If you found out the guy you've been sleeping with for over a year had a girlfriend, would you tell her?

If you found out the guy you've been sleeping with for over a year had a girlfriend, would you tell her?

  • Yes
    Vote A
  • No
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Absolutely! It is a horrible thing to do, but you have to watch out because some guys are like that.

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    • What do you mean some guys are like that?

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    • Oh right ok, I didn't realise...

    • Alll good I feel like they change the formatting so much it's hard to keep track

Most Helpful Girl

  • What feels like the right thing to do, always isn't.
    A - He broke his commitment to her. He should have the decency to let her know about his deception.
    B - The truth about his infidelity coming from another person can easily be flipped.

    He can make you out to be a liar, psychopath, whatever his heart desires.
    If his girlfriend has trust in him, she will never believe you.

    They may even team up against you, calling you foul names.

    Do yourself a favor ,
    Save yourself the drama.
    You don't know how this could turn out.

    The responsibility to tell about his wrong doings , in his relationship, lies on him.
    If he chooses never to come clean then that shows you what type of person he is.

    I truly believe ,
    "What is done in the darkness will come to light ".
    One day she will find out the truth and take things from there.
    People can keep the lies up only for so long , before they start to unravel.

    He's a terrible guy!
    I hope you are not dealing with him anymore.

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    • It doesn't feel like the right thing, they have been together for about 3 years and I have been with him for about half of that! Nothing, feels like the right thing. Not telling her makes it feel like i'm a part of it. Telling her feels like I'm destroying her "perfect relationship" and trust me on the surface they are perfect and their lives together would be perfect if I hadn't been fucking it up literally for the past year...

    • by the way your post really is helping :) If what I wrote sounds like I'm being down on you, it's just because my heart got slightly broken and I feel like I may have a responsibility I wasn't expecting...

    • I get how you feel. Trust me , none of this is your fault because you did not know.
      You wouldn't have done otherwise if you knew the situation.
      I see more negative outcomes than I do positives if you were to come clean about the situation.
      I guess you have to really weigh your options in this case and do what you feel is best.
      I personally would be afraid of things backfiring.
      If you feel you can handle that being a possibly , then you should tell his girlfriend.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • How does it benefit you to tell her?

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    • It doesn't at all, it's just a question of if it is the right thing to do or the wrong thing to do...

    • That is a better question to ask, and to have answered.

      Will she believe you? Will she be in denial? Will she simply take her anger out on you? Will the boyfriend make up some story about a psycho ex surfacing and trying to make up stories to break up his current relationship?

      Consider telling him that you are going to send a letter to his current girlfriend to tell her and that you will include some pictures in the letter as proof. His only remote possibility of avoiding her leaving is for him to confess and beg her forgiveness. You don't need to actually tell her; he will confess because of the perceived threat.

  • Cheating is a horrible thing so yes

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    • Any other advice? I'm living in a haze right now and literally anything would be helpful...

    • Sorry no, I'm on relationship number one right now and its fucking great. Its probable that in twenty years we will be married

    • Well that's what I thought too so be careful ;)

  • Nah people usually shoot the messenger. I would just get the hell out of the situation and move on.

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  • I am the guy in your question, i have a girlfriend (i am bi) and had guys do sexual things with me for years. They didn't/don't feel guilty or wrong, it's all about sex with them.

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    • Sorry, but you aren't the guy in this question. It was about more than sex for everyone involved... Thanks for your help though...

What Girls Said 11

  • Probably Not... She might or Might Not believe you, and this could end up to be more than a Headache than your own Heartache right now here, dear.
    It sounds like He and you were these Friends with benefits and although this may be the case, he was actually Cheating On her, the 'Girlfriend,' And... Cheating You as well.
    Let sleeping dogs lie, silence is golden. Do not fear, dear, one day this dog will get caught and be more than in the dog house by barking up the wrong tree with Any... Thee.
    Good luck. xx

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  • Why would she believe you? she won't lol guys who cheat are manipulative, they know if you tell their girlfriend she will think you are just trying to cause trouble and split them up, so all you can do is let her find out herself and learn from her own mistakes.

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  • Yeah I would. Not to start drama or be a bitch but out of courtesy. If it has been going on a year and she still didn't suspect anything then she'll need a wake up call.

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    • Yea I've been thinking to approach her through her best friend, then I can do it in whatever way she would want...

  • I would confront him, and from then on decide what to do. It's so unfortunate that he's been doing this in general but especially for a year holy shit.

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    • I did he hasn't responded

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    • Well I mean he's a good liar, and it sucks because you wouldn't have known unless you lurked right, we're all curious.

    • Yea I mean it is sooooo twisted how I got to it... His mind is probably blown right about now...

  • Yes, I would. If my boyfriend was sleeping with someone else for a year, I'd want to know. Even if it hurts and sucks. I would at the very least appreciate the girl's honesty.

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  • Id never be in this position because casual sex has never been in my interests.
    But as a long term girlfriend, I promise you that Id want to know so that I could remove myself from the relationship. I think you should tell her, it's the right thing to do.

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  • Not my business...

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  • If I believed we were exclusive yes I'd tell because, well.. spite. but if we were casual neh that's not my responsibility to babysit some other chicks man.

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  • Yes, she deserves to know we've been dating a cheating, liar and that I'm not a home wrecker.

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    • How would you do it?

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    • If you know Facebook, look for her under her sn, provide her with your email and you can put your # so she can call you.

    • Ok :)

  • I would definitely tell. Just because I know how I'd feel if I wasn't told. Putting myself in her shoes, I'd be grateful, so I would just tell her.

    I'm so sorry this happened to you. He's so disgusting carrying it on for that long. And imagine you hadn't found out, he'd still be doing it. Nasty piece of work he is.

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    • How would you do it?

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    • Well, he'll probably come up with a bunch of reasons about why ir isn't his fault, how he doesn't want you to leave and his relationship was an unhappy one or some bs. They usually do.
      And the Miami trip is perfect! Haha, it's so good you said yes. Doing things like that will really help take your mind off him. Like i understand why you wanted to stay home, but really getting out and doing things does help because it's just a distraction. And i know i don't know you, but I'm actually really proud that you know you come first and don't need that in your life. So many people blame themselves and would do anything to work it out and work hard to keep the guy after. He's already proved he's not worth that and you can see that, it's really good.

    • Honestly I stayed home for that exact reason, since it's the holidays starting tomorrow, it is really slow at work and I needed to keep myself physically moving. Everything in my house is cleaned & organized & packed & ready to go. I just keep checking back on my computer for work stuff and to see if there is any new pearls of wisdom here every once in a while... Yea I'm soooo lucky I said yes to that Miami trip... and to think less than 24 hours ago I thought today I was going to have to be like I hope you don't mind but I kinda already said yes... :/ and now I'm getting ready to be like sooooooo would you like to explain this to me?

  • This scenario happened to me. I started having a guy feeling the guy I was seeing was cheating on me, but it turned he had a girlfriend and was cheating on her with me. I just cut all ties with him. Telling her would have only complicated things , and she'd probably have believed him over me. Like they say, " the messenger is always shot". I was hurt enough without putting myself in a position to prolong the hurt.

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