My ex-girlfriend will try everything to make sure I stay around, but then gets upset when I don't want keep talking with her. Why?

Before you answer, please understand I know how fucked up the situation is.

It's not fair to me, but I just want to get a second opinion on her actions. We broke up in May. It hurt. It was my fault, and I take responsibility for it. We tried to get it going again, but she told me she thought she was gay. So, for the next four months, she dates women. During all of this, we were mostly still talking, spending the night together, etc. She'd ask me to come over and clean her house, we still told each other we loved each other, etc. It wasn't healthy, but I was just super sad and stuck with it. She had two girlfriends over the summer, and after both ended, she would come back to me and try to get back. I shut her down the first time, and it felt great. But then I fell for her again after that, and it's been downhill since.

Skip to October. We hadn't talked in about three weeks, and I texted her saying I hope she was doing good. She asks me to call her and we end up talking for over an hour. Up until the beginning of this month, she was flirty as hell. She'd always ask me if I was at work, which is code for, "Come over," or, "Call me". I was at work at each time though, so the flirting would continue. I had no reason to believe she was seeing anyone at all. In fact, I was about to ask her if she'd want to meet up before I discovered she'd been dating a guy since the week we talked on the phone. I was devastated and confused. I asked myself why she'd do that to me, but now I know she was using me. So, I went no contact. Or, I tried to. I've told her twice that I need a break from her. She says okay at first, but then gets really upset/sad that I'm not choosing to talk to her. She has a boyfriend, so why does she need me still? Seriously, it's bizarre behavior even for her. She still reads what I write (when none of it is about her), sees my social media posts, etc. and still makes it a point to know she reads them. What is her problem?


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What Girls Said 1

  • You are her safety blanket. You are the convenient person who is always willing to be there for her and give her attention. You are her ego boost. You are the person she keeps on the side as a back up plan or till someone better comes along for the moment. This is a terrible position to be in and the only way to stop it is to end the friendship and move on with your life. This isn't going anywhere. I mean be real for a minute, if she wanted you then she wouldn't have felt the need to date other people let alone another guy. It's one thing to want to explore your sexuality but if she's trying love with someone else then I think that says a lot about her feelings for you. You need to move on. Like right now.

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What Guys Said 2

  • @XRabbitHeartX

    Lol. Personally I don't think it's OP who needs to move on, I think it's her.

    OP has come to a realisation that she's no good for him, that he should cut contact and stay away from her.

    The fact that she's contacting him when she has a date/boyfriend shows that she still has feelings for him and is at 51%+ and hasn't moved on.


    OP, this is on you. Ask yourself what you want - what YOU want. Forget about her and her needs; right now you have to question yourself and your needs.

    P. S "This isn't going anywhere. I mean be real for a minute, if she wanted you then she wouldn't have felt the need to date other people let alone another guy." --- This is pure BS. You're insinuating that she has no feelings for him, yet a person who has zero feelings wouldn't stay in contact or want to stay in contact.


    Remember OP, do what YOU want.

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    • @BruceJender

      You don't get it... she has been dating other people. If she was so into him and had feelings for him, she'd be with him. That's how dating works. If she truly wanted him she wouldn't be dating other people. It's really just the classic case of someone stringing another person along. People like you are just affirming the fantasy that people who have been dumped want to believe which is that they are still desired and wanted by their ex while their ex is happy with someone else and doesn't want to be with them.

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    • "Closure"?

      I recommend you just cut contact completely and move on.

    • I am. I suppose I mean down the road whenever it is she decides to be honest with me and herself.

  • eithers she's out for fairly solid vengence on you, since you hurt her so bad the 1st time back then. ...

    Or...

    She was dating these last few times... after you went cold to her - to Really try to get you back.

    I mean... making a point to let you know that she reads your social media posts etc...

    Either she's still there to hurt you - or she really wants you..

    only you can know the difference.

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    • Nah, it wasn't much of a rough breakup in terms of why it happened. I was just underperforming as a boyfriend and take responsibility for it. She doesn't hate me for that all. She's just an odd person who tries to manipulate me. But, it does show a lot about her that she gets so upset when she doesn't get her way even with a new boyfriend in her life.

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