Why does my ex always say"I was thinking about you" but never reaches out?

So we were together a few years and I broke things off we have been in contact since breaking up a year ago. I always text him and he says "I was thinking about you, hope you're doing ok", or "I've been thinking about you." But he never texts me first so why would he not text me if he says he was thinking about me? Confused :/


Most Helpful Guy

  • "I was thinking about you," he often says. I'm of the belief the statement's is made with the intent to mitigate his previous response, "Why do you ask questions," and to perhaps retain your interest in him after making such a remark under such circumstances.

    • What do u mean?

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    • He simply didn't want to answer the question. Perhaps he felt that an answer short of reciprocating your stated feelings would be harmful and turn you away from him. Now, that doesn't necessarily mean what you think it mean, I think. He could have feelings for you. Seriously. By stating it, though, he may have assumed it would influence you to want or expect more from him. More than he can or is willing to give you. As you said , he isn't in a good place in his life at the moment.

      Why to retain your interest? Who knows what the future holds. If and when things change for him, his perspective about being in a relationship may change, too.

    • Ok, thanks a lot I understand!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Because you broke up with him. You're the one that had to mend it.

    • Do you think he wants me to mend it with him?

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    • guess there's no hope of a future with him, huh?

    • Well, you never really know what the future holds. Things can change. But, granted I don't know everything about him, you, or the situation or your interactions, but I'd calculated the probability of you two getting back together in any meaningful way for any significant amount of time as very low.

  • Thinking about someone doesn't mean you should text them every time they pop into your head.
    He's likely just living his life and talks to you when there is value or purpose in the conversation.

    Personally, I don't like small talk. Sounds like he is the same way.

    • Agrees, but it's specific things, like during the Holidays and the storm we just had.

    • *shrugs*

      Looks like he's acting appropriately in my opinion. If he dumped you it would be different. He's not being needy. Which I respect in a guy.

  • Bruh is lying. Trying to sweet talk you. If he really cared bout you still he would have texted first.

    • But why sweet talk me? we don't hook up

    • You may not hook up now but maybe he wants to hook up.

  • Pride... If you think of one thing when you think of a man think of pride and how unwilling they are to sacrifice it

    • Pride that he thinks of me/ misses me? But why just tell me in text as a response to my initial text?

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    • But how?

    • Ask him to meet you for coffee haha.. And then you can try to figure him out not a date just a casual meet for some lunch or something and just talk to him and find out maybe ask him yourself "so you've been thinkin about me huh? What about? You know? It doesn't have to be this complicated :p

What Girls Said 2

  • Just because two people Break up doesn't Mean they can't and Don't Make up and tha tit is Good-bye, my love forever. And with an "EX" who still might still have an X in his own softie spot here, dear, there might come a time down the fine line when He... Never texts me first.
    He is probably being civil and polite and just wants the past to be the past, being Friendly now somehow.
    I feel if it were more of a big deal, he would 'Texts me first' and Hint and no Haw that he would want to meet up because he Really... Has been thinking about you.
    Leave it at that... I guess the Past wasn't such a Blast.
    These sort of Breakups are Not so Confusing, it happens a lot.
    Good luck. xx

  • That's confusing! I wish I knew how to respond, but I basically have the same question.