Me and my ex-girlfriend are both 20 years old and go to college about 15 minutes away from each other. We dated since high school and had been together for almost 5 years. However about 5 months ago, we broke up. It was partially because of some issues within our relationship however it was mainly because she needed to experience college life alone and "find herself". She told me she still loved me but it was just something she had to do for herself. Although it was extremely painful for me, I eventually realized that there was nothing I could do and this was something that had to happen. We really didn't talk too much for months, as I just tried to give her space.
A few weeks ago however she texted me telling me that she missed me and she was still in love with me. She said she wanted to start talking about some things and start dating each other again. She missed "us". I was happy to hear that she was more confident, independent and sure about her life. She seemed like she truly wanted to start over with me and work on our relationship. In fact, a few of her friends even told me that "even if she won't tell you, we know that she cares about you a lot and we think you guys can work this out". Of course I told her there were still things we needed to discuss first.
We talked casually for a week or so until we could finally sit down and have a serious discussion. She basically said that although she kind of wants to work on things, her life (sorority, clubs, internship search, schoolwork, etc.) is just too busy for a relationship. I was not happy to admit it but mine is just as busy as I play a college sport as well. She suggested still meeting sometimes, going on "dates", and talking occasionally. However it's just "not the right time" to commit to a relationship. We should just keep things completely open and see where things go. Maybe if things slow down in the future, we can give it a chance.
I was happy when she came back and told me she wanted to work on things but now I am confused about what she really wants. I feel like if we wanted to work on some things, we could at least do it slowly. She is sure that its just not the right time. Is there still a possibility that we may have a future? She basically says that we need to wait and see what happens and if it's meant to be, we'll figure it out. I realize the decision we made is probably the mature one, but I can't help but worry that there will never be a "right time" and we'll never be able to work on a relationship again. Any thoughts?
Most Helpful Guy
You have no problem expressing yourself here, so I'm assuming you have already spoken with her like this in person. Everything your feeling is accurate about working on things slowly versus huge leaps in the relationship; however, ultimately what matters is that she isn't ready.
If she doesn't want to pursue a relationship right now, but instead she just wants to go on dates and feel like she is in a relationship, it seems more like she is looking for comfort than anything. Most times, I've encountered that by giving her the convenience of dating w/o commitment will often lead to being hurt in the future, in MY sceario it ended with her ultimately finding someone new. Don't make my mistake, fight for her. You have a strong love for this girl, don't let her slip through your fingers.
Don't express yourself in words anymore, but instead in actions. Show her that you are interested in being around her and laughing with her, show her that you want to flirt with her and tease her, show her that you care. Men often make mistakes about saying "i love you" but their actions don't show the same. Women understand feelings more than they understand words. So if she doesn't feel like you truly care about her, and instead that this is a convenience (like how she is treating it), she is going to treat it like a convenience and look for someone that does care.
Fight for her man, you deserve her if you are coming out about your feelings in such a way as you have done, and continue to fight through the long term relationship. Good luck man, if I can help further write me a message.
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