I feel left alone?

During the four or so months of last semester in college, I started talking to a girl. This was a big thing for me because it was the first time I really came out of my shell. For the first month or so, we just talked about school stuff then I got the courage to get her number. We began texting each other every other day...it got to the point where we were teasing each other, joking around and I asked her for coffee and she was happy to go with me. A few weeks after that I asked her to attend a sporting event with me (just the two of us) and she agreed for that also. By this time, it was near the end of the semester, so on the last day of exams she invited me to sit with her and keep her company for the three hours between exams. I asked her to go see a movie with me over break and I named a specific day.

Well, she called the day before and told me she couldn't go. I was bummed but I didn't let it bother me. We texted a few more times over break and a couple weeks later I asked her to go do another activity with me. She took a few days to get back to me but when she did, she asked me when I wanted to go. At this point, I was really happy (inwardly, of course) because for some reason I didn't think she'd go. Well, I was right. Because for every day I offered her, she was always busy...so I caught onto the idea that she was letting me down gently. I told her when she wanted to hang out to call me. Needless to say, I haven't heard from her again.

School started and I know she's taking this semester off so I don't see her there. I don't talk to anyone in class anymore; I sit by myself like I always did before meeting her. I think about her a lot. She's beautiful and I miss talking to her. I've gotten over her, though, in terms of emotions because I don't know if I'd go out with her again because of all the false hope she gave me before. She's out of the country this month, I know that because she told me a while ago, so I still think about her. I'm sure she never thinks about me and doesn't care about whatever thing we had going.

I'm focusing on my career now; I believe that I"m emerging as a stronger person. At the same time, I wonder if she'll ever talk to me again. I think it's the fact I miss her and she doesn't miss me that bothers me. Does anyone know how to get completely over this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Look on the bright side, man, you came out of your shell. Have you noticed that when a baby first starts walking it only manages to take a few steps before it falls? You've just gotta' keep trying until you learn to walk consistently, and if it takes a couple of failures before you achieve success. And no joke, I was in EXACTLY the same situation you were in a couple semesters ago. It hurts for a while, but the best thing to do is analyze what you could have done incorrectly (maybe you took too long to make a move, you came off as too needy, etc) and do your best to move on. I figured out my issue and soon after I met someone even more special because my feelings were reciprocated with her.

    Don't let one bad experience push you back in your shell. Keep your focus on your work, but don't let it take over your life as an escape. Life's a journey and no one gets everything on the first try. Keep your head up, stay social, and don't stop looking for that special someone. Because no matter how many times you get rejected, when you finally find someone who feels the same way about you that you do about them, it makes all that pain worth it.

    Good luck.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Cont. focusing on your career, life goes on seriously just because one female didn't show much interest in you dosn't mean that you have to give yourself such a hard time about it I mean after all you did all you could do by invting her out. If she really does care about you she will contact you in any way.


What Guys Said 1

  • Time. There's no magic cure for loneliness and the grief of loss and this is a loss, many people are convinced that it isn't but before girlfriend they are friends and it's hard losing your friends especially when you have few.

    You can't avoid this though, so accept it, and by accept it I mean embrace your emotions and the difficulties and allow yourself to work through them. You miss her. Write her a letter you will never send and get the emotions out so that you can read and ready yourself for tomorrow without her.

    Don't do the "career focus!" thing where you try to replace your void with work. It does not work. Yes, focus on building a career but don't let your job be a pacifier for your problems, it does not make you a stronger person. Grief and loss are part of life and you need to face them head on as they are. Distractions don't cure diseases just like Tylenol doesn't cure the Flu. Time will though, time, diligence, and honesty to self.


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