Should I just let go of 6 years?

Okay, so my ex boyfriend and I had been dating for 6 and a half years.We were best friends since we were 12 and started "dating" when I was 14. But we were/are so in love and have never been with anyone else. We got along very well and had a ton of fun together for the first 6 years. But the past 6 months things started to go down hill. We started arguing a lot more over the dumbest things and found that we would just sit around the house as opposed to going out. He's the very jealous type, and I crave attention. I tend to have a lot of guys hitting on me because I am so outgoing but would never flirt back and risk losing what I had with my boyfriend. But, this would happen and cause huge fights because I felt like he didn't trust me. He said that I was taking advantage of him and not appreciating all that he does for me. Which,ill admit, he was the perfect idea of a boyfriend and I probably did expect to much. I realized this after we broke up.I wish I would have sooner. We broke up about a month ago and a week of him seeming completely distant which was odd for him. We usually saw each other everyday, but this week was different.( btw cheating is out of the question, he would never do that. and he was with his family all this week. so please don't even consider anything about either of us cheating :) ) Well at the end of that week I asked him to come over so we could talk about why everything seemed to be so different. When he came over he said he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me. So I ended it. I didn't want to be with someone who was unsure of spending their time with me. ( a week before this happened he was looking at engagement rings and talking about marriage.could he have gotten cold feet? or nervous about me being the only person he would be with for his entire life?) We didn't see each other for about a week which was about the longest we had spent apart, aside from vacations since we started our friendship. We texted every now and then but nothing more. It was so hard on me and he seemed to be fine with it. He told me that he didn't want to talk anymore or hang out. He said that he was no longer in love with me and did not want to be friends. We didn't talk for about 3 weeks. and then he called to hang out. Of course, I said yes. And we went out and had a talk about everything that had been going on between us. He said that he was sorry but he just needed his space.And that this time helped us learn a lot about each other and ourselves (Which was very true) But now we've been hanging out and acting like boyfriend and girlfriend just without the commitment. he says that he still needs his space and time to get his money and job in order and learn more about me before we get back into a relationship of arguing. is that just an excuse to have my comfort and his male freedom? if he really wanted to be with me, wouldn't he be. I don't want to give him everything I did before and lack that commitment from him.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Long story short, he still has feelings for you of course. 6 years is a lot of time to just let go of. A man likes to be shown affection and that he is appreciated. Since he is the jealous type, you should play on that by assuring him that even though guys do hit on you, you want him and nobody else. He may look fine on the outside (that's his bruised ego hiding behind a veil of a non-chalant attitude) but he is thinking about it on the inside, a lot. He wants to be with you but wants to know if you want to be with him, sometimes even the guy needs to be romanced, if you know what I mean. Happy trails!

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What Guys Said 5

  • My girlfriend in high school and I dated for 4 years, then she broke up with me when she graduated for no good reason. Just all the life stress about moving out, picking a college, etc. and having a boyfriend that knew he wanted to marry her was just too much. We were apart almost two years without much real contact. She dated a few others in that time, then she decided I was what she wanted. We hung out a bit, started dating again, then got married a year later.

    Will you two get back together? No way to be sure, but I know NOW I'm glad my girl took the time to figure out what she wanted rather than just settling with me and wondering if she had made the right choice. Give him his space. Be understanding and forgiving. But don't be afraid to go keep living your life.

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    • I have to say it. Id never marry a girl that would leave me and then go for a ride with other males then realize I'm the one for her... bad idea man

    • Been married 10 years now. No regrets. Guess it depends on the people in the situation and the timing.

    • I guess I should have said that even through all that, we both waited until marriage for sex. That probably makes it easier to get back together.

  • I would argue that you need to go for what you want, your happiness. It's obvious that he still has feelings for you, but are these feelings love or just emotional strings which he could not sever?

    I'm the kind and type of person that when I see something I want, I stop at nothing to get there. Ask my wife. I would have jumped through flaming hoops to marry her and in many ways did. You do what you have to in order to be with the right person, regardless of job, money, etc.

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  • Of course he loves you. As a male, I can tell you that any person we know for a long time will always have our unyielding loyalty and love, even though we will never admit the latter. We are kind of like dogs. We may be confused and stupid, but we still love you.

    DO NOT sleep with any other men while you are apart. That is not a good idea in my opinion.

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    • Thanks for the advice :) I know he loves me as much as I love him. I'm just getting impatient waiting for him to come back around and wondering why he "cant get his life together" while I'm in the picture.idk he still tells me he loves and that he doesn't want anyone else.but should I pull back alittle more to make him want to get together sooner. I just feel that if I'm giving him everything he needs without having to make that commitment why would he?

    • I agree with you. If you keep him guessing a bit as to what you are doing, then he will probably get curious.

  • I think you should give some time maybe 30 days and then talk about it.

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  • are you sure you know what love is? pureloveclub.com

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What Girls Said 5

  • he might think you were with another guy or something but he won't admitt it because its to shameul to him or smething... he might know for sure that you were not with another guy or cheated on him but he could still feel insecure about it and that's why he doesn't want to rush into the reltionship

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  • It sounds to me like he's feeling a little insecure right now. Time and patience might go a long way. Just give him his space and settle for being his friend right now. The fact that he still wants to see you is a good sign. Don't rush him because this may turn out to be a good thing for you as well. Like one of the other posters said: don't sleep with anyone else. Don't go out looking for anyone else, either. There seems to be a lot of potential if you're willing to accept his "mid-life crisis". :D

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  • You are going through the EXACT same thing that my ex and I are going through. We met my first day of highschool back in 02, and were best friends ever since then. We didn't start dating until 08 though. Everything you just said about the break up and how one day he loves you the next he doesn't even want to be your friend, well I thought I was reading my own story. lol. Honestly, he is scared. He is torn, he wants to be with you, but he also wants his freedom. You can only take to much of this before you need to try to move on. My ex and I split in november, and in Jan I decided I wasn't going to wait around for him to decide whether or not he loves me, so I started dating other guys (not sleeping with anyone though), but I still hung out with him from time to time. Stop making yourself so available. If he wants to hang out with you one night say, "Sorry I have plans." Leave it at that...even if your plans are to sit at home and do nothing. DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM! I don't know if you have sex with him or not, but trust me when I say if you do, do not do that now, its only going to confuse you more and make things harder in the long run. I learned that the hard way. Once my ex found out that I was dating other people he wanted to try to work things out. He is not ready for a serious relationship like we used to be in, but we are working on things and getting back to that point. I stopped dating other people, and he agreed not to see other people. There is so much more I could say about this, cause like I said I'm there, and I went through the same stuff. I don't know if you can message people on here, but if you can and you would like to talk feel free to send me a message. Good luck with everything.

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  • I honeslty think that you and him should take things one step at a time and if he wants to be with you then he will tell you but if he doesn't then you just have to face it that he doesn't want to be with you for whatever reason. I know that it is hard getting over a long relationship but if he wants to not continue what you have going then I think that you should accept that and if you can't I understand. But if he does then I hope you the best of luck and that you two will stay together for a long time!

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    • Thanks :) yeah he tells me everyday he wants to be with me. he just says he still needs his space..so I don't know what to think.he said that he wants this to help us become stronger together. so I don't think he wants to leave. I just want to become official again so I can have that commitment.im probably being selfish!

  • there doesn't seem like anything much you can do but wait for him to want a commitment again that is if you want a commitment, this question REALLY caught my eye because I have a boyfriend and we were best friends and met each other when we both were 11 and have been best friends ever since and every one told me that he liked me and as soon as I started developing feelings for him I told him and we started going out when we were 13 and now I'm 14 and we are in love, I love him more than anything I thought that was a weird coincidence, but I guess there's nothing else you can do but wait, I hope this helped

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    • Thank you :) and goodluck with you and your boyfriend! its really amazing to be with someone as long as I have been.so I hope you guys can make it last :):)

    • I hope so too and thank you for the luck and good luck to you also! =)

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