Was I right to break up in the first place and should I reach out to him again (long but please read I'm not sure what to do)?

A month ago I broke up with my long distance ex. We had an amazing relationship and even though I was skeptical at times about staying with him because of the distance I was happy to have him in my life, loved and felt secure talking to him and thought he was worth waiting to see. The few weeks before I broke up with him he just seemed to change. He was drinking a lot and getting mad at me for going out and partying which he never did before. I didn't usually text him when I was out because I was trying to socialize and be with my friends; he usually apologized when he sobered up and I'd chalk it up to him caring about me but it'd always happen again.

One night it got really bad. I got a ride home from my guy friend because I was drunk and he started accusing me of fucking him and threatening that if he touched me he'd fly out and break his arms. I got dropped off and sent him pictures proving it was just a ride and he apologized profusely and started saying I deserved better. I told him it was fine and that I wasn't attracted to him physically, to which he assumed I meant I was emotionally attracted to him and started saying he was sorry for not being there enough and for getting too angry. This would've been nice if he wasn't shitfaced at the time and didn't just cuss me out. The next day I didn't talk to him at all because I needed to think; he spammed me with messages and I told him I needed time to think. He didn't let up; he begged me and pleaded with me for another chance but I got fed up and told him I was sick of his temper lately and that he needs to understand I need space. He told me he was drinking so much because not being able to find a job, his dad cheated on his mom, his grandfather died and it had been eating away at him and that he was scared he was losing me but I blocked essentially all contact with him.

Will continue it and wrap it up.
I got a very sweet letter from him earlier today. In it he told me something he was going to tell me the next time he saw me. It was that he had a crush on me for two years before he worked up the courage to talk to me. He said he was sorry and that he accepted my decision, took responsibility for the break up and said a lot of sweet things that made me smile. He said didn't want to get back together but that maybe we could catch up and try to begin a friendship because we got along so well.
From what I heard he quit drinking, got a job and enlisted in the military. He says with his MOS (idk what that is) he'll likely be stationed close by. I don't know if it's a good idea to reach out to him though, even though I really want to. I just need some insight; has anyone reached out after their ex contacted them and had it work out again or at least become friends?


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What Guys Said 1

  • It seems you were ok with the long distance.

    "he was scared he was losing me". It very clear that the long distance is troubling him not just the fact that he drinks.

    "I blocked essentially all contact with him".
    Not that bad. It will make him understand and respect your feelings.

    "Was I right to break up in the first place and should I reach out to him again".
    For me, this is ok. Let him reach out to you and not you reaching out to him.

    • Sometimes the distance did bother me I won't lie. A guy would hit on me and ask me out and I'd have to reject him for someone I only see once in a while but then I'd text him or snapchat him and remember why I wanted to be with him in the first place. It's true, the distance clearly bothered him as well. In the letter he said one of the reasons he went into overdrive in our relationship was because we used to talk all night on the weekends and he missed that but understood I had to make a place for myself here and he shouldn't have been so selfish. He already reached out to me, I'm just asking people who may have gone through the same thing if it worked or for advice on to what they'd do. I'll make my decision but it's nice to hear some insights. Thanks for your two cents!

What Girls Said 1

  • I wouldn't say you were right or wrong about breaking up with him BUT if I were in that situation (where he had a drinking problem that it affects my relationship), I would've broken up with him too.

    He sounds like he's remorseful about what happened in the past and is asking for a second chance at friendship. If you feel like reconnecting with him and being friends, do it then. in my opinion, it doesn't hurt being friends :)

    Just my 2 cents!

    • I know he's remorseful and if he's stationed close to me then we can finally be together (hopefully). I'm considering reconnecting, I'm just worried I'll start wanting a relationship again and he won't. I don't want to just cut him off either because he's changed so much that it'd be unfair to just ignore him. I want to reconnect but there's a lot of things we'd need to talk about. Thank you so much for the advice, it means a lot!

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