Has he cheated? What should I do?

So me and my boyfriend started dating in July. In November I started feeling that something was off, and went to check his phone (yes I know it’s wrong). And found out several WhatsApp conversations with several girls. One of those conversations (the worst of all of them) he was calling the girl to come to his place, saying I was travelling and we had a fight.
But i was at home, we were fine and happy (or at least i thought so...). We had a huge fight after that. He said it didn't mean anything. He said that for him it was just a 'game' and it was meaningless. He said he never cheated on any of his previous girlfriends, and hasn't cheated on me. That he would never do anything like that again, and would earn my trust back. So, I gave him a second chance. Because I love him. Couple of days ago my friend told me that in October (when I was in fact travelling, because I had tickets to Europe with a friend (girl) of mine -- which I had bought waaaayy before we started going out), an ex-work friend of ours (that is 40+, single and is -sorry about the term- a male bitch, always partying with many many sluts) gave a party, from 3 pm to 01 am. (It was a sunset party).
The party was one day before of my departure back home from a 15 day trip to Europe. My boyfriend had a friend’s wedding that same day.
So… My friend found out that my boyfriend AFTER the wedding went to that so-called party.
It was the opening of this ex-work friend new Beer he was brewing with friends. In which he invited several sub-“actress/models”, that in my country are deep down sluts, and all his male-friends. (PS: my boyfriend is not his friend/best friend or anything like that… they just know each other from work).
No girlfriends, no wifes invited, of course. My boyfriend never mentioned this party to me.
I texted him that day midnight, to let him know that I was already at the airport, and he didn’t answer his phone. I called him at 1 am, and he didn’t answer his phone. I called him again 2 am, to ask if I should by something at the wine shop, and he didn’t answer his phone. I thought, at the time, that we has already asleep.
The next day he only “visualized” the texts at 11 am.
So, what happened? Has he cheated? Will I ever know? Should I give him another chance? Did you guys think he did something wrong? Should I break up?
Please be gentle with me, because I’m really hurting right now…:(
Sorry for the long story.

Updates:
So some updates…
Yesterday I said to him that I need to talk and he came over my house. I was direct to the point and said: I heard that you went to that party and asked why he hasn`t said anything about it at the time (since we were actually texting atm he went). He said that he did go and didn’t told me because he didn’t want to fight, because I wouldn’t let him go and he really wanted to go, and he also said that ‘I don’t like his friends’.
That really stung… back then if he said he was going to the moon with 1000 girls either (i) I would let him go, trusting him completely or (ii) would ask to join… And I absolutely love his friends. I’ve travelled for 2 weeks with them in November and spend 6 days (+new year) with them… that’s not something you do with people you do not like.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Maybe you should separate for a while and see if he proves he cares about you enough to go after you. Wondering eyes this early on in a relationship are red flags. If you do engage with him further to where the future of you two is headed. I suggest counseling because he needs to get a grip on his cheating and hopefully it will strengthen the relations. Through transparency, honesty is he even remorseful? Or just sorry he got caught?

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    • Thank you so much. You helped me a lot. I am going to talk to him tonight.

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    • We then stayed in silence for a while, and he broke the ice saying ‘we should broke up. Honestly? All the cells in my body started screaming NO NO NO, CHASE ME, LOVE ME, LIE TO ME. But I stood quiet and said ‘I agree’. Then after a while I said that I wanted him to be happy, to be open about how he feels in future relationships, to not give up on love, to keep trying, to do not lie to his next special person, to be true… and that I would also try to make myself a better person… he then hugged me and said that I was perfect and there was nothing that I needed to change.
      Then I broke down in tears saying that if were perfect we would be together because we were great together. He said that we were, but it didn’t work out.
      So he drove me home, and when he parked he said ‘think that its going to be better this way…. I laughed, and said ‘I know’. i cryed all night...
      im in a very very very bad place right now... we work together, so just thinking about him makes my heart sting...

    • I think it's for the best. I would read up on the 180s they are rules to follow during break ups/ divorce. Shows you how to move on or make the other person realize what they've missed. Seriously the fact that he took it very nonchalant meant he was probably looking to exit the relationship that's why he didn't really fight you on the breakup. Or tried and work it out

Most Helpful Girl

  • just a 'game' Thats the dumbest thing I've ever said, no one goes out of their way to flirt with numerous amount of girls and tells them to come over as some sort of game. You already don't trust him, you want to but it'll never be really there. You should ask him why he hadn't replied and if he went out after the wedding, just ask him straight up, you may not have been there but your mates tell you everything so I would go on their word. You know him better than anyone else on this site, just ask him and honestly though I wouldn't give him another chance, he just sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too, even if he never physically cheated, he's thinking about it

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • I can understand your situation, it's really sad that this is happening to you. Well, I would say that this guy has a wandering eye and that is not a good thing at all. After reading your post, I am not really sure if he has cheated on you but I think he may have done something wrong, yes there is a chance otherwise I don't see a reason as to why someone won't respond to your texts for hours and only sees in the morning, so surely something has happened there and plus him not mentioning the party to you is also a sign that he wanted to keep that as a secret.

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  • What you need to realise is that most men will do these things, men are forced to hide and lie about their actions because society and women won't let us behave naturaly as we should without breakups, fights and abuse. The best thing woman could ever do to make her life pure and worry free in a relationship is to allow her man the freedom he is entitled to, aslong as in return he gives the woman complete honesty which she is entitled to.

    A concept pushed so far out by women's magazines and religion that the idea of such a simple solution almost seems ridiculous.

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  • Some of the story doesn't make sense.. beer and brewing, actress/models, whatever. Maybe he didn't cheat but he definitely broke your trust. I would say break up.

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    • I guess i didn`t express my self properly... i'm sorry but English is not my first language.

      This guy (ex-work friend) had a party on a house he rented (with pool and a nice view, thus the sunset theme) to celebrate his new bussiness and to do some marketing on it. He created with some friends a new beer (like a small entrepreneur?), and did a party with a couple of friends/invited people only.

      And invited some modelos/actress (not famous or anything like it, just pretty girls that call themselves models)

  • I think he likes getting inside their heads and fucking with them. I kinda understand the impulse. Sometimes it's fun to play mindgames.

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  • Yes obviously.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Leave my dear that's it. He does not see you as his girlfriend or someone special in his heart. Your his backup period. Relationship are built on trust and honest, my goodness he has the balls to lie to you that he's not cheating when he did (and you believed him). Talking to many girls sexually and telling them to come over that's cheating. He has no regards to your feelings, no respect as his love one. Move on, your worth so much more than what he is offering you. He an addict for girl sexually (that's how my sister boyfriend was). If he love you he would have call you to see if you landed safely on your trip. Life is more than just one donkey arse (ass). You will find someone else that will love you and only you. This little bump on the road is nothing, just leap over to a better stage of your life. Love is honest, it dies not lies, love worry for the one they loved. This world is huge you can find him it just take time. You have so much to offer don't settle for what's on your plate already. Throw away the balls on the plate and get a steak. There will be someone who will love you, be patient.

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  • Personally, I believe that once the trust goes within a relationship you can never get the same level of trust back with the same person.

    Cheating isn't the issue here, being able to trust him is. It's hard to determine if he's cheated , but once you start to ask if you can trust someone... it's then that you know you already don't

    If someone breaks my faith and trust I wouldn't trust them a second time , after they've already given me one good reason not to trust them, but that's just the way I am

    You have two choices, trust him and give him a second chance, or walk away and give yourself a better chance of finding a guy who won't waste your faith and trust.

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    • I am going to talk to him today and see how he acts. Either way i guess separating, even for a while, seems like a good idea. I need time to think and breath.

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    • Yes I've just read your update! Thanks! DoD you ask him why he assumed you didn't like his friends?

      I do believe that some people do lie in relationships for the simple fact they assume it'll be an easier life for them Their intention wasn't necessarily meant to hurt you or deceive you. Especially if they've hurt you in the past because they'll know exactly what conclusion you'll come to. So maybe he is telling the truth.😊

      If you really care about him and want to be with him then you'll have to let go of the past hurt he caused you. Letting go means you can never ever judge him by his past mistake again. You'd have to trust him. If you can't then neither of you will be happy in the relationship. I hope you can find a resolution 😊💗

  • Whether he actually physically cheated on you or not nobody knows, but clearly there are big red flags that suggest he's on the lookout to cheat and that you can't trust him. He sounds like he still wants to sow some wild oats to me sorry to say. He's not ready to be in a commited trusting relationship

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