Not sure where this is going?

So, Hi. I'm Dubhlann. I'm 44 and I've been married for 19 years.

About 4 years ago I was colossally stupid and I had an affair. She found out. Things were horrible for a while and slowly got better. But the last year they've been going down hill, hard and fast. She says that I don't talk to her, but I feel like everytime I say anything it ends up in a huge fight. Everything is always my fault.

We're at the end of our ropes. I'm not sure what to do. I keep thinking back to the Grey's Anatomy episode where Arizona and Callie are in therapy and she tells them to take a break for 30 days. I wonder if that's what we should do.

I apparently don't really have a question, just any helpful or insightful things. I'm trying to make an appointment with our therapist. She was out on maternity leave for a while.

I'm just so tired.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Although your wife was seemingly "able to get over the affair" she never did. The anger , hurt , betrayal and resentment is something that kept chipping away at her daily until she begun to explode.
    Now it seems like everything you do is wrong.
    You can do no right !

    Your wife isn't operating this way for no reason.
    You hurt her.
    Although she acted like everything was okay for a while , it never. She never dealt with her emotions, this shows because it's coming to surface through her actions.

    You have to address this issue.
    Tell her why you had the affair.
    How stupid it was of you.
    And that you'll never do it again.
    Be sincere !
    Show you can be trusted.

    This all will take time.

    Separating yourself for 30 days and not addressing the issue , will allow things to get worse in my opinion.

    You both have to communicate , understand eachothers feelings and go from there.

    This won't be easy.
    But it's a start.


Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • I suspect that the relationship is unlikely to survive much longer. I don't think that your wife is able to overcome your cheating. It would probably be best to let the marriage go. Neither of you is happy.

  • It may be best to end things. You cheated. She no longer trusts you because of it. And I think a lot of love was lost because of that.


What Guys Said 1

  • I suspect that your wife still has major resentment for you having an affair and is simply looking for excuses to vent her anger on you.


Recommended myTakes