Will we get back together?

My boyfriend of 9 months broke up with me a week ago. He said he wants to break up with me because he's not in love with me. He likes me a lot, but doesn't want to make the same mistake (he married a girl he's not in love with and it ended badly... however, that girl was crazy and did not treat him well...he told me this). I told him that it takes time for those feelings to develop. He said he gave it time, but that "butterflies" feeling never came.

Here's the background of the story...He's a very sensitive guy and sometimes I would unintentionally say things that would upset him. Instead of telling me, he would pretend nothing is wrong. We almost broke up in the beginning of our relationship (3rd month) because I said something that he thought was offensive but didn’t say anything until a month later. We talked and it was fine. I’m going to add that I’m not as sensitive as he is and that I don’t really like talking about my feelings too much and I have this “tough” appearance that nothing bothers me.

So during the breakup I asked if it was something that I’ve done. He said no. With further pressing, he told me that there were a few incidents that something I said made him mad. But he doesn’t think that was the reason. So I said, “okay if this is what you want..”. I told him I’ll be back tomorrow to pick up all my things.

The next day, I got to his place… my mission was just to gather all my things and said one last thing to him then leave. Instead, he grabbed me and hugged me for a very long time. He then want me to sit down and talk. He told me that this is really hard for him because he was really happy and that I treat him so well. And that he’s afraid he might make the same mistake if he doesn’t fall in love with me. He said he feels really sad and upset, even more upset than when his last marriage ended (he was with her for 6 years). He said he cried and that he never cries. At that point I know he’s really confused.

I offered to improve my behavior and be more sensitive to him and that he will have to let me know when I did or said something wrong. He said he’s not sure if that’s the real problem. He said it might be chemistry. But that isn’t true because he was completely infatuated with me before the incident that led to the first “almost” break up. I left. Nothing was resolved. Then later that night I wrote him an email letting him know that I really want to try to work things out. He called me the next night telling me he need some time to think things through. He mentioned that if we get back together, he knows it’ll be it. As in, with me forever. I told him to not think that he’ll be stuck with me if this doesn’t work out. All I want is a chance to work things out to see if it helps. I don’t want to give up without trying.

After that phone conversation. I wrote him another email. This time I told him everything about

(cont')...me… all of my fears and insecurities. I think he had trouble connecting with me because I had my walls up.

So what do you think? Do you think there’s a chance that we’d get back together?


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What Girls Said 2

  • I wish I were psychic so that I could give you a definite answer... but I can't.

    I'm not going to tell you "oh, he'll be back" because when I had a bad break up I ended up resenting the people who told me that when it turned out to be untrue.

    Its hard to see from this whether or not he will. I'd say both outcomes have a fair chance...

    It sounds to me like he's just confused, a little bit scared, and still hurting over his divorce... which is why he's letting it hold him back.

    As to whether or not he really loves you, since he's trying to figure that out... who knows. He very well might, but it just might be that intense fear that is blocking out what he's feeling.

    I don't think he had trouble connecting with you because of your walls. Its his own walls which are blocking YOU out.

    He needs to figure things out...

    I hate cliches, but one that I do like and that I know is true is the one about... if you love something, set it free and if it doesn't come back, it just wasn't meant to. The best thing you can do is do not dwell on this. I know, that's probably the most difficult thing right now. Find fun things, anything to keep you happy even though it is going to be hard. If he doesn't come back, it means that something better IS coming along, and if he does... well, this separation would be exactly what he needed. You can't push him through this, you just have to leave him be to think... (and I am an impatient, pushy person so I know how difficult that is to hear)

    Good luck...

  • I'd heal first. Don't go backwards only forward. Trash all traces with him...and of him!

    Dont worry about the girl...we all have our reasons why we do things and you don't know why she did what she did...

    we judge other woman without even realizing... we are and they are people too...

    Im telling you if woamn stuck together more... men would never be able to get away with anything!

    Let him go!

    Your too special and you need to wake up and know who you are is more important than who he is or who he is with...

    Enjoy life waking up having gratitude... not remorse...



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