Should I end it?

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We have a great relationship and I love him. Everything is nice and comfortable. Not the passion they show you in movies, but I don't think that exists in real life and realistic love.

The thing is that this is my first serious relationship and my first sexual relationship. Since I am 21, he is 24 and we've been together for 3 years now, you can't help but think about the future. We're thinking about moving in together soon.

I am happy about how we get along and everything is nice, but I've never pictured myself as someone that will only have one serious relationship and only one sexual partner her entire life.

This didn't use to bother me as much before, but now I am living abroad for a few months, away from him, and I get the chance to go to a lot of parties and meet a lot of cool guys, who I like. I don't want to cheat on my boyfriend and hurt him. But I can't help noticing how cute other guys are and I like the attention when flirting with them.

I am worried that maybe, in the future, I will regret not "living my life" some more. I don't feel ready to "settle down". I can't help but feel curious about how it's like with other kinds of guys. My boyfriend is very nice, and I do like him. At the same time, sometimes I feel attracted to other confident guys, I can't help it. I wish I didn't feel this way, but I can't control how I feel.

At the same time, if I break up with him, I'm afraid of making a terrible mistake. We have a great thing going on here, which I know is hard to find. Maybe the whole "partying and living your life" is overrated and a lot of people told me they wish they had a relationship like ours.

Also, if I don't make a decision now, I think the more I wait, the harder it will be to break up, if some day I will realise that this is what I want to do.

I don't really know what to do. What's your opinion? Is a great relationship more important than partying and experiencing? Am I missing out? Or is it just overrated and not worth it?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your situation sounds like mine... about 15 years ago.

    My first girlfriend was in university and we ended up dating for 6. She was above average looking, and our personalities were very compatible. I could have seen myself marrying her. But in the back of my head, I always wondered what it would be like sleeping with other hotter girls, because I had never been with anyone else.

    The curiosity progressed the entire relationship, and although I had never cheated on her, I too considered breaking up with her to "explore". When the relationship finally fell apart, I was free to explore the years of pent up curiosity. I was about 26 at the time, and over the next 5-6 years, I slept with all sorts of hot young girls.

    However, no matter how young and hot they were, the compatibility was never there. Large age gaps (10 years) meant I was working 9-5 in my career while they were studying for 1st year college exams and going clubbing. Some girls had short tempers, poor education, no job, or a dead end job, which were all red flags telling me they were not going to end up as my wife.

    While I satisfied my curiosity with regards to sleeping with other people, what I found was that finding someone compatible to end up marrying is VERY VERY HARD. By the time I was 32, I found myself in various states of singleness, friends with benefits or in a dead end relationship. Many times, I regretted my decision to break up with my first girlfriend - just as you are questioning it.

    It may feel liberating to seek out other people and explore what relationships with others can offer. But I found that it often left me sad and depressed when I could not find someone who was a good match for me.

    However, I ended up finding my match and am now happily married. So in my case, I am glad I got my rocks off and slept with other girls to get it out of my system. But, if I was still single today at 36 years old... I may think differently. I may have wished I never broke up with the first girlfriend.

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    • Thank you a lot. This really helps me. I kind of wanted to fast forward to the future and see the consequences of either choice.

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What Guys Said 2

  • If you want to experience life it's better to break up and explore things. Just don't expect him or hint that he should wait (while you) have fun with strangers. Your relatively young so it's not a big deal but 3 years in a relationship is also a long time. It seems like you'll resent either decision

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  • That is a tough decision but like @meowcow and @tenchu11 you might regret what you do. I had a similar experience I dated my ex for 5 years and we started dating around the same age you and your br started dating except that I was 2 years older than her. I was her first serious relationship as well as her first guy to have sex with, anyways, the first few years were and amazing closer to the last year and a half she started telling me she felt the same way you feel right now she started saying things like "I wonder how it would be to date other guys blablablabla I like the attention I get from other guys, etc" I told her to leave me and go live her life. Because she was just 22. She said no because she didn't want to make a mistake and regret it after. Our relationship wasn't working out because we got comfortable with each other anyway and we were starting to loose interest in each other. Point is that one day she got the courage to end it and move on and explore her life. we ended in good terms and a few months later she went on to dating a guy friend of hers and that was giving her lots of attention while she was with me and 6 months later they broke up. And she is single now enjoying her single life.

    The point is that once you start feeling this way and you start to wonder too much about what it would be like to be with other guys and to be single. That is when you start loosing interest on your boyfriend and he doesn't satisfy you enough or you just need to spice up your relationship more. And it doesn't matter what people tell you it's you the one in the relationship and You're the one who decides. I remember I always wanted to be single and now that I've been single for a year an a half I wish I could have done something for that relationship to work out.

    Exploring is fun for a while hooking up with other people other than your bf/gf and getting attention from sexy guys/girls is a good feeling but there's nothing like having someone there for you anytime you want instead of looking for someone who accepts you the way you are nd for who you are. Sometimes taking risks is good but things do always go the way you want them to go. Remember this saying "you don't know what you have until is gone" good luck!

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    • **things don't always go the way...

    • Thank you very much! This is very very helpful!

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