My husband and I have been through a lot together. We've only been married about 1 1/2 years. I've hurt him in many ways and ever since then things have never really been the same. I cheated on him before we got married, but didn't tell him until right after we got married. I had become pregnant with our child and didn't know what to do as far as telling him about me cheating. Anyways... he chose to stay with me.
He struggled believing that I was pregnant with his child, even though I knew 100% it was his. We took a paternity test after he was born, and I was right. I figured things would start to get better after that.
I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and I struggle with horrible insecurity and low self esteem. This has taken a tole on my husband and his feelings for me. The pain I caused him before we got married makes me even more insecure about myself and our relationship.
We rarely have sex anymore and divorce has been brought up many times. I'm starting to lose hope that out marriage will make it. I loved him so much and I understand the extent of what I've put him through. Maybe we just can't fix this kind of brokeness.
I've changed so much through all of this and have used this as an opportunity to work on myself. But in the process of that, we've become distant from each other.
I'm so scared that if we divorce, that no man will ever want a relationship with me as a divorced woman with a child. I'm so scared I've dug a hole so deep I will never get out of it. I never wanted things to end this way. I have deep guilt for all I've done. But I have to focus on my son now. I don't know that him being exposed to us fighting I'd healthy for him.
Advice on divorce and life afterwards?
Most Helpful Guy
I dated a girl with BPD. She never took responsibility for anything she did, everything was always my fault. eventually I got tired of it it wasn't like we were a team. she always made me feel like I just got in the way of things she wanted to do. furthermore she used Her borderline personality disorder to justify some of the things she did. for instance she would go shopping and spend $1,000 on stuff that we didn't have money for without telling me or asking me, and then blame it on me because I was not showing her enough attention. I know what people with borderline personality do all too well. if this is the way you treated him I'm pretty sure he is resentful, and to be honest it is probably not able to be fixed. as for you finding someone in the future you really need to work on yourself first, because you will do the same thing to the next guy. and yes finding someone to be with you when you're divorced and have a kid is harder then if you were never married and didn't have any kids. put that on top of your borderline personality disorder and be prepared for a hard time. it's not impossible, I don't want you to feel like there's nothing left, I'm just trying to be honest.1
Most Helpful Girl
You cheated and have a kid at your age. It shows 18-24, so you can still find love. But you have too much baggage, so don't be surprised if it doesn't happen soon.0