I like this guy that I really got to know last quarter in my dorm, and he is just... amazing. He told me he liked me, but I wanted to take it slow.
We didn't really talk much over break, and I didn't see him this quarter until I went to a dance several weeks ago. He asked me to dance with him, and I would have, if he wasn't trying to grind on me. Call me crazy, but I consider grinding somewhat intimate, and I'd only do it with a boyfriend... so I didn't dance with him. Now, whenever I see him, he pretends like we're just acquaintances. I get the occasional head nod and hello, but nothing more.
How could I make things go back to the way they were? I really want to be with him on Valentine's Day. heh
Most Helpful Guy
Here's a story:
The much older woman I was dating, let's just say, had a different comfort zone & attachment style. I like to take things slow. Even though I'm usually the one paying, and the one with a busier life, so my time is more valuable; I still want to take things slow. I want to consider the other person I'm getting emotionally involved in. If I was looking to just have sex, I'd go and just have sex, I wouldn't spend a single dollar or minute of my time I didn't have to on "dating" and "getting to know" someone I just want sex with. But when I'm dating someone, I want to know if she's worth my time. I'm putting emotional maturity & understanding on the table, family legacy & wealth on the table, looks & sexual pleasure on the table, earnings potential and financial security on the table, and more importantly; my happiness on the table. I want to know if this long-term ongoing "partnership" (notice: I didn't say "exchange") makes sense. Is it balanced? Is it fair? Is the value of all the things the other person has to add to my life at the very least equal to what I have to add to hers?
This girl started getting touchy-feely way too fast. And I was thinking to myself; "umm? why?" I mean, I know I'm good-looking, but not THAT good looking to cause someone to behave this way out of their own honest sexual urges. This girl was trying to sell herself to try and lay claim over the whole package. But the only sales tool at her disposal was the way she looked and sex. And that's not someone I want next to me as a "partner". When the struggles of life start hitting us, and all she has to offer our partnership are her looks and sex, that means I have to endure and take on the burden of TWO (or more) people all by myself. No thanks.
My comfort zone & boundaries were crossed over. I felt uncomfortable the same way you did. And I pushed the other person away. How did the other person feel? Rejected (and rightfully & logically so). Their actions made a statement "I feel this comfortable with you and want you this much". From that point on, I could have either "accepted" (implying I feel the same way), or "rejected" (implying "I don't feel this comfortable with you, or want you this much"). And the message my actions communicated across to the other person; definitely hurt.
So that's what happens on the OTHER end. People have emotions, they have feelings, and they want to protect the way they feel about themselves (self-preservation). So if you gave him a message that "I don't want you as much or feel as comfortable as you do towards me"; the most NORMAL & NATURAL response from an other human being, is to emotionally detach and avoid further and more serious emotional hurt & pain. That's healthy behavior.
When you try to connect with him, he sees you as an emotional danger trying to enter his life again, so he ignores it and tries to avoid it. (not "you", but the emotional hurt & pain you represent to him)0