Can someone terrible change themselves in a few years?

My ex prostituted women, dealt drugs, was an alcoholic, drug addict, etc, but I saw the good in him. He was extremely passionate and i stayed and tried to help him as long as I could. We broke up a year ago and since then he has consistently tried to talk again, telling me he will wait five-ten years for me, because i'm the one.

I will always feel strongly towards him. Is it possible for someone like this to change? He drove my trust to the ground and fucked me up mentally because of what he did, but I'm just wondering if it's every a possibility for him to really change and be a good, driven person? Even if it is in years?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Absolutely people can and do turn their entire lives around. I have myself. but my experience for those of us who have NEEDS to have an entire dramatic crash to even consider looking for a new way. First off the new life is foreign and unknown to us that seems impossible for us to succeed. At least that is the view when we are staring up from the muck. It was far more comfortable living a life of misery because it is familiar.
    Our minds and bodies are totally infused how to cheat steel lie manipulate deceive and hurt others to gain an edge. those traits are common knowledge.
    Being a nice guy wanting to good is not enough. Our lives are derived from so much packed down fears that we fool ourselves that it's not that bad.
    people do not wake up on day and change on their own. So if you are waiting for that forget it.
    it's like overhauling a car engine, but most people attempt to do so with the motor still running, and that is never a pretty result.
    A total life change and mindset and belief system must be obtained for a successful recovery. our Creator must be given all of us the good and the bad and we must surrender all of ourselves to be guided to healthy living and loving as God intended us all to be.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Please, don't wait for him.
    He is a very toxic person in your life, and he needs to go.
    You need to find someone that has a healthier mind and lifestyle.

    Some things I can understand forgiveness for. But prostituting women, dealing drugs, being a drug/alcohol addict? How could you forgive someone for all of that. And isn't that cheating?

    I can't imagine that your self-esteem is all that great, or else you probably wouldn't have been in that relationship.

    I think you should work on your self-esteem and toss him to the curb.

    It is always possible that he could change. But should you waste your time and mental health pining over him? Absolutely not.

    There comes a point where you have to say "I choose me. You are not going to have any control over me, anymore. You are not going to take my heat and stomp on it over and over. I will forgive you, but I will not be with you again. I deserve better than the way you have treated me. I love myself enough to tell you NO. No, do not wait for me, because I am done with this relationship"

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What Guys Said 9

  • It's possible. I did it, and it happened pretty quickly. Or at least the start of it happened quickly. It took several years to fully recover though.

    But just because it's possible doesn't mean it will happen. Promises are meaningless. Change first. Stay changed for a good long time (at least a couple years minimum). Then maybe it's more than promises. Until then, promises don't mean shit. He's gotta prove it. The guy needs to get 100% straight and clean. and stay that way.

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  • While being optimistic about changing is one thing. Actually changing is very difficult and painful. Most people never change and the very few who do need a strong stimuli. If your ex is dependent on his current lifestyle. I'm sorry to say, his chances don't look too good. However if he really wants to leave it all behind. Nice on him. He might really have something to show for in a few years.

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  • Dude is a former junkie and sold prostitutes and "fcked you up mentally" Solid dating choices OP. I'm fcking jacked smart and working on a degree. Why not get with a normal guy like me? I sometimes think that some women do not have any sense of logic what so ever lol. This is like a movie where the girls gets beaten an abused and says but I love him. LOL. Dude probably has a bunch of emotional issues.

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  • The question is rather: should you waste your time and mental health on him anymore? The answer is clearly: no!
    Yeah it's possible but unlikely.

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  • Hell no, a guy like that is not the man for you, he will only do the same thing again, find another guy worth fighting for

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  • People can change, but it takes a very painful lesson or lost for the person to have a true strong motivation/desire to change. It took a very painful lesson for me to want to change into a better person. Though in your case, it might be best to move.

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    • what made u want to change?

  • I guess it's possible

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  • Yup I have especially if its for someone i love but he could just be playing you too?

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  • people never change..

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What Girls Said 6

  • He is trash. Move on.

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  • People can change, but they've got to want to

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  • Find a better guy. What a bad story.

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  • in my experience people can change. it's not a matter of time but more about if they have the will.

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  • It's possible, absolutely. However, something needs to happen for him to self-reflect and change. You can't do that for him. If you don't pay attention to the consistent red flags in the relationship, you're doomed to be stuck in a vicious cycle. I've been there. Don't listen to what he says to you. Instead judge him by his actions. Also, keep yourself a safe distance until you see a commitment to change. Don't run back so easily. I stayed entirely too long with a man that pretended to change to get what he wanted. He never did change, and I couldn't do it for him.

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  • Reading the title, I was going to say yes. Reading further details... no. Dealing drugs, alcoholism, drug addiction, whatever can be overcome. Prostituting women, however, takes a special sort of person and I worry for your safety if you decide to get together with him...

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    • To clarify; alcoholism, drug addiction, those things are you hurting yourself willingly. You consented to the drugs. Dealing drugs is the same, the person you're selling too consented to the drugs.
      Prostituting women is more often than not non-consensual, you know what I mean? This is coming from someone with experience in these areas, also, so it's not like I don't know what I'm talking about

    • you have experience in it? Yeah he paid women saying stuff like 'how bout 375 to fuck both of you' over texts etc, day after i lost it to him, was really touching

    • Yes, I went a little astray in my youth and I know all kinds of people. Never prostituted personally, but I do know a handful of girls who have. And a guy too, lol.
      Yeah... I'd say you can definitely do better!! Ofc if you want to be with him it's your choice but he sounds like a real piece of shit girl.

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