Boyfriend keeps breaking up with me/ giving me ultimatums! Advice?

So my boyfriend and I are both students. I'm 22 and he's 30 and we live together. We've been a couple for 2 years. He's Middle Eastern and I was born in U. S. The thing is, he keeps breaking up with me. One reason has been for being unmotivated and not pushing and building on a business idea he had that we're working on together. He's asked me to change many times and to be more motivated and creative like a Chinese girl. (He dated a few before) Also, we had a huge fight over an apartment he entrusted me to pick out by the end of last month which he hated when he finally saw it for being ugly and smaller than our previous one. I felt so bad! I had picked it in a rush with a small budget. He insulted me like crazy. He can be so sweet and nice. He tells me he loves me often and makes me laugh, he can be very intuitive and affectionate and thanks me every time I help him. BUT he has a very strong temper and when we fight it's basically him yelling and insulting me. He's called me a bitch, stupid, and a motherfucker before and even a buffalo as one of the worst insults to name a few. he's also said I won't be a good mother. He's also pulled my hair before and shoved me. Especially after I got us a bad apartment. This is at his worst when he's super angry. He apologizes sometimes. And I admit that I do mess up a lot of the time. I'm confused on my life. I try to make him happy and I do help him with phone calls when he has an issue and his English homework and essays since he has trouble with the language. I do most of the housework and I take care of the food with a link card budget we have. I have gone over this budget due to bad planning and I did it again today and he went BALLISTIC! He said I couldn't even be trusted with a simple task and asked for his card back. He isn't working due to a car accident he has to work out and said now he has to focus ok homework, fixing his car AND the food issue. What do I do? I think he doesn't want to be with me anymore since I keep messing up. He wants me to change. He
*sorry! Question gets cut off. But I think you guys get the idea. I'm wondering if I really should change and improve as he says
We also had big plans to move and start a business together and Im attached to that dream with him too..


Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't know who @anonymous is, but they have the right idea from the get go. I believe intuitively (perfect word) you know where this is headed. but you seem to be clinging to him, i don't know why... there are guys that would give an arm an a leg for a girl like you (me included) but you seem to stick with the one person that doesn't appreciate what you do.
    If he is so nit-picky about stuff how about you tell him to do that shit himself then?
    And he called you names after all that you have done? thats irritating to me...
    Men like me are out there on the grind looking for women that could do just HALF of what you have mentioned and this douche has way more and he is just abusing it...
    Forget the culture... i say leave his dumbass... let him know the meaning of the phrase "you never know what you had until its gone"...

    • Thanks, this made me feel a lot better. I hope to god you're right and that I find a guy who appreciates me

    • Show All
    • well.. its about time... lol.. thanks for MH

    • Lol you're welcome

Most Helpful Girl

  • It seems like you intuitively know where this relationship is headed; the signs are all there.

    My advice would be to leave him, and I say this because of these reasons:
    -He's 30 and expects you to take care of everything that he's capable of taking care of. He's a grown man!
    -He has broken up with you many times before, so he's just repeating this vicious cycle because he knows you'll always take him back.
    -He compares you to his exes. That is a big NO.
    -He yells at you and insults you; that's verbal abuse.
    -He physically harms you (pulls your hair and shoves you). Any time a man lays a hand on a woman in the relationship, that's a HUGE red flag!! He will only continue to do this because you allow him and stay with him.
    -He SOMETIMES apologizes for what he's done. Firstly, he shouldn't be doing things that warrant apologies, and if he does do those things, he should ALWAYS apologize, not sometimes apologize.
    -He says he has to focus on so many things, yet it seems like he's expecting you to take care of those things.
    -He pretty much sees no future with you, which is not only indicated by his actions and words, but also because he says you "won't be a good mother." I don't know why he's with you if he sees so many problems with you. It seems like he's just waiting for "something better" to come along, and is just staying with you until then (I'm not saying this to offend you, but it seems like he's doing that).
    -He wants to change you.

    Sure, you guys have been together for two years and he has his sweet moments, but I'm seeing a vicious cycle here of verbal and physical abuse, and even psychological abuse (he's telling you you're not good at this, you can't do that, you're not like his exes, etc.). It's not healthy at all, and I think you're letting his good moments outweigh his bad moments, and it honestly shouldn't be like that.

    He doesn't deserve you, and you deserve so much more than what you have with him right now. I don't know why you're allowing him to treat you like this, and I don't know why you tolerate him time and time again. It's not a pleasant decision by any means, but you really need to leave him.

    • Thank you for your insight. I appreciate it! Is made me reconsider a lot of thing. I think you're right..

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Just leave him there isn't any real reason to stay you're still young go enjoy your life and make mistakes people of your age do. If someone was trying to change I would have some choice words for them and as far aa ultimatums are concerned I wouldn't put up with it either. Break up with him, leave, and go find someone who will treat you better like you deserve.

  • I don't know you or your relationship well enough to know what you want. It does sound like he can get angry quickly and is open to direct it at you. He sounds very stressed but I bet he means well. If you want to stay with him, I recommended trying to figure out how to motivate him to calm down when he's angry. I believe that's very important.

  • i hope you find someone who values you, and you value back


What Girls Said 3

  • If he wants you to change, and keeps trying to force you or manipulate you to do so, he isn't someone you should be in a relationship with. He doesn't respect you or value you. Dump his arse, and respect yourself enough not to accept being treated that way.

  • I dont care how nice and sweet he can be. He put his hands on you. Leave him. Otherwise, get used to it. A man who 8 years older than you is having gigantic tantrums, putting everything on your shoulders and he has pulled your hair and shoved you and called you names, because of an apartment. You need to leave. Its only gonna get worse. Most likly he not actually planing on leaving you when he says those things. He using ultimatums as a way to control you. If yooooou dont do what I want, im gonna leave you and it will be yoooour fault. No. He wants you to be mre ambiious and motivated, not for your benifit, but for his. Not to make you happier, for you to take care of him. Dump his ass, or you will suffer.

  • I'd be glad if a guy like that didn't want to be with me. You should be glad too. He's no good, so why lower yourself for an abusive man?
    Let him leave so you can move on to a guy who treats you well.


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