How to get over someone while still being friends?

I recently ended a friends with benefits because I fell really hard for him and he wasn't looking for anything serious. We have been friends for 5 years and he still wants me to be his friend and I couldn't imagine not having him in my life. But it is so hard dealing with ending our friends with benefits and still talking to him like everything is fine, because although everything may be fine for him, for me I feel torn. I am supposed to go to a bunch of shows to support a band he is in and I am friends with the other band members too. I really don't want to go because I know I am going to see him with other women and I am not over him yet. How do you maintain contact with someone you are trying to get over? Is it even possible? friends with benefits is stupid :(
Anyone have a similar experience? Getting over someone while still being friends with them?
I decided to limit contact as much as possible. I haven't deleted him off Facebook, but I deleted Facebook off my phone and deleted him off of snapchat and Instagram. He tried texting me today because he probably noticed but I just tried to keep the convo friendly. I don't think I'll be going to any of his shows for at least a couple weeks. Thanks for all your opinions.


Most Helpful Guy

  • 1. Yes, friends with benefits is stupid. Often, one person enters the relationship hoping for more to develop, hoping that the other person doesn't mean it when they say they only want sex. Sometimes, these feelings develop once the relationship has begun. friends with benefits is founded upon a blatant denial of the reality of human emotions.

    2. It is unrealistic to expect you to be friends with this guy when you long for more. He is being selfish and your efforts to satisfy his are just self-imposed torture. It doesn't matter that you were friends for 5 years because you were lovers. It is extremely rare for two people to be able to go backwards in a relationship.

    3. Learn your lessons from this experience. Be honest with yourself about what you seek in a relationship and don't compromise and settle for anyone who offers you less than what you want. Protect yourself from unnecessary emotional hurt!

    Good luck.


Most Helpful Girl

  • To be honest, I would tell him how you are feeling. If he is truly your friend, he will understand.

    It might be best to take some time away from him to heal and move on. There is nothing unreasonable about not being ready yet to see him with other women. That would be hard for anyone to take.

    As much as you want to be there to support your friends. You also have to take care of yourself.


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What Guys Said 4

  • friends with benefits it's a complicated relationship always ends with disappointment, but in the other side you don't want to lose your best friend and you think that he owe you ( like show some emotional care or feel guilt or apology... etc).

    you need to know that the problem in that kinda relationship is love always grow from one side... that's why disappointment come later, cuz emotional love is stronger than physical love... and in the end of the relationship you won't get anything except pain.

    to get over him you've to know his existence in your life is temporary, cuz now... you owes yourself a lot. so If you directed 80% of your time to focus on the same problem, and 20% to solve it, what do you think the result will be?
    you've to accept change and know that life is not always happy or miserable.
    be strong to live your life and stronger abandon people or things that will badly affecting you in the future. don't be hard and forgive yourself... cuz forgiveness is the primary keys to happiness.

    Good luck...

  • You love him. You cannot switch off your feelings for him like a switch light. Tell him how you feel, and see what he says.

    You may also be conflating your feelings for him and jealousy. Jealousy is a potent feeling, capable of disguising hurtful emotions as love.

    Another option is for you to live your job. I know it's a drastic option but it's one that has significant benefits if you love him, and he doesn't want to reciprocate in the same measure.

  • It's best to end the friendship
    It will only hurt u

  • For you, nearly impossible to maintain a friendship while getting over him. Just tell him that you need some time away.


What Girls Said 2

  • No, not 'Stupid' in the least here, dear. You Tried it with a Friend that you thought may be More in Store at the end and you found Out... He wasn't looking for anything serious.
    I am not going to sugar coat this. You cannot ever possibly move on and concentrate on you or just another relationship as long as you feel the way you do inside your heart, although apart, by getting mixed up in his own lifestyle. It's going to be hard to see him mixing and mingling, and cause even more Drama Queen redrick in your Now 'His friend' relationship.
    Perhaps it might be best from the rest to do as your head is telling you to do and don't let this rule your heart that is at Stake... It could very well end up a big Mistake.
    Stay away and begin the new year off right by Focusing on your own life that is now full of strife, and when you feel safe for you to see 'The other band members,' then go back when maybe he isn't around town.
    You need to heal, you need to find comfort in something else that doesn't Involve... The past that ended up less than a blast.
    This little lesson in life taught you a hard lesson but next time I know you will know better.
    Good luck. xx

    • thank you for the upvote, sweetie, and if you do decide to tell him, it won't change much but Proving to him you can be a friend till the end is okay if you can handle it. xx

  • I could never be friends with them if im trying to move on, its best to cut ties completely.. Or they just drain my energy


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