When you DON'T like them back?

Guys and Gals: Say someone you know tells you they like you, but you either aren't sure of how you feel or you don't like them back. What are you most likely to do?

  • I'd tell them right away that I didn't feel the same way.
    Vote A
  • I wouldn't say I didn't like them, but I'd completely avoid talking to/looking at/being near them.
    Vote B
  • I'd start hitting on other people in front of them.
    Vote C
  • I'd check them out a few times/ask them to hang out to see if maybe my feelings could change.
    Vote D
  • Other/None of these. (Please explain in comments)
    Vote E
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Now that I'm a bit older, and the days of doubting how attractive/wanted I am are over, I don't need to string people along to feel better about myself.

    So if someone is telling me she's interested in me, and I'm NOT, the thoughts that go on in my head are:

    "Ugh, now I'm gonna have to inevitably hurt her feelings. If I'm too nice and not firm enough about it, she might take that as playing hard-to-get and think there's still hope. If I'm too firm about it, she'll hate me for being such a jerk, which will make it easier to get over me, but I'll look and feel like a jerk. I'm gonna aim for something in between"

    That's on the conscious level.

    On the unconscious level, the process that's motivating that is the following:

    1. Do I like her (Y/N) --> Y (Go to question 2)

    2. Is she smart (Y/N) --> Y (Go to question 5)

    3. Does her family have money (Y/N)

    4. Does she or will she have money (Y/N)

    5. Is she ugly (Y/N) --> N (Go to question 6)

    6. Do you want to have sex with her --> N (STOP! Don't waste any more of your time, money, effort or energy on this person. Keep her as a friend. Her only use to you is as a social or business contact. Treat her as you would any other contact)

    So honestly, if I don't want to have sex with a girl, then I don't want to be in a relationship with that girl, and if I don't want to be in a relationship with that girl; then why on earth would I be wasting MY time (nevermind hers) interacting with her any further?

    The answer is, I wouldn't. So to save us both valuable time, and allow us to better maximize our enjoyment of our limited lifetimes, it would be best to just tell her, I'm not feeling her, or some b/s excuse variant which I can only hope she understand I don't literally mean, but am just using in lieu of "NO" so that I don't directly reject her and hurt her feelings.

    "NO" variants:

    - I just came out of a really bad relationship, I'm just not really looking for anyone or anything in this point of my life right now. (But if I'm dating your best friend tomorrow, it's because in the 10 minutes after us talking, I decided to give love a chance with people again; thank you for making me in touch with that part of myself again; you're such a great friend)

    - I'm just too busy with work/school/internet porn in my life right now, and simply don't have the time (or don't feel justified in parting with my hard-earned money) to be dating or in a relationship right now.

    - It's not you. It's me. I'm just not into fat ugly people. But I'm working on being less shallow. My therapist says it'll help me with being more sensitive to people's emotions and stuff.

    - We're just such great friends, and I don't want to risk ruining that friendship. You know. You understand. If we take things any deeper, ugh, everything will just be ruined! It'll be horrible! Awful! We can't have that. I'd much rather just keep you around for when I need you, I mean, as a friend. Thank you for understanding.

    • Too busy with internet porn? Now there's a hilarious excuse! : D

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • It varies with the situation.

    If I didn't like them as a potential relationship, I wouldn't tell them I didn't feel the same way. Instead I would make everything feel that I wasn't interested, while telling them I'm flattered and I would be a friend- that way it felt like a friendship. Thus, altering her opinion on how to view me, helping her and me, while avoiding hurting her feelings.

    If I didn't like the person as a friend, but I was interested in a booty call. I would tell them that I'm not fond of comittment, while flirting with them a little here and there. If they played back and felt the same way, I would proceed. Otherwise I would know and respect that they were not interested in the same thing.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

  • One of my friends had told me she liked me, I didn't feel the same way... at the time I told her that I didn't like her that way, for a while her and I went back to being friends... I'd thought it had went away, but she had later made more forceful moves on me, which I was really uncomfortable with, it lead to a lot of arguments and whatnot... So in this case it might have been better to stop seeing her as often as I had been, apparently it was giving her false hope and leadig her on, although I was only ever trying to be nice, do the right thing and so on... Backfires unfortunately.


What Girls Said 2

  • Be honest with them I don't lead guys on you should tell them exactly how it is cause you can hurt the guy if you lie...Its better to be true about Ur feelings... Don't feel bad either cause you don't fell they way they do its not a bad thing... Its just different attraction that you don't see...

  • Be honest and tell them that you only think of them as a friend.


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