Moving Too Fast? Running out of time...sigh

There's a girl. We haven't known each other for that long, but we have been going out on dates. We have talked nearly every day since we met and have really hit it off. We are holding hands, hugging, etc. She has recently gotten out of a bad relationship she was pushed into even though she didn't actually like the guy. She has blatantly told me, along with hints that she likes me and I quote, "couldn't see myself with anyone other than you". That's why I feel this will be different. It has grown to missing each other between classes, etc. I think this is progressing well. I had a date at her house and got a chance to talk with her parents. We hit it off, and she even told me her mom said she thought I was a good guy to be hanging around.

Now, I know it's preemptive, but I'm thinking about my future. I have this feeling. She seems right for me. It's not my typical crush. This is much much stronger. I'm not at all saying I'm going to go off and marry her, but I've toyed with the idea of it in the future. I have to say I like the idea. I know that the best way is to grow our relationship and see where it takes us.

Now, the problem is this. I am a junior, she is a freshman. Before you criticize us with that, she is very mature, more than most juniors. We fit each other well. Anyway, my primary concern is college. I am going to college in a year and a half. My college plans are close to home (within walking distance), although that is subject to change. My concern is that if we are not very close by that time, she will loose interest and we will go our separate ways. No chance of anything, I am loosing my time. Heartbroken, not sure where to start over. So I kind of have this pushing feeling to kick start this just a little bit.

She just told me her parents called her in for "a talk" she said they think we're moving too fast. They see holding hands as too much. I can't stand this because if we don't do any of that stuff, we will only stay friends and we can't ever develop our relationship into anything more. I fear by the time I must leave, we won't be close enough to anything.

This is where I ask for advice on what you think we should do next. Please let me know what you think. Thank you for your time, I truly appreciate it.


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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • all right.. well the parents thing. they are going to think things are moving to fast beacuse they don't want their baby girl to be grown up.. its a parent thing. so I think that I would see how she really feels. and if she thinks the same that you do then you two will progress with stuff. and the way you feel. she will eventually tell her mom and dad that she likes you and wants to be wit you.. no matter what.. and what her parents say won't really be of importance beacsue she will be happy wit you. so I guess that next you guys need to talk about everything. and talk about why you guys are good together.. and then you need to talk to mom and dad and find out why they think ur moving to fast.. and things like that. then once you get all sides of the story then things will get easier. and if I are going to college close to her then you don't need to push it beacuse its not like you won't ever get to see her or something.. think bout the facts here..


What Guys Said 1

  • Don't be ruled by fear, just take it easy and see where things lead. You're letting your fears of the relationship dissolving when you go away to college put pressure on you. The thing is, your discomfort may translate into her discomfort if you try to make the relationship "deeper" (but of course, you know her and probably has a sense of where she wants it to go too).

    My point is, you can't help "falling for her", but keep those emotions in check. Don't let them drive your "logical" actions; let your rational and emotional sides be in balance (i.e., "I really like her, this could be a long-term thing or even marriage, if someday she wants it too, but for now I'll just relax and chill with her, and see how things go."). If you take it easy and let things develop naturally, one of two things will happen: the relationship will grow so strong that it will stand the test of time and distance (when you're away at college), or it will eventually fizzle out and end, hopefully on good terms. If it's meant to be, it will be.

    Holding hands isn't too much (I guess that's doable when her parents aren't around, but I'm not advising you to rebel against her parents' wishes). But whatever you do to "escalate" the relationship, don't do it out of fear of losing her in the future (it will make you anxious and may start to push her away). It's never good to do anything out of fear. Instead, do what comes naturally and what works in the moment. Consider how she feels in addition to what you want.

    And, as the guy, lead the relationship from a position of strength, not fear.

    Also get into your hobbies, your social life, your goals, etc. to take your mind off of "falling in love" a little; not that it's a bad thing, but you want to be independent and emotionally stable. Love can very easily turn into an obsession, which isn't good. Not saying you're headed there, but it happens all the time.

    Best of luck man, hope it all works out for you and her.


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