What else can I do to atone myself?

Weeks ago, i sent many posts about it, but now i hope this is the last one.

3 weeks ago, i got upset that my guy (now my ex) didn't contact me or sent me a little message in the second day, we agreed to call each second day. Then, he called me, i told him that i was just insecure, then he asked me about our relationship, i told him that i was fine even if it wasn't perfect, i asked him also and he told me that he didn't feel secure to give a good relationship, going to the point of telling me that it was better to break up and remain as friends. I called him just when he was leaving work.

I got scared, but i didn't neither encourage the idea nor oppose to it. I asked him if he liked me, that with that it was enough because i like him as well, also that i wanted him to be happy. Then he backed up and we agreed to talk it out in person the next day. At that moment, i went through a depression, a deep one.

The next day, i resolved to ask him if he didn't want just a fling with me. He called me telling me that it was impossible to him to see me, that we could see each other on Friday or the next day. Nevertheless, i decided to solve it by phone, I though at that moment that everything was solved.

However, the next days started to feel not so good: the contact through cell started to wither (even i tried to give him an option to solve our long distance), he cancelled in some way our dates, i congratulated him for his birthday, and he called me, telling both our good and bad things of the week, he was happy at the phone. After that silence. He told me that the next week he was going to work a lot.

On the night of Friday, i decided to call him just to know how he was going. He didn't answer. In the morning (yesterday) i sent him a message, neither he answered. Then in the afternoon after trying to call him again, to which he didn't answer, i give him a final message.
"__, I release you, i accept what you told me. i also don't want to neither makng you suffer nor unhappy. maybe in the future, we can rekindle our friendship."

It hurt me a lot, but now i cannot contact him anymore.

i feel this is my fault, i showed him insecurity just for something so small like not calling me the next second day, although he showed me his frustration of not seeing each other more frequently. i fear that i scarred him, and that i am not a good girlfriend,
that i haven't been a good girlfriend and that i am not emotionally ready to be one.
He hasn't called me Back. I think he won't contact me again. He didn't like me at all and he Just wants to get easy things orden he got from me what he wanted. Well, we didn't have sex, but I allowed him to touch my butt and exciting my v With his leg While we were making out.
He hasn't called me Back. That really breaks my heart. He didn't love me at all and That shows That he is a coward and a selfish jerk. If he wanted to prove it, he did it.
Before the year ended, I had a short release. I got the flu and I got depressed. I wanted to call him as a friend to Know if he Was ok. I tried to call to his house through my house phone, but when his mother answered, I hanged up. Of course, I Was expecting to call someone else Who wasn't him, but I changed my mind at the Last moment.

I haven't done anything like That since That day, but it has been difficult to move on specially because I haven't received a good enclosure.
I meant relapse, and it has been difficult to move on since I got the flu and vacations passed, specially because I haven't had a proper enclosure with him.


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What Guys Said 3

  • I see no need to feel remorseful for your action. You acted properly, at least within the realm of acceptable behaviour of someone in love with a significant order.

    I know this s••t he is doing to you: reverse psychology. Don't fall into that trap. By the looks of things, you are better off picking up yourself, and move on. Trust me. His actions bear the hallmarks of a guy who is out of love.

    • I think That you are right about him That he doesn't love me anymore, he hasn't since I wanted to talk seriously about our relationship issues to distance and management time.

      However, I don't think he wanted to use reverse psychology, I feel it is more probable That he instead of facing me to break up he Just wanted to "dissappear", to run away to make me do the wrapping, the final desicion.

      Even though all this, we didn't consumate our relationship for complete.

    • I've been in your shoes before. It's never easy to let go of someone you love.

  • I know how much it hurts. It was not your fault here. Not at all. You behaved in a mature and acceptable way. It seems like he just fell out of love. But he should have had the courtesy to give you some closure, instead of just disparaging like that. Would it take so much efforts to get back to a depressed, hurt ex girlfriend and comfort her a bit?

    You're right though, he IS a selfish jerk. You'll probably get over this soon. Just be strong. He didn't deserve you, and you deserve better.

  • It's good you are clear headed, and made a clean break. Many people go into denial when a relationship goes sour, so the ending is drawn out and traumatic.

    I think you'll now get over this quickly and be able to look for a new relationship without being obseessive over who was wrong, what you should have done or not done, and so forth..

    Courage and stay calm!

    • Even tough I did a clean break, it has been difficult for me to forget him, specially during the Christmas and New Year vacations.

    • Maybe there's no such thing as a 'proper' closure!!!

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