How could she let go so easily and why so sudden?

We've been together for 3 years and 8 months. Just 2 Sundays ago, she told me that she loved me and wanted to start a family etc with me. But then come Monday, suddenly she told me that her love for me is gone. So I tried my best throughout the week to get her back. In the end, I didn't manage to get her back and we broke up.. But she doesn't feel any pain at all. For me, it seems as though the time we spend together didn't mean anything at all..

But to me the pain is excruciating... I really don't know what to do. I just want to cry and sleep...


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Most Helpful Girl

  • 3+ years is a long time. People can't fake their love and feelings for that length of time. The love she had was probably real, but sometimes people change and their feelings change , so they grow apart. It's hard to say why she changed her mind so suddenly. I can only second guess. All you can do is ask her directly.

    The most painful "goodbyes" are the ones unexplained. It leaves you constantly wondering why, so it prevents you moving on. Give her the space she needs. The right person doesn't leave, or they find a way back.

    You have spent a long time loving her, so it's going to take time to get the through the pain you feel right now. Try to speak to her. It would be unkind of her not to give you a reasonable explanation considering how long you were both together

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    • I guess I kinda knows why this happened.. It all happened when she started skyping and texting this guy. And no matter what I said, she just didn't want to stop talking to him..

      I Guess I am just really shocked how much impact this guy has on her.

      Yesterday I decided to try one last time..

      I went over early in the morning with food (who doesn't like food right?) I was filled with confidence because deep down I still believed that she still loves me and that she was just confused..

      After leaving the food on the table, I went into her room and when she saw me, she had this irritated look on her face and she said to me "Why are you here? I thought I told you I didn't want to see you !" (Heartache #1)

      Within the next 10 secs her face became dead. She didn't show any emotion on her face at all.

      After talking for awhile, she admitted that they flashed each other during Skype.

      Crying doesn't get rid of any pain anymore.

      She changed. I am trying to move on.

    • I am very sorry! She obviously doesn't care about your feelings. Respect yourself and walk away , and love yourself enough to move on. I'd just cut all contact in this case. Good luck 😊

Most Helpful Guy

  • He man, we have all been there and you are going to just need to realize she did you a huge favor and that break ups are awesome!
    OK you cried over the loss that is all cool. to continue grieving after reading this is not.
    take a deep breath and exhale that pain away. the first thing you need to do is get to place of acceptance. It is over ! if you get to that place in your soul you are less likely do look desperate foolish and or embarrass yourself. the last thing you want to do is think about her and imagine what she thinks or does. just know deep down she feels pain too a loss is a loss.
    but that is it no more thinking. Thinking will only prolong the healing process.

    This is why I think break ups are amazing favors. It clears the way for us to being one step closer to "THE ONE" the is made just for us. Our Creator knows whats going on and is molding both of you (who haven't met yet) to someday cross paths and effortlessly fall and grow true desired love. Love that never leaves and love that has almost a not good enough word to be explained what the true meaning is.
    What you know now is absolutely nothing of what you with find someday.
    I suffered for years with relationship had many some horrible, some good , some ok but all something wasn't quite right. i was always working on a relationship always needing to get someplace or if that or if this. ya know?
    I even had an great relationship that I did everything right and one day it just ended. confused hurt and yet the grieving process was quick because i knew deep down that i was going to find that special someone.
    but in all of those relationships I realized i looked for them or forced the connection like online dating and other ways that wasn't natural. None of those worked. that was crucial to figure out for me.
    i took some time to figure myself out to clear away resentments and throw away fears and just be happy in my own skin and to grow closer to my Creator. i knew i was great guy and that someone is going to be very happy once we met. but i wasn't going to look for it. and i didn't and as effortless as it is to breathe I found the girl of dreams that I didn't even realize I had dreamed so beautifully.
    So the point is let her go... be grateful for the connection but move on. next figure yourself out and get to a place of utter content with yourself alone. Then with all the blind faith that exists believe deep down you will find the love that is designed for you without looking for it.

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    • Thanks man ! Glad you managed to find the girl of your dreams ! Hopefully one day I'll find mine too.

      What you said is absolutely true. I always thought that in order for both of us to be perfect for each other, we would have to change one another. I guess that's not the case.

      I am really thankful for her. She entered my life and made such an impact. Honestly just last week, I wouldn't believe that everything would be this way. And I always thought I wouldn't function without her.

      But reading your reply reminded me that I have to move on. And that somewhere someone out there is waiting to cross paths with me.

      I will try my best to forget her but remember all the lessons I learnt from this relationship.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 5

  • Because you're still in love with her. The only thing to do is to wait it out. Once your heart becomes indifferent to her, everything will change, for the better, for you. Good luck. A broken spirit is one of the hardest things to push past

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  • She really didn't love you then. If you truly love someone you'd thrive to be with that person and if it really can't work it takes more than a day to honestly completely have it flushed out your heart

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    • I guess she really didn't..

      All those times when she said she did was lies upon lies..

      Falling in love is a difficult thing :( I really hate how I feel now. It's just so difficult to move on. She has been a part of my life for so Long that I even forgot how it was like being alone..

      Everything about her was just amazing..

      Any tips on how to get over this?

    • You know it might take a while for you to come to realization and just think to yourself there is someone out there who will mean it and will give equal affection. Id suggest no contact until you can without giving in and just enjoy your life and try to find what actually makes you happy. If love is what you want don't stop searching for it. Just be aware of all the signs that could be sent.

  • I had an ex boyfriend do the same exact thing to me. He was all gung-ho about marriage, living together, having a family of our own. We had everything planned out and were high school sweethearts of about almost 3 years. She may be hiding her feelings and is actually really torn but thinks it is for the best. Maybe you lead her to believe it was mutual. Something happened to make her feel that way. people do not just randomly take a pit fall out of love, especially being that close for so long

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  • Maybe she feels like she's at her witt's end with you, .. you weren't in that relationship alone. May she tried and tried, and got tired of beating a dead horse.. most women who are in Long term relationships are normally forced out not physically and verbally but emotionally forced to decide between their happiness and the happiness of others but to the And in some regards it cost them their happiness.

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    • This is probably the shittiest response I've seen. He has every reason to be confused. She just told him she wants to start a family with him. How can you go from wanting to start a family with your partner to being emotionally fed up two weeks later?

    • She didn't try at all.

      When I told her that the new guy was the issue, and told her to stop talking to him, she didn't want to stop. She kept on telling me that they are just friends. Nothing more.

      Which Friend does late night Skype? I really did try. I just hoped she put in the same effort I did. All she needed to do was to stop talking to him..

      I always did things her way. She didn't like me talking to a certain person, I would stop talking.
      She wanted to meet her friends instead of meeting me, I would allow her to do that.

      I guess people just change and there's nothing I can do about it but to suck it up and move on.

  • What a horrible person. Does it even matter though? It doesn't change anything.

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    • If she feels something, I would have continued trying to get her back :(

    • It seems to me like you've tried enough.

What Guys Said 3

  • Of course she is hurt. Even if you want to you can't be heartless and a heart feels pain. Don't worry about it to much. I know, easy said right? Well you know the thing about love is that it's a feeling and something that is other than the word "Love". I know it hurts but everything needs time. What way you guys will walk if there is still love you will find each other again. I know you don't feel like it now but the mind is so damn powerful. Everything will be alright, the question is what is the "alright" and when. Keep strong buddy.

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    • But she doesn't show any sign of hurt at all.

      Her eyes are just like a dead goldfish. She shows completely no interest when she talks to me..

      It really hurts, I never imagine it to hurt this bad. It's really surprising how much pain someone can give you. I know time will heal but time crawls way too slowly.. This past few days felt like weeks.

      I know now that I can't have her back. But should I try to stay friends with her? Or completely cut her out of my life?

  • Bro, I'm definitely sure 3 years and 8 months will leave a lasting impression of you on her. Very sure. All you gotta do now, is just carry on with life. Yes you would find yourself stalking her social media profiles or seeing if she is online in whatsapp but NEVER approach her in this period. Maybe just once a fortnight? ONLY to ask how she is doing. She will realise the same thing too, in the sense that you are not reacting (approaching her so much) to her leaving you. That kills girls trust me. Don't be surprised if after that she approaches you. But hey if you discover that she is getting to know some other guy, you would feel better trust me, knowing it is better than having to figure it out. Yes it hurts, but you gotta show that it dont affect you so much and you still have a life. That is an attraction to girls.

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    • Alright bro, I'll try my best not to text her. I know she is seeing another guy... A guy that she likes to Skype in the wee hours.. But she barely knew him for 3 weeks and she chose him instead.

      I don't know man, to me, we were perfect together. We would like think of our future together and never quarrelled as I would always give in to her..

      And just suddenly, she told me that her feelings for me started fading.. When I tried to pick things up again, she looked happy. But when she reach home and Skype call the other guy, everything just goes back to square one again.

      Really sorry for my long rant... I just can't believe that something like that happened.

      I still feel that I am stuck in a nightmare unable to wake up from it.

  • How is your financial status?

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    • I guess if there was anything I didn't try hard enough in this relationship would be to get her gifts and surprise her.

    • Did you read my question? Bc your answer is far different!!

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