I feel so naive how do I get over my ex?

We have been together for 6 years and have been through so much he was my first.. I did cheat on him 2 years into our relationship because Of my young and dumb choice but never had sex just other things and he knows it.. He is an alcoholic he was drinking a little when we got together ( we would both party) but over the years he's been drinking more heavily. I started dancing/stripping 3 years into our relationship to make ends meet. He wasn't ok with it but he wasn't helping me financially also. We always got into arguements about it then it would just be back and forth... We would literally breakup to makeup.. So last year I got him cheating on me. I found a text message from a girl. Then I broke up with him he came crying to me. I still love him so I took him back and a month and half later I find him cheating on me with the same girl I found a text from. I was devasted broke up with him and didn't talk to him for a week he was calling me and texting non stop crying saying he's going to kill himself so I talk to him and before you know it I fall for his trap and get back with him and he changed for a few weeks then went back to drinking and trying to put me down now. I feel like he has a spell over me I'm calling him now asking his whereabouts and who he's with... I'm not like myself and haven't been I'm losing it and myself.. Trying to move on but he tells me he loves me and always will and nobody can take my place. Im still in love with him I know I need to move on but I feel so stuck and naive...

Thank you so much Guys. I'm taking it day by day and focusing on my relationship with my self and God. Too much time invested into a chapter in my life that needs to be over. I know it will take time but I its so hard the anxiety and pain so real I cry myself to sleep for months now wake up cry and try to go on. I just feel so bad moving on like I'm throwing him away when really I still love him.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Sounds like a train wreck to me (hope it's not too harsh). From cheating to stripping to drunken stupors and suicide threats, it just sounds like a disaster.

    But I think people are quick to cast condemnation here when there's something enduring about two fractured souls meeting up, chasing each other in this endless cat and mouse game. The emotions are probably going to be incredibly intense rollercoaster rides, far from routine. Much of the world probably won't understand the appeal.

    But anyway, since the question is about moving on, to me it's the wrong question to ask how to get over an ex. It's really about how to fill the hole left in your heart -- that emptiness and void that follows. And the answer is simple, really (though not so easy to do, only say). You fill up that hole with love again. And that new love doesn't even have to be for a person.

    It just has to be something that makes you want to wake up and pursue something every day.

    And you have to distance yourself from this person, even more so since your whole relationship sounds like huge ups followed by epic downs over and over again. In this scenario especially, you are in total danger of being stuck in an endless limbo loop as long as you don't distance yourself completely, since this kind of post-breakup behavior will start being too close to your relationship behavior in the past. So you have to cut this off clean, and it can't be clean for both people involved. One will have to be harsh and selfish and pursue his/her interests. The other will, hopefully over time, recover and do the same.

  • There seems to be various factors at play here, including co-dependency and self-doubt.

    I suspect you've become accustomed to the dynamics of the relationship, the toxicity of the environment, the job you you gas up your car to drive to, among other issues, which, subconsciously, consistently puts a wrench in your efforts to move on, as you've accepted them.

    He's not perfect. He's not close to perfect. He wouldn't know perfect if perfect slapped him in the face... but... you have a history together. Six years plus. Within that, he has accepted your perfections and imperfections and all in between. He cared and cares for you. And there's a strong emotional connection.

    As such, getting over him is not solely about... getting over him. It's also about getting unaccustomed to the customary and... and... it's about change. Changing your perspective. Changing your expectations. Changing your goals. In doing so, you'll find it less difficult to get over him.

    But how? Positivity influences positivity. Set and achieve small goals. "Self- advancement leads to improved esteem". Join a personal growth and development class and a gym. Surround yourself in a community of walking, talking examples of the person you want to become, among other things.


What Girls Said 1

  • Just wait it out.