Why do we feel obligated to stay with someone?

Most people don't want to give up on their relationships, especially if you love your partner. But I can't stop thinking about the issues we have and I know our long term outlook isn't realistic, we have different goals. So, how do I cut ties now? I feel obligated to stay with her and feel like if I decide to leave, I'm abandoning her. Even though I think we both know our plans aren't alike. I get anxiety about it from just typing this out. Lol, ridiculous.

She is financially dependent on me, she's in school full-time and works part time.

We've lived together for a year, our lease is about up and we'll need to resign.

FML. I love her, but I want to get my life in order and plan my future. I don't want to be an ass about it or leave her struggling.

Sincerely,
1dumbguy


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Those are wrong reasons to stay in a relationship that's making you unhappy. In a way you have to be really selfish in breakups and decide what the best thing to do is and do it. It is kinder to break up with her now than lead her on if you don't plan a future with her. I think you need to be true to yourself and do it asap, I think maybe you are scared of her reaction?

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    • It's not that I wouldn't stay with her, it's that I feel she doesn't see us together long term. And I'm not so much worried about her reaction, as I am worried about her well being. I know she'll be okay, but I've always worried about someone that I break up with. Anyways, I do appreciate your response.

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    • Yeah, it's really just financially. I'm sure she would figure a way out and make due. I keep looking for a reason to be mad, something to make the split a little easier. We'll see what happens, I'm about exhausted from worrying about it and ready to move on. Thanks for the insight.

    • If I was her id want you to tell me what you are feeling. I'd hate to think someone felt that way with me and couldn't tell me. Good luck I hope it works out ok

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • The thing is you can't be her "hero" you can't sacrifice your life for someone else, you have your life to live and thats just that. The next guy she gets with she will be the same, dependent on him, so if its not you its the next guy. Don't feel dumb that you have feelings but you also can't sacrifice your happiness for someone else.

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    • That's about where I'm at. I don't mind some sacrifices, but I also feel like I am the only one sacrificing anything in this relationship. I want to be mad about it all, but I also know I'm the reason this is still happening. Thanks for the advice.

  • Give her $15 & a bus pass out of here.

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  • No offense but not everyone feels obligated to stay with someone like you do

    That's because you feel obligated to stay

    I love myself enough to walk away from a unhealthy relationship

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What Guys Said 3

  • The the way I look at it is this... Inhouse pussy ain't cheap... You're going to be spending money for it anyways, may as well be with someone you like.
    On the other hand... If you want a meaningful relationship in which you both are making plans to spend your lives together, then it sounds to me like the one your with may not be for you if you both cannot incorporate your plans to be together.
    First off, I would suggest having a serious heart to heart with her pertaining to future goals... If her intent is to go in a separate direction then yes, you are wasting your time and should move on to find someone better suited to incorporate into your life.
    I understand you love her, but if you cannot or are not orientated and having a future together then what is the point?
    Is this said... If you do not have a future together you do not have any obligation to her... You would basically be hiring her as a prostitute knowing that you have no future together.

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    • Okay. I get what you are saying. I just need to clear my mind and realize that if she doesn't want something longterm, I don't need to feel obligated to stay. Now, this would all be easier if she would just puss me off. Thanks for the help.

    • Your welcome... Good luck!

  • She might be a nice woman but there is no point in being with her if you are not happy, then you should leave yes.

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  • man i see it like this, if your not happy then its just not meant to be and you both should go your separate ways.

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