Have I blown it for good?

I haven't seen my boyfriend (now ex) for 3 weeks.
I was feeling insecure about something and instead if reassuring me, he more or less laughed.
He also sent me a message saying he is "fed up" of my behaviour, (I've done nothing wrong) that he doesn't want to be with me and to end it... So I did although it hurt me too much cause of Pride.
we have sent each other messages since mostly abusive on his part telling me to die and F off (this was also before the break)
He sent me messages last week saying I am a disgusting person, and that he would never have a girl like me... Hurtful things.
in the past, we have argued he has blocked me off his phone/Whatapp only to unblock me and start a convo again then working through things.
he hasn't initaated the convo since last week, although responds to my messages etc.
Last night I was I was cleaning when I found a pair of his trousers... It triggered me off and I and went CRAZY.
I called him and he called me back (this has been the first time I called him) his signal went and he phoned back and he went insane saying he has no reason to apoligize, he won't give me any ans and that he will never change. He was also screaming at passer bys to F off and he said he was doing that as I was making him angry by crying.
im a typical woman and felt I deserved an explanation for this treatment.
I've been an amazing girlfriend to him, looked after and supported him emotionally. My aunt died last week, I told him about it and he said he doesn't care or give a shit.
He also told me in the past to set myself on fire and kill myself. Last night all the anger came out of me. The verbal abuse I had off him over the months blew ME up.
today (shamefully) I sent him about 13 messages asking (begging) him to meet up with me as I wanted closure, and I tried to call him x3 times.
he told me to F off etc and blocked me. I know he will unblock me again as my male friend believes this is all a power trip.
i feel so worn out, drained and empty.
My self esteem is at an all time low.
my question is, do you feel I've over reacted? And how do I get over this. Thanks x

Updates:
From a guys honest op. Why would he feel that I don't deserve a chat or explanation for this? He basically started ghosting me and it drove us to this point.
I know I over reacted pushing for an answer and meeting but all I wanted was to move on.
This man has had all my time, attention. I've been honest and loyal. When things like this have happened before, i held it together this time I went berserk.
Regardless of what was said/done is

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Read your question, but read it as though someone else had written it. Don't imagine his face when you read it, just think of some girl on this site asking what to do.

    What would you tell her to do?

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    • I understand what your saying I really do. I've just been completely and utterly shattered/drained.
      Was my reaction normal? I guess I'm asking this as im feeling so bad about myself now.
      Im also afraid that if (when) he comes back I'll agree to meet as part of me wants him to see the pain he's caused me.
      This man is 30 years old by the way.
      If I was reading this as an outsider i would tell the girl he's an emotional abuser

    • If you mean normal in the sense that millions of people are in similar situations, then yes. If you mean normal in the sense of healthy and correct, then no.

      I'd think if you were an outsider, you'd also tell the girl she's got blinders on because of her emotional entanglement and that she'd be happier after dumping him. Maybe not right away, but given time to normalize she'd look back and ask herself why she let herself stay in that toxic relationship so long.

      Seeing him again just complicates things and draws out the healing process, gives him one more opportunity to dig his claws into you. Cut ties, delete his number from your phone, delete him from social media. Closure... root word close: close the door and don't look back.

    • Thanks for taking the time to respond to me.
      I feel so ashamed of myself for stooping down to his level. I said so many things out of anger and guess I was begging to meet up with him to apologize.
      I now realise I have nothing to apologize for and that I shouldnh have begged.
      Before we "split" he was telling me to set myself on fire and jump off the highest building, that im ugly etc. Emotionally blackmailing me, pretending he had moved to Australia and laughing when I was upset about this.
      I had very high self-esteem before this.
      I've actually changed my number completely.
      I'm just ashamed that I resorted to begging to get him to talk to me.
      I really believe that he will be "back" as he knows where I live etc just to try and play with me again.
      I don't understand how some men can be so cruel to woman, but then again I feel at blame too for allowing it.
      Thankyou x

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What Guys Said 2

  • Both you and he overreacted. IMHO it's over and you will be doing yourself a favor to move on.

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    • I agree I blew up. I think it's the fact he was being so cruel, and didn't give me any explanation.
      I keep blaming myself

  • Irish 😀 Accent

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