My friend is in a bad relationship and she won't listen to me...

so I have a friend who has been seeing this guy for 6 months now...the only problem is this guy has a girlfriend who she is also really good friends with. she is a very self conscious and insecure girl and since this guy is giving her attention she is doing everything and anything for him. she buys him stuff all the time, drives him everywhere, and she gets nothing in return he is just using her like crazy! she also relaly likes him and won't shut up about him, I have tried to be nice and tell her to end things with him because its only going to hurt her but she says she doenst like him like that...(its so obvious she does) now she is starting to get really down lately and get all upset that he doesn't like her and all they do is have sex and it really sickens me...ive been in her place before and I know how bad it is and how hurt she is going to get but she just won't listen and she gets so defensive...HELP ME.

Updates:
im also good friends with the guy...he doesn't know I know though...should I say something to him also?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • There isn't really much you can do for her but listen...she has to learn on her own but she really is going to need a good shoulder to cry on in a few months...

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What Guys Said 6

  • I know I bring up a quite frowned-upon point, but...

    Maybe this bad relationship you're talking about isn't all that bad?

    I mean, sure, she's probably more into him than he is into her, and sure, he's cheating on his girlfriend and it's all awkward and you feel like she's being used. But in realistic terms, unless she's being physically or emotionally abused (and by emotionally abused, I mean severe offenses that are considered crimes which I doubt are the case) it can't be considered a bad relationship. She's probably generally happy from the situation even though she might be emotionally storming about it.

    So yeah, once it's over she might get hurt, but we all get hurt, even after "healthy" and "good" relationships - that's simply how sexual relationships end generally.

    I think you need to let it go and start seeing her point of view, her motivations and not just your own.

    If you want to help her, teach her how to become a more confident and dominant person so that she understands better how to be in a relationship and not settle for a guy who already has a girlfriend - that's what I'd do with friends.

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  • This is unfortunatly quite common.

    Instead of trying to tell her why she's wrong for being with him, try to tell her why she's right for being upset about him, staying positive even about such a negitive thing could do the trick.

    Be with her, but let her do the talking and only express support when she says something negitive about him, if she goes into positives, stay as silent as possible.

    That's really all I can think of, good luck.

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  • I know you don't want your friend to get hurt but I think she needs to be. People learn from experiences like this, if you make them end it before they actually make the decision to they might not learn from it. I hate how insecure people get used in this way but I think all you can do is be there for her when she needs you. You're also going to risk your friendship with her if you keep trying to persuade her to end it, she might end up resenting you. She needs a decent guy who will treat her right, then she will have someone to compare this douchebag with.

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  • the only way is confront her and maybe even be mean to her to make her understand the truth.

    don't give a sh*ttt about that guy, you know why? because he's using her. you might lose his friendship which it's nothing to cry over it. you will be doing her a favour.

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  • i'm afraid you can't hold her hand on this one you just need to be there for when it all goes down , getting involved could ruin your friendship and make her feel even more alone when it happens xx ps your hot haha

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  • Man is a knot into which relationships are tied.

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What Girls Said 11

  • If it were me I would send the OTHER girl an anonymous note telling her some details about her boyfriend. The cheating, possibly days, etc. Then I would act like I had nothing to do with it. I would do it for my friends benefit not for hers though. This guy is having his cake and eating it too. What a jerk.

    A few things could happen:

    1. He dumps your friend.

    2. He dumps the other girl and stays with your friend.

    3. The other girl dumps him.

    Either way the parties can move on and people can have their eyes opened to the situation. It really sucks seeing a friend being used. I wish you girls the best of luck and Happy Valentines Day!

    Bnwsmile

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  • Well, since you have already done all the talking, since she won't listen to you, now its time for you to keep quiet, and just wait and see what happens... and just be there for her. Yah, I know how it feels, it sucks that you know you are right and the other person just won't listen to you, but since she just thinks he is all perfect and stuff, you are just going to have to be there for her, when he breaks up and she's are heartbroken... The Girlfriend should break up with the guy, and your friend should come to her senses and leave him, for being the jerk he is... but I guess, if you really want to try talking to her again.. just go, the guy would leave his girl for you, if he liked you so much, you shouldnt get your heart in it too much... he is just using you, because your weak.. be harsh about it, say the complete truth and try to get her to understand. If she doesn't well too bad. About talking to the guy, I'm not sure about that, you could try, you could tell him what he is doing to the girl, like if he doesn't know or something... you could try advising him... But this could only make the girl hate you, if he just goes up to her, and goes, "your friend just told me to leave you because apparently it seems like I'm using you and you are all hurt:"

    Its tough, but this is common, as a good friend, the main thing is just be there for her if she wants a shoulder, hand, a ear... whatever...

    GOOD LUCK

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  • We as friends can only do so much. Just step away- she will realize it. When she does be there to comfort her ok.

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  • Confront him about it.

    What person "dates" their good friend's boyfriend...that's so messed up.

    U can't really stop her but you can be there for her when she gets hurt.

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  • From personal experience I am telling you to stay out of her business if she hasn't said it to you yet. If she doesn't want to listen to you people got make mistakes to learn right? She is gonna end up getting hurt but at least you tried to bring it to her attention.

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  • Really you just have to let her find out herself because if she is not listing to you she doesn't want help and sometimes the best help is to let them find out on there own. I know its hard but I had to. I mean if she wants to talk I know it gets annoying but just show her your there for her.

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  • you should sit him and your friend and the other girl down one room and say something no matter what happens

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  • TELL DE GUY TO BACK OFF AN GET HIM KILLED BUT MAKE SURE NO1 NOS IT WAS You

    AN THEN MAKE HIM DUMP UR FRIEND

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  • does she know he has a girlfriend?

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    • Shes really good friends with the girlfriend...

    • Wierd. I have no clue. I don't understand why his girlfriend doesn't just dump him since he's cheating on her. : s but oh well

      just be brutally honest with ur friend. 'he doesn' like u, or he'd be with u.' or 'even if he was... he's cheating on his girlfriend with u, what makes you think he wouldn't do the same if you two start dating.' things like that. just keep trying to get the message across. its going to hurt ur friend/might make her mad. but keep trying untill it sinks in.

    • Thats what I've been doing but I guess I just have to keep saying it...thanks.

  • She should brake up with the guy. She shouldn't buy anything for him. He should buy her thing.

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  • i've been in your shoes before and honestly there isn't anything you can do without er hating you in the end. Like in situations like this they can only learn on their own. She'll most likely continue this intill he ends it all and hurts her.

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    • =[ yeahh I know what your saying. I have also been in that situation and I'm trying to warn her and by telling her my experience and what I went through, but honestly I wouldn't listen to any of my friends either...until I got hurt.

    • Yeah...shes prob gonna do the same I guess its just one of those things you have to learn on your own..but all you can do is warm her. But you might not hear from her for a while tho she might get tired of hearing it.

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