experience happiness because they aren't willing to take a chance even if they've been hurt before. Never be afraid to pursue something that will make you happy.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You see... I was in a situation like this. I had not contacted my ex in a few months, until the longing of wanting to talk to him became too much. We "rekindled" our romance, so to speak, until he abruptly changed his mind and moved on from me, after weeks of leading me on. It was incredibly painful, and I still miss him to this day, even though he treated me badly. I took the risk of things going down in flames, and unfortunately, they did go down in flames. So, you can only really guess what's doing to happen, since I ever expected that to happen.

    If it's been 7 months since you've talked, chances are, he's either moved on from his fiancee or has found someone else. The only way to find out is to reach out, since he hasn't. Be prepared, though. It isn't always smooth sailing.

    Good luck :)

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What Guys Said 3

  • I can see where you are coming from. Long distance relationships are not really feasible, in most cases. They require a lot of extra effort and dedication, from both partners, to make it work. In this case, clearly you are the only one who is willing to go that extra mile, so it's not such a good option to contact him.

    One possible exception might be, if you are willing to relocate to where he lives, or if she can come over to you, it's still worth a shot. Or else, you both should be in a position to meet in person at least once a month or so. If this is not possible, I would advice you to let this one go.

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    • We had discussed all this. He is based in Perth, which is 4 or 5 hours away from me, so yes meeting once a month is very possible. He also knows that if I fell in love with him, I would have relocated for him... Long distance was a concern no doubt, but the overriding reason for him to end it was cos of him not being over his ex fiancé...

    • Well... if he can't get over his ex in spite of having someone else who is dedicated to him, perhaps he has a lot of baggage and is just not ready to let it all go. I really don't approve of people who date in spite of having feelings for an ex. They are doing injustice to themselves as well as the person they date.

    • I agree with that. I give him the benefit of the doubt though. He didn't intentionally make me his rebound. On our third day together, the first time he came to see me, I told him I had this concern about him - that he was still healing from his ex. And he assured me it was over for him, and don't think he was lying to me. He just wanted to move on so bad, he had lied to himself.

      Anyway thanks for your opinion. I think, yes, I should just let this one go...

  • A difficult question, where you need to balance up the risk of trying to get in touch, in which case he may have either re-connected with his ex-fiancée, found someone else, change contact details or sworn to a life of loneliness and celibacy; or give up on the concept, in which case, knowing how inquisitive you are, it would be likely that not knowing either way would drive you nuts. I know I would be extremely curious.
    As for the argument of whether he should be the one to contact you, yes, I think he should have, at least to let you know where he is at considering how close he was to you, but arguing that is a moot point at this stage.
    In conclusion, I would recommend you texting him, if only to satisfy your curiosity and find out where he is at, and ruling out that particular option. It very well could be that he has had a lot of things going on over the last few months that have prevented him from contacting you. You never know, but you may as well find out, even if only for a slim chance at happiness. You deserve that much. x

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    • Lol you know me so well... 😜

      But yeah I think it is the closure that I seek with this one, cos I was blindsided. It ended on such a high note... Seemed kinda unreal...

    • Then get the closure, princess... text him and find out what the go is. If there is a chance, pursue it, and if not, at least you know and you can move on...

  • Life is too short to even pose this- just do it!

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