Girls, Is playing it cool with my ex helping or hurting my chances to get back with her?

This is the second time this has happened. My girlfriend broke up with me again. She falls in love with me because we are so compatible in every way. Humor, music, interests, sex, dorkiness, etc.. The major issue has always been her overbearing parents that constantly guilt trip and manipulate her into doing what they want by always insinuating she's not where she should be in life, that she's not doing enough for the family and that she should only be with a guy that has money. They are really sweet people.

Both times we've started a relationship things are as magical as can be, but after things get settled, the constant berating and belittling by her parents (especially her mom) causes her so much stress that she looks for a way out. The reason she always opts for her parents is because:

A. The fear that they will cut her out of their life like they did before (manipulation) and she still depends on them for financial support because she's going to college to be an architect.

B. I'm not in the most stable position in my life right now. I'm actually at one of the most fucked up times in my life, but I am finally climbing out of it.

It seems she goes into the relationship with every intention of making things work regardless of the situation, but then reality and stress sets in, some old crush of hers that on paper is more acceptable to her parents then she splits. This is the second time.

We've made plans for the future. I would support her (emotionally and partly finically) while she's going to school. I would learn drafting so when she starts an architectural firm I could help. When that's going well, we get a place and I get an art studio so I can pursue an art career. Simple right? Well we've never even gotten to the first part because of the constant bullshit her parents put her through for being with me.

So the situation now is that she's with this old crush of hers. We still talk, message and see each other pretty regularly. She doesn't tell him that we've hung out. She only introduced me as a friend when he came to her bar and I was there. She tells me she's afraid that she's going to walk all over him which seems odd because she's never tried that with me. She still wears the bracelet I gave to her for Christmas that has my pet name for her on. She still admits that she loves me...
... She's tried the "I still care for you deeply" crap, but when I make her look in my eyes and say "Bullshit. You LOVE me." she looks down and says "I know". She's told me she she's probly gonna get bored with this guy. Mutual friends think the same.


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What Girls Said 1

  • If she really felt the same way as you her parents opinion wouldn't matter. Nothing is easy... if it was, everyone would have everything.

    • Thanks for you response :)

      I'm actually going to disavow this question. I've learned a lot of things since posting it. The truth is that nobody feels the exact same way as anyone else. Even if they do, feelings change from moment to moment, event to event. The important thing to me is love. People do stupid and impulsive things that don't appear to be something someone would do if they loved the other person, but the reality is that people make mistakes regardless. Sometimes it's a simple mistake, other times it's a pattern of mistakes based on development which is the case with my ex. Before we started going out she admitted she has commitment issues. I belived them as I do now that I will be the one who's not going to give up on her. I will be the one to show her that her fears are founded in things that we can overcome together.

      I found this article and without getting into more details, I'll just say that it explains what my ex is going through to a T.

    • There are also other articles I found that explains how one develops these patterns and I know they are also very pertinent in her case. It wasn't easy to find articles talking about women with commitment phobia or what to do about it, but at least I found a couple and both were increadbly insightful