This is gonna be long, I'm sorry. But I need to vent.
I'm 22, my boyfriend is 29. We've been together for almost a year. He's a combat veteran and served for 5 years in the Army. He got blown up by an ied so long story short, he was pretty messed up for a while and was in a rehab center. He also suffered (& continues to suffer from) severe PTSD and had years of therapy. He was/is prone to violent outbursts and that's what the therapy helped with.
Let me start by saying that I am completely in love with this guy. I would do anything for him. He has such a good heart and is truly an amazing person. I know he loves me, he's told me countless times that Im his everything and he doesn't ever want to be without me, etc. (Typical corny stuff lol) We have plans for our future, etc and can both see this going long term.
Only issue is... it's turned somewhat toxic. His PTSD causes him to have very severe and negative reactions to ANY kind of stress. He expects me to be extremely submissive to him (which is fine to a point because I tend to be on the sub side of things anyway, at least sexually.) But I'm not "allowed" to question him on anything or "talk back to him" as he calls it because it stresses him out and when he gets stressed, he's reeeally nasty. He'll threaten to break up with me, say hurtful things, say he doesn't care about me, etc. He's called me a c*nt, b*tch, wh*re, etc. He blames me for anything that goes wrong in his life even though all I try to do is help. I'm not perfect, I've screwed up plenty of times but he never lets shit go. He holds things over my head from months ago even after he says we're past it. He acts so suspicious of me, like I'm always plotting against him or something. (He also put his hands on me once, during a really bad fight when we were both drunk. Grabbed me by the neck/hair/etc.) I'd do anything to fix this but it's like he's fighting me on it.
Is this even worth saving at this point? How can I even deal with this anymore?
Most Helpful Guy
I have PTSD and yeah my ex hated it also but we didn't break up because of it , she told me she was able to handle it because every time I had a PTSD outbreak she wouldn't see me she saw a veteran , and she can't hate a veteran that gave up his own mind for the country. I told my ex the entire time we was with each other that s part of me will always be a soldier , and she respected and loved me for becoming one she wouldn't leave because of it. We broke up for other things but the respect and love made her strong throughout my outbreaks2
Most Helpful Girl
Although I emphasize with your boyfriend's condition , it does not give him the right to verbally abuse you.
You are doing away with your rights as a human being to cope with his mental instability because it normalizes his life.
When he lashes out at you, and you do not respond. This makes everything ok in his mind.
This shows that he can do it again.
I don't think that's okay.
You both need to have a serious talk and speak about enrolling in therapy together but as a couple.
Speak calmly , and let him know how this affects you.
Hold him, yell him you love him but you want the best for the both of you as a couple.
I know he doesn't want to treat you like this , but he must get more help before he ruins this relationship.
A person can only take so much before they crack.1