What Happened?

This last week was probably the most exciting week of my life. There is this girl that I've known for around five years since sixth/seventh grade. We are really chill and are cool with each other. Last Tuesday I finally admitted, over text, that I had feelings for her. Big surprise, she was shocked. The next day we texted again and she said she was gonna need some time to process. Well later that week on Friday there was an event at school that we were both apart of. A mutual friend of ours was there and I told the friend what was going on and she and I both agreed that I needed to talk to her face to face. After the event was done I got my chance and I snuck over to her in the dressing room. She said to wait outside for her while she grabbed her stuff. I was outside when she came out of the dressing room and we walked over to her car. When we got there I was straight up with her and said, "I really like you and its as simple as that." She didn't say anything so I asked her, "Can I get a response?" She said, "I don't know what to say." I asked her, "If she wanted me to make it simple," and she nodded. After waiting a second I leaned down and kissed her. After about ten seconds I pulled back a little and then she leaned in and kissed me back. This time we were not holding back. After about a couple of minutes, she pulled back and lowered her head. I saw that she was starting to cry and I comforted her. In a little bit she said, "I have to go home," and I gave her a goodnight kiss and she left. The next day was the after party for the event and we both attended. At the party we didn't really act and around midnight we both left. When I got home I texted her and apologized to her saying, "I am sorry if I went to far, but I just needed you to know how I felt." She responded by saying that, "We could be friends and that all." She also said, "I'm not mature enough and I'm too young to take on this and I don't have enough experience." Now I'm wondering what happened. We are the same age and I know that she doesn't have a boyfriend. She knows that I've been with a good amount of girls, but I really like her so I'm not really sure what's going on or what to do...


Most Helpful Girl

  • She sounds like she's scared. It happens. If she hasn't been in a real relationship before or she's insecure or shy, she's probably thinking it's too much too fast, and she might be worried you want to take it further. If she kissed you once, she'd probably kiss you again, and it sounds like she probably likes you (if she didn't, she would have told you outright), but I think the issue is that she's not ready to take things as fast as she thinks that maybe you are. If she knows that you've been with other girls, she might be afraid that she's not as experienced as you are... and she also might not want to run the risk of ruining your friendship.

    My advice, if you really like her, would be to give her some time to process what happened and how she feels, take it really slow, but don't just give up on her. You need to prove to her that you actually like her, instead of just wanting some action, and that you don't want her to do anything she wouldn't be comfortable with. As long as you don't be a jerk and don't pressure her, you totally have a chance. But you should know that it sounds like she's not ready to do much more than kiss, and that's what's making her back away.

    (This happened to me once, and I did the same thing... girls run away because they feel like they're not ready for it, and they're afraid of being pressured. After a few weeks, though, after I had time to get over the shock of it, I started to regret it and rethink if I made the right decision. If, after that kind of time, the guy's still interested and keeps the opportunity open, I think it goes really far. I guess that takes some balls though on the guy's part, since they probably feel rejected. But a lot of girls won't make the first move... or the second, no matter how they feel.)


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What Girls Said 1

  • Has she EVER had a boyfriend? If not, that is probably why. It sounds like she never had a Boyfriend before because.. .she was shocked. And she seems shy. I think you guys should stay friends for a while, it does sound like she likes you back because she did kiss you back. I wouldn't kiss a guy I didn't like. Maybe she is just shy. Get to know her and with time hopefully you will get to the bottom of this.. But don't give up on her.

    • Thanks... To my knowledge she has only had one boyfriend, for like two weeks... I won't give up any time soon...

What Guys Said 1

  • The ladies that already responded are right, and I can't add anything to their answers that would make them any better.

    What I can do is try and fix a very minor problem that I can foresee turning into a very major problem: I know it's easier to talk to girls over text, especially important stuff that would make you nervous to say to a girl's face, but with this girl, the texts need to stop here. I'm not going to bore you with the whole "90% of communication is non-verbal" speech, but I am going to tell you that the other answerers are right: this girl is nervous and scared and the best way you can help her through this is if you are physically there for her. I've had experience with avoidant girls like this too, and texts are much too easy for them to ignore. If you want to open a good, productive line of communication with this girl, it has to be face to face. Now I'm not saying you should never text her, you should text her as much as your heart desires, especially since, if it turns out she is into you, these next few weeks are going to be incredible for you both. All I'm saying is that for the important stuff, the relationship stuff, make sure those conversations are done in person. Even if she initiates it and tries to have serious conversations with you over text, don't let her. Tell her you guys need to wait and talk about this in person. Yes, texting is much easier in the short term, but it can cause huge problems later down the road.

    Good luck!


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